Pretending
by Mynsii
Summary: Outwardly Roxas, heir to the Strife dynasty and favourite son, led the perfect life. Inwardly he was trapped in a nightmare, constantly pretending. Then along came Axel, and Roxas' superficial world came crumbling down around him.
1. Prologue

**This will be an ongoing fic, which I will update as often as I can. As well as this, I am working on a couple of other one-shot projects too.**

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><p><em>My need is such – I pretend too much. I'm lonely and no-one can tell <em>

_**-**__**Buck Ram**_

Ideal. Amazing. Wonderful. Brilliant.

They were words that were used to describe Roxas' life by many, though never Roxas himself.

Because outwardly, Roxas' life could be perceived as idyllic. Inwardly, Roxas imagined it to be similar to a living nightmare.

That being said, Roxas was not mistreated by his parents, nor was he bullied, neglected or poor. In fact, he was the opposite. He had two parents who cared for him and his twin brother Sora, as well as their elder brother Cloud. His family had a large house, plenty of money and a high social status. Both he and his two brothers were smart and handsome and _always_ got what they wanted.

_Perfect._

People envied Roxas, and Roxas loathed this. Because he was not wonderful.

It was the excellence that was smothering him.

Roxas felt as though he was trapped in a bubble, a routine that made his mind ache and muscles burn for change. He lived his life as the role of the _perfect _son, from the _perfect _family. When his family held one of their regular formal dinners, Roxas and his brothers would be there, neatly groomed in their tailored suits. He'd smile, his bright blue eyes empty but so pretty that no-one would notice. He'd ask politely about people's lives, feign an interest. Respond equally as politely when they manufactured an interest in his life. When another families daughter would be ushered over to dance with him, he'd smile, take her hand then waltz her around the room, never slipping up or missing a beat. Roxas would eat expensive meals, wear expensive clothes and receive expensive gifts.

And everything he got, everyone he saw – he loathed.

Because they kept him trapped in his little bubble. Kept him acting.

Most of all, Roxas loathed himself. Because every time he looked in the mirror, he saw more and more of the light in his eyes dull and die. Saw him become more and more like the high class populace he hated, who'd kept him smiling and dancing and _pretending. _And Roxas knew that there was nothing he could do to stop himself.

Roxas had learned early on not to love anything or anyone.

He'd loved nannies, au pairs – anyone who'd looked after him and his brothers, but soon learnt that they didn't love them in return and only tolerated them for the obscene amount of money they'd been paid.

He'd loved his friends, until he began to realise that the friendship was in fact based on greed. Hayner, Pence and Olette didn't _really _care. They cared when they or their families needed money, or association with the Strife's, but beyond that their 'friendship' was meaningless. It had all but crushed him when he realised that his 'friends', the people who he'd grown to love, and genuinely thought had cared about it, were little more than pawns in their parents games, and that they had no loyalty to him.

He'd loved his tutors, because they seemed to genuinely want to teach him about the world around him, but quickly realised that they too, only cared about the money, and viewed Roxas as just another spoilt, rich brat, who was only there to eat up their time for a healthy sum.

Of course, there were exceptions.

Roxas loved both of his brothers more than anything. Cloud because his elder brother of three years treated Roxas the way he wished to be treated – like anybody else in the world. He teased him, praised him, loved him and scolded him. And of course, Roxas loved Sora, because his brunette twin was part of him. And the better half.

Roxas loved Namine, his beautiful, angelic cousin, who'd spend hours drawing and painting with him when she came to visit, and who would make Roxas promises that one day he'd find someone who would love him and make him happy.

Roxas loved animals. The beautiful horses that roamed in the stables and fields surrounded his luxurious home. The exquisite chocobo's that wandered around the many beautiful gardens, and the single (if not slightly lame) chocobo that Roxas had tenderly nursed from a chick and who followed him around like a adoring puppy.

Roxas used to love his parents.

Then came the day that they found out that Cloud, perfect little Cloud – first born and heir to their empire of companies, did not want to marry Tifa, the daughter of the renowned business tycoon who owned Lockhart incorporated. Oh no, Cloud wanted to run off with Zack, the young soldier who fought for his country with an enthusiasm and kindness that was beautiful. And while his parents did not disown Cloud, or throw him out, they did everything in their power to separate them. And whilst they never directly forbade Cloud from seeing the young soldier, he was forced to attend every camp, summer school, ball and function that ate up his free time until the day Zack was sent out to war.

Yet at this point, Roxas still had loved his parents. Because he both pitied and was ashamed in his oldest brother. He pitied him for being torn by the one he loved, but was ashamed that Cloud, the Cloud that had protected him and loved him, had trusted someone.

Because people always hurt you. And Cloud had been the one who'd taught him that little slice.

It was the day that Cloud had received the letter informing him that Zack had been killed on duty, that Roxas had stopped loving his parents.

For whilst he and Sora offered their sobbing brother all the comfort they can give, their parents had mumbled that it was a shame, but at least Cloud could put Zack behind him and arrange a wedding between him and Tifa. And although reluctant and broken, Cloud had defied his parents, and refused the engagement, which provoked their parents into constantly accusing Cloud of being incredibly selfish, at every opportunity that presented itself. And Roxas could see it eating away at his elder brother. The grief of losing someone he cared about so young, the guilt of being constantly told he had shamed his parents and how, on the first anniversary of Zack's death, his parents had refused to let Cloud visit his head stone because _'the trouble-maker was dead, and there was no use crying over it anymore.' _

As Roxas had watched these passing events, an angry, bitter ball had built within him, and whilst on the outside his perfectly groomed mask remained, on the inside he was screaming. This life, this selfish, twisted, upper-class life that he was living, the life that made his brother miserable and made Roxas want to crawl out of his own skin was killing him. Bit by tiny bit, he began hating it more, hating himself more for continuing to pretend to be one of them.

And he hated the guilt. Because he felt he had no right to be so God-damned miserable and lonely, when he was so lucky. He had lavish gifts thrown at him, he'd never gone hungry, wore only the finest clothes and was always surrounded by people who aimed to please him. There were people who literally had nothing, who could barely afford to eat and had no-one to turn to, and yet Roxas was the one who was utterly despondent. The guilt that gnawed at him because of this made his hatred grow.

He was trapped in a perfect world, constantly pretending. Constantly living up to other people's expectations and falling short of his own. Slowly turning into the very person he'd never want to be.

And he felt as if he were fighting a losing battle.


	2. Chapter One

**Thank you all for reading this. Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcome. (Please note, for "long time" readers, this is the –final- redrafted version of this chapter)**

**T**he world was an awful place when Roxas stopped to think about, and given his situation of being forced to live out a life he hated, he thought about it frequently. Often he would mull over life and its complexities, and he'd find his mind tugging back to the notion that "the best things in life are free" like it was some kind of cosmic mantra in need of being adhered to.

Roxas Strife was incredibly rich, and that was only when he accounted for the money that he _knew _about. There were ridiculous amounts of money tucked all over the place that he couldn't possibly account for, and yet despite his overwhelming fortune, Roxas couldn't buy the one thing he craved more than anything - happiness. It was as simple and cliché as that, because Roxas was disgustingly lonely, and no amount of money in the world could change that. Lingering reminders of his loneliness surrounded him constantly, to the point where Roxas was sure that the universe was paying him back with some sort of Robin-Hood syndrome punishment. He had money, and therefore something had to be taken from him in order to create a perfect equilibrium.

Every day of his life, Roxas Strife was surrounded by a swarm of people who were happy to pander to his very need, all in the hope that it might eventually prove to be finically beneficial to them. The fact that his brothers were the only people that he could love and trust left Roxas in a perpetual state of isolation, and he loathed it. Sometimes he longed for the days where he was still blissfully oblivious to the selfish motivations of his so-called 'friends', and other days he was overwhelmed by the relief that at least now he knew the truth.

Hayner, Pence, and Olette were supposed to be three of Roxas' closest friends. Well, three of Roxas' only friends. The children of three other families of wealth, he'd spent much of his childhood in their company, being led to believe that they genuinely cared about him, just like he'd genuinely cared for them. Yet as the years fluttered by, they'd spent less and less time taking part in Struggle tournaments for 'fun', or simply hanging out with no ulterior motives, and more and more time discussing what life would be like when they were older, and the heads of their own respective companies. They'd become pawns in their parents games; using their children and Roxas' 'friendship' as a way of gaining affiliation with the successful Strife name.

It had been the discovery that rendered Roxas truly alone, because he'd been left a child without a genuine friend in the world. Even his stuffed toy had been misplaced or thrown out long ago at his parent's hand, and so Roxas was left without a confidant. Roxas wasn't selfish enough to trouble his brothers with his mediocre 'troubles', and so continued on down his lonely path, mulling over the true extent of his isolation along the way.

He longed for change; for companionship, but he knew how incredibly unlikely that would be. And so he pretended he was okay, because really, that's all he could do.

oOOo

The day started off simply enough. Roxas, as always, had woken up just before sunrise, pulled back the covers and opened his windows as wide as they could go, leaning against the pane as he waited for dawn. He did this almost every day, regardless of weather. It was something he felt like he had to do. Something Roxas felt kept him grounded. Although he enjoyed the silent sun-rises, he did often crave company. Not the false, paid-for companionship of the staff, or his 'friends', but perhaps maybe one of his brothers. But Roxas felt bad bothering Cloud so early, the older sibling often stayed up until the late hours studying, working or entertaining dinner guests. And Sora, well, Sora was a self confessed dysaniac, so he wasn't expecting anything off of his brunette twin that required attention before the other brother (or staff) had finally managed to drag him out of bed.

These moments in the early morning were truly the moments that Roxas loved best, because they allowed Roxas time off from pretending. He was allowed to be simply Roxas.

Sometimes Roxas would dream of a world where he wasn't forced to live the numbing world of aristocracy. He wasn't forced to attend endless streams of parties and gatherings, in order to build connections. He didn't have to dress impeccably and choose every word he said. He didn't have to lie to others, or himself. Simply put, in Roxas' dream world, he didn't have to pretend.

Other times, Roxas would dream about running away and escaping. He'd think of what his life could be like, should he defy his parents. All it would take is a simple 'no'. A small, simple word. Just two letters. And yet with it, held the power to end his miserable, perfect life. What would the _real_ world be like? A world where he wasn't ushered from pillar to post. He'd like it, he guessed. It would make a very pleasant change from the artificial world he inhabited. He'd be liberated. And all it would take is a simple no. A no, Roxas unfortunately knew he didn't have the courage to say.

Yet now, as he stared out at the world, he thought about nothing in particular, instead running a hand through his bed-ruffled blonde hair as he leant on the windowpane, enjoying the early morning warmth. There were birds chirping softly in the trees, some of the families chocobo' roaming in the fields below, warking quietly to one another. A couple of the horses in the stables neighed in response, and Roxas smiled, the whole scene just so surreal and peaceful.

As usual, the spell of normality was broken when he heard the usual rapping on his door.

"Master Roxas," the voice was of some servant whose name Roxas had never bothered to learn. She didn't care for him, so he felt no reason to care for her. Nonetheless, he felt obligated to smile and be polite towards her, as well as all of the other servants. "Your Mother is downstairs and wishes to talk with you and your brothers. Please may you be washed and dressed within the half hour so that you may see her."

Roxas rolled his eyes, scowling but forcing his voice to be bright and cheerful. "Thank you, please let her know I'll be down as soon as possible," Roxas sighed eyes flickering over to the huge walk in closet and en-suit attached to the far corner of his room, knowing that the mind-numbing routine was about to start all over again.

He'd shower, dress in one of the many dress shirts and 'smart-casual' (though there was nothing 'casual' about them) pants his parents had tailored for him, speak to his Mother, and then begin the task of learning, wining and dining guests, and trying to build 'social partnerships.'

Groaning, Roxas padded towards the plush suit, picked out a _fairly_ casual white dress shirt and some slacks, dragged a quick comb through his hair, before throwing one last forlorn glance at the window, and heading to his bedroom door. As he expected, Cloud was leaning against the banister, watching three maids attempt to get a very reluctant Sora out of bed, whilst the little brunette hid behind the solid oak door of his bedroom, and (Roxas assumed) a mountain of blankets, throws and duvets.

"Why don't you just throw the door open and drag him out?" Cloud sighed, throwing a smile at Roxas when he noticed him. From somewhere in Sora's room, there was a little indignant shriek,( and what sounded like _'what have I ever done to you? Don't you dare, Cloud!') _and one of the maids looked at Cloud, shocked.

"We couldn't possibly do that!" Her tone was comically horrified at the suggestion, and Roxas ground his teeth. "We couldn't do that to the young master."

"Well, then excuse me," Cloud took a moment to gently brush aside the maids, pressed one shoulder against the door before heaving, the doors falling open. The eldest strife brother dragged Sora out of bed, slinging him over his shoulder before dumping in the bathroom suit that was identical to Roxas'. "Get up, Sora. If Mother is dragging Roxas and I up, then you can at least join us in our misery."

There was a scuffle from within, what sounded like a coat-hanger being pulled from the closet, and a clanging of it hitting something soft, then evidently bouncing and hitting the floor.

"Ouch, Cloud, that _hurt_, I bruise easily, you know. Father won't be happy if I have to attend next week's ball _bruised_. Cloud! Stop, stop, _stop_. Please, I don't want to wake up. No, not water, that's cold – no!"

Sora's moans of protest caused Roxas' lips to quirk, and he repressed the smile that was budding at his lips when he realised that the servants were watching him. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't have been little more than five minutes, Sora emerged, dressed in a royal blue shirt and khaki's, rubbing tired eyes.

Sora smiled weakly at Roxas, and the blond nodded in response, joining his two brothers as the descended the marble stairs together. Their mother was already waiting at the bottom, a pale tan skirt-suit and finely styled hair eradicating any motherly looks she could have given.

"Boys, finally," her voice was flat and bored, and she ushered at them impatiently with her hands. "Come along, sit down. I don't have all day."

Fighting the urge to scream, Roxas smiled politely at his Mother, passing her with an obligatory peck on the cheek, before making his way, along with Cloud and Sora, to the sitting room. Unusually, as well as the usual maids and house-servants, he saw Riku, the stable boy, standing inside looking sheepish. What was even more unusual, however, was the tall, slim red-headed boy stood beside him, whose gaze was fixed carefully on the ground.

"Roxas, Sora, Cloud, this -" Their mother waved one hand vaguely at the stranger, "- is Axel. He's the new stable-hand."

Sora frowned at this, addressing his Mother quietly. "But what about Riku? You're not going to dismiss him, are you?" Roxas' brow furrowed, and his curiosity pricked by the edge of concern in his twins voice.

"No, of course not. Don't be so _stupid_, Sora," Roxas frowned at his mother, and reached a hand out to reassuringly squeeze the brunettes fingers. "Axel will be helping him, obviously. You know your father bought those new thoroughbreds recently." Her focused momentarily shifted to Roxas. "You realise that we bought you that new horse _weeks_ ago Roxas, and you're still yet to ride him. A little ungracious, don't you think? Anyway, added with the horses that we already own, it would simply be too much work for Riku alone. Hence, Axel."

Roxas glanced up, eyes scanning over the young man properly for the first time. He was pale, startlingly so, and it contrasted with the mass of neon red hair pretruding from his head. Two bright purple tattoo's stained his cheeks, and his eyes were such a vivid shade of green that they caused the breath Roxas hadn't known he was holding to plug in his throat. The eyes met his for a moment, dazzling him, and refusing to break the hold. When the mans gaze finally became too much Roxas looked away, skin breaking out into goosebumps.

The red head made a little motion of recognition with his hand, flicking it from his temple to the three Strife children. When their mother made some snide comment about them being paid to _work_ and not stand around gawking all day, Riku (with the briefest of nods at Sora, Roxas noticed) tugged Axel towards the door leading to the courtyard.

Roxas watched them with blank eyes, gaze resting lazily on the departing blur of red, before pushing himself from his seat, and heading towards the rear gardens.

oOOo

"What's with the blonde?" Axel asked as he and Riku walked back towards the stables. As predicted, the Strife family had pretty much acted like any other insanely rich, white upperclass family. They'd adhered to the stereotype almost perfectly; Strict, overbearing, hard to please parents; brooding, sulking, (not so) hard done by children. It was infuriating, really. But Axel was twenty-one and needed money, and Riku, like the lovely friend he was, had found him a ridiculously well paid job doing something he loved. Plus the recent move meant he now lived closer to two of his oldest friends, Demyx and Zexion. He could put up with a family like the Strife's for the sake of his paycheck and social life.

"Which one?"

"The younger one," Axel frowned. "The kid was staring at me as though I was some kind of alien."

"Oh, that's Roxas," Riku said, rolling his eyes. "He's a little shit. There's just something about him I don't trust. He's so ...false. Like he's prentending to be something he's not. I just don't trust anyone who can live a lie so convincingly. But maybe he has a point with the staring?"

"And what's that supposed to mean, Rupunzal?" Axel asked, tugging a long lock of Riku's hair.

Batting his friends hand away, Riku replied with a wry grin. "Your hair is outrageous, you had your face tattoo'd, you're a fucking lanky giant, and you've got a waist that most female models would envy. Need I go on?"

"Please do," Axel smirked. "It turns me on to hear you talk about me like that."

"Oh, Baby, you know how I do."

"Urch," Axel groaned, "such an expert cock-tease."

"You sounded a little too genuinely into that, Axe," Riku pushed Axel's ribs. "Didn't know you wanted my body that badly."

"What can I say, I obviously have a fetish for men with silver-blonde hair, and wears it like a girl."

"Before you go insulting my hair, how about you attempt to control your own mane."

"I'll have you know, the ladies dig the hair."

"Sure they do, man. Sure they do. I mean, what's not to love about a guy who's beyond ginger with hair like a chocobo's? It's practically orgasmic."

"Don't start that gay stuff again, Riku," Axel shoved his friend playfully. "We have to live together. There's only so much I can take before I'm going to snap, drag you up a mountain and have my wicked way with you."

"Such the romantic, Axel. If I bent that way, I'd bend for you."

"As delightful as that mental image is," Axel grinned. "I think we're being paid to work, not flirt."

oOOo

Roxas found himself, oddly enough, thinking about the new stable-hand over breakfast. As usual, his mother and father sat directly opposite each other at either head of the long, narrow table, whilst Sora and Roxas sat side-by-side on one side of the table, and Cloud on the other. The thick oak was furnished with grand, extravagant breakfast foods from around the world, cooked, as usual, by one of the chefs that the Strife family hired, and they were all supposed to just pick at what they wanted, and the rest would go to waste. As usual, none of them spoke.

But, it was in this silence, that Roxas' mind tugged his thought process in the direction of the newest member of staff.

Axel seemed so unlike the usual staff they hired. Riku himself, seemed ...different, for lack of better word, compared to the rest of the servants. He wore his silky hair long, refusing to cut it or tie it back like the rest of the hired help. He knew his place, and yet he wasn't adverse to doing things _his_ way, (not that the young stable-boy would say anything, mind you, he'd just work quietly under his own instructions.). But Axel? Well, he seemed to be something else all together. That cascading bright red hair, those two purple teardrop tattoos, his tall, lean frame. He seemed so unlike all those other maids and servants the Strife family usually hired. He wasn't a nameless, faceless blur, easy to confuse with any other maid. All cropped hair, poise and feigned politeness. He was odd, to say the least. And completely against the norm.

But, his curiosity troubled Roxas, because he didn't _like_ caring about people, or even simply just finding them interesting. He knew it was all an act, and that they'd lie and play along too.

Just so they could use him.

Jabbing angrily at the cut of salmon on his plate, Roxas excused himself and left.

oOOo

Today was a rare day off for Roxas.

His tutor, apparently, had come down with a terrible case of the flu, and was unable to make it. His father, of course, had reacted to the news badly, and talked about firing the man for his 'unreliability', and had Roxas actually cared, he'd have felt sorry for him. But Roxas knew the tutor was only in it for greed, and so any and all compassion fluttered away. There was also a pleasing lack of formal 'social' occasions today, meaning that as long as he didn't disturb his parents, he was free to do as he wished.

So he found himself sat leaning against one of the marble walls in the rear garden, his lame chocobo limping back and forth to catch the sticks Roxas was throwing for it, occasionally pausing to press his head affectionately against the blondes. The bird warked softly, and Roxas ruffled it's feathers, pushing at it playfully.

"Well, you seem to have a certain affinity for that chocobo," Roxas froze at the sound of the strange, nasally voice, whipping his head around to see Axel, the new stable boy, leaning over him. "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you, kid."

Roxas narrowed his eyes, and glanced at the hand Axel had extended towards him. It would begin again, he realised. More hired help acting like they _cared_ whilst only after his money. And he'd pretend to care too. Because that's what he did. He _pretended._ And he loathed himself for it.

"You didn't frighten me, and I'm not a kid," Roxas' voice was a degree more petulant than he would have liked it to sound, but he ignored it, turning back just in time to see his chocobo scamper away, struggling to keep up with its healthier companions.

"It's sick, you know," Axels voice was tinged with something that sounded a lot like how an adult sounds talking to a small child, and Roxas prickled.

"I'm well aware," The blonde was struggling to keep his voice level and calm, and his frustration spiked when the red-head quirked his eyebrows. "I look after him."

"Oh, well how sweet. What's he called?"

Roxas paused, because no-one besides his brothers and Namine had ever asked him that before, and Axel did _seem_ to be genuinely interested. Then again, Roxas knew how easily dollar signs could make people lie. "He..." Roxas' eyes narrowed, trying to evaluate the stable-hand. "doesn't have a name. I just call him Chocobo."

And then, much to Roxas' annoyance, Axel snorted, and rolled his eyes. "You sure put a lot of thought into that."

The reaction was entirely new to Roxas, and he honestly had no idea how to process it. Ordinarily, people would bend to his every whim, and treat every word he said as if it was the most precious and valued information in the world. Yet here was Axel, this strange new stable hand, boy looking and acting in an entirely different way to how anyone had ever acted towards Roxas before. He had no prepared response for such a sarcastic remark, because he'd never been faced with it before. His mind began to pull feably at straws but he kept coming up short.

Which is why Roxas snapped.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" He was suddenly leaping to his feet, pointing at Axel. "Don't you dare talk down to me, you're just hired help, and you've been here less than a day! I can have you _fired_ for treating me like this. Like I'm some child. I am your master, remember. And you should keep your position in mind!"

Then, Roxas froze. Because not only had he been thinking about the newcomer earlier, but now the red-head was getting under his skin and rattling him. He didn't like the sudden influx of emotion, and frowned. "Go and tend to the stables," he waved his hand dismissively, in a way very reminiscent of his mother, and turned his head from Axel. "After all, _that's_ in your job description, not standing around discussing the way I raise and care for my own pets."

Axel said nothing, but the way the young man's emerald eyes locked with the blondes, lingering just for a moment and narrowing ever-so-slightly, unnerved Roxas. The red-head finally dropped his gaze, before sauntering off in the general direction of the stables.

oOOo

"That kid is insane," Axel said, folding his shirt over the back of a chair, and grabbing his near empty packet of cigarettes. "He all but bit my head off about his pet chocobo."

"Kid's like that have never had real rules or boundries, at least not in the real world." Riku said simply. "I wouldn't sweat it."

"But it bothers me!" Axel huffed. "There's just something fundementally strange about that blonde little brat that's irritating me. When I was talking to Demyx earlier, he agreed that the kids mentality seems a little frail. I mean he all but had a tatrum over a chocobo."

"Like I said, just ignore it, it's who Roxas is."

Regarding the single cigarette in the pack with utter disapointment, Axel began fumbling in his draws for a lighter. "I refuse to ignore it, Riku. There's something infuriating about Roxas and his piss poor attitude, and it's bugging me that I can't work out what it is."

Finally tiring of his friends search, Riku dug into his jeans pocket and threw his own lighter at the red-head. Axel grinned in thanks, lit up, and let out a long relieved sigh.

"Steady on there, Red, you seem to be enjoying that cigarette a little too much."

"My first day, and I was verbally attacked by a blonde-haired, blue-eyed brat, with an apparently unexplained imediate dislike to me. I'm so stressed out by the whole experience that this cigerette is to me, what excess blood-money is to our delightful bosses."

Shaking his head, and collapsing back on his bed, Riku sighed. "Why do I have the sinking feeling that you're more than likely going to stir up trouble whilst you're here."

"Because, my dear friend," Axel said with a puff of smoke. "Like the raging, all consuming inferno I am, my behaviour is wild and unpredictable."

oOOo

Roxas, do you ever dream?"

The twins were lounging on Sora's bed together, fingers linked loosely. They'd been lying in silence for the most part, so Sora's question had lulled Roxas out of a half doze.

"Huh? Of course I do, Sora. What do you mean?" Roxas' brow furrowed in concern. "What's wrong, Sora?"

"Oh, nothing bad," the brunette shifted uncomfortably, fingers momentarily tightening around his brothers. "It's just, something that I keep dreaming about. I keep imagining that we live on this island. Called the Destiny Islands, or something really cheesy like that. And our friends are all there; Tidus, Selphie, Hayner, Pence, Olette..." Sora broke off, smiling dopily, and Roxas didn't have the heart to tell his brother that these people were using him, just as easily as they used Roxas. They weren't their friends. Not by a long shot. "some of the staff are there too," Sora paused again, this time biting his lip, a light pink staining his cheeks. Roxas was going to question it, but his brother had already continued. "And we're all so happy on this island. Cloud has Zack, I have... someone, and we're all happy."

"It sounds like a nice dream," Roxas mumbled, turning his face into the sheets. "I wish it was real, Sora."

"Me too," Sora's voice was soft, sleepy, and Roxas returned to his dozy state, fingers still interlaced with his twins.

They slept like that, side by side.

Roxas dreamt of tropical islands, and happiness. Soft sand, rolling waves, and warm sun. And he also dreamt of the emerald eyes that had bore into his own so powerfully.


	3. Chapter Two

**Another short chapter (I'm sorry!). I know it's starting off a little slow in pace, but I originally wrote the later chapters, and so I need to make sure that the story builds up in a way that makes what I originally wrote, work. Any/all reviews and critique are welcome!**

**oOOo **

Roxas' head spun as he come around. As usual, his internal body clock had timed him to wake just as the sun was rising, but, unusually, he wasn't in his own bed. Instead, he was still sprawled across Sora's bed, his brother's mouth open slightly as he dreamt. Smiling, and rising as carefully as he could, he left his brother in peace. The sunrise wouldn't be the same today, it felt too foreign now. As if viewing it when he'd just left Sora's room would spoil it, somehow. Roxas knew it was strange to think this way, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to go through with his usual routine. It just felt too out of place.

Instead, he found himself padding quietly to the lounge, and was surprised to find that Cloud was already there. The dog tags that he usually wore around his neck were cradled gently in his hand, and Cloud was balancing a sheet of paper on one knee, staring at it in a way that made Roxas' heart squeeze painfully.

"Cloud," Roxas' voice was gently, and his brother blinked twice, as if he was being snapped out of a daze, before turning to face Roxas with tired eyes. "are you okay?"

"Sure, Rox," Clouds voice sounded oddly choked, and Roxas took a seat next to him, leaning on his older brother slightly. "It's just... a letter came for me. It's from – it _was_ from Zack. They found it in his personal belongings, tucked away somewhere, and thought I deserved to have it."

Roxas winced, remembering the last letter that Cloud had received. Along with the letter from Zack's superior officer, informing Cloud of Zack's death, Cloud had also received the letter that broke his heart. With all soldiers being required to write a 'goodbye' letter for their loved ones, should anything happen to them, Zack's final few words to Cloud tore the oldest Strife sibling into tiny little pieces, fracturing his heart. It was like a reverse Dear John letter, only much more painful, more permanent, and the memory of how utterly heartbroken Cloud had been made Roxas shudder. He could still remember the letter, short, yet agonizing, and Roxas himself had cried, silently one night. Because it was then, though the letter was brief, that the realization of just how much Zack had loved Cloud had hit him, and Roxas wept for the loss his brother had to endure.

_My Cloud, my darling, darling Cloud. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you, that I never made it. It feels weird, writing this, knowing that you may or may not see it. So, if you do, if I'm...gone, just know I love you, very much. And I'm sorry that I've left you, and I wasn't there to protect you. Be my living legacy – yours always, Zack. _

Roxas looked at this new letter carefully, before placing a hand gently on his brother's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Cloud chewed on his lip for a moment, thinking over his younger brothers offer carefully, before nodding slowly. "Can I read it to you, Roxas? Please?"

Roxas swallowed hard, and nodded in encouragement. "Of course you can."

"Dearest Cloud," Voice trembling only slightly, Cloud continued. "I know things have been rough for you back home. Your parents are still giving you a hard time about me and the engagement, and for that I'm very sorry. Especially for leaving you to deal with it all on your own. Well, after weeks of nagging, Angeal finally agreed to let me take leave. So, as of next month, I've got six months off, Spikey! And, I might even be stationed at home during my leave, training up new cadets. You know what that means? We can be together. I've got some money saved up, too. Not enough to compete with your parent's wealth, but enough to get us a little place together, if that's what you wanted. Anyway, I'm not a complete sap. I'll see you soon. All my love, Zack."

Cloud paused, his hand tightening around Zack's dog tags. "He was coming home for me, Rox. This letter is dated the day before he was killed. It's not fair."

Roxas fought back the tears that were currently brimming in his eyes, and wrapped his arms around his brother. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I'm so sorry."

The world was a disgusting place, and Roxas felt sickened by his very presence on the planet. He just couldn't understand what sort of world could allow for someone like Cloud to be repeatedly kicked and punished for a crime he did not commit. It was as though the universe has a personal vendetta agasintst the Strife family, which prevented any of them from ever achieving true happiness. If life was a fairystory, then the Strife's story would always fall just a couple of pages short of the 'happy-ever-after'.

Roxas could sort of accept the fact that he would never attain happiness, but discovering that Cloud was so close to achieving the fairytale with Zack, only to have that ripped from his grasp, was heartbreaking.

Roxas was orbiting a black hole, but he had no fucking idea if he had passed the event horizon. He was completely oblivious as to whether or not he was past the point of no return, and could only continue to struggle against the inevitable. Both he and Cloud were horribly broken, but Roxas could not even admit that to himself, let alone others – especially his brothers. He would continue to pretend as if everything was fine and hide his true self behind a mask of pseudo-confidence.. However, the reality was that he was putrefying flesh clinging to bone; skin that was curling from muscle, whilst his decaying innards spilled from his rot distended stomach.

oOOo

The next few days turned into one big, messy blur. As usual, Roxas was forced to act like the perfect son. He'd wake up, and his tutors would drum something-or-other into his head, before he'd be whisked off to various social and networking events. There, he'd smile, nod, and play the part of the brilliant child of aristocracy; suave, polite, handsome and heir to a large empire. As he'd expected, their parents had paid little to no attention to Clouds obvious distress, instead choosing to chastise their son for moping, and 'showing them up' at their social events. Roxas felt as though the glass surrounding his 'perfect' little world was splintering, and threatening to crack, but yet he still couldn't stop himself playing the part.

There was only one difference to his usual routine; something – or someone- tall, lean and with a wild mane of red hair. Roxas had not spoken to Axel since his outburst, but when he'd seen the red-head coming out of the staff's living quarters, or entering the stables, he'd feel the strange urge to apologise. To explain that he was out of order for flying off the handle so easily. Yet at the same time, he stopped himself. Because he knew that the stable-hand didn't _deserve _his apology. Roxas knew that just like all the other servants; like the so called 'friends', 'au-pairs', Axel wouldn't even _care. _And yet... he'd feel the back of his neck prickling, and he'd find that Axel would be watching him carefully, his green eyes flashing for just a moment, before the red-head would look away and continue with any work that he might have.

And it really, really unnerved Roxas.

oOOo

One week after Axels introduction, Roxas found himself outside the stables, the brand new thoroughbred that his parents had so 'kindly' bought him (or, as Roxas thought of it, had purchased as a substitute for actual compassion) snorting at him. Strider, the inky black horse that was currently looking _very_ agitated, pawed at the ground, and Chocobo jumped, limping behind Roxas and cowering in fear. The blonde scratched the back of his head, wondering just _how_ he was even going to get on the beast, when he heard _him._

"He won't let you ride him, you know," Roxas turned his head, to see Axel, dressed in dusty jeans and a button-down checked work shirt, carrying a large leather saddle under one arm, and a pile of hay under the other.

Scowling, the blonde crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you make a habit of undermining me regarding my own pets?"

Axel carefully set down what he was carrying, brushing his hands on his thighs before sauntering over to the blonde. "No, seriously. He won't. The week I've been here he's been a temperamental little shit, nipping at anyone. Looks like either no-one bothered to break him properly, or he's just really, really spirited."

Narrowing his eyes, Roxas nudged his chocobo from his side, and took a step closer to Strider. He tried not to flinch when the horse snapped at him in response. "And what makes you so qualified to tell me about my own horse?"

Axel let out a laugh, hands coming to rest on slim hips. "I work in the stables, remember? I'm certified in equine care."

Roxas felt an embarrassed blush immediately rising to his cheeks, and instead of replying, he took one last look at the horse, before placing one food into the stirrup, and swinging his leg over the saddle. Immediately, the horse bucked, throwing Roxas off, so that the blonde rolled, face hitting the ground with a painful _thump_, mouth filling with the coppery taste of blood. He was surprised when he felt slim yet strong hands fluttering over his body, ceasing him by the shoulders and turning him over gently.

"Are you okay?" Green eyes hovering above him seemed to flicker with genuine concern, and Roxas groaned in response, head spinning as he tried to push himself up. "Oh no, no you don't," One of the firm hands found its way to his chest, gently pushing Roxas back. "I wouldn't get up just yet if I were you. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Get off me," Roxas moaned, batting at Axel feebly. The red-head stopped, hands dropping and pulling away from the blonde. "I don't need your help," Roxas growled, wincing at the way his split lip seemed to worsen when he spoke, a thin trail of blood beginning to dribble down his chin.

Before he could wipe it away, Roxas felt Axel's warm fingers under his chin, tilting the blondes face up as the red-head inspected his face. "Shit," Axel's voice was soft, but his hands firm as he kept Roxas -who was still trying to squirm away from the touch- still. "You're bleeding."

Axels hand momentarily left Roxas' face, to dig around in his pockets, pulling out a small, pocket sized first aid kit. When Roxas raised his eyebrows, Axel shrugged, opening the kit and getting out an antiseptic spray and a Q-tip. "It's easy to get cuts and scrapes doing this type of work. Better to clean it up straight away, than risk infection. This...is going to hurt."

Roxas let out a thin hiss of pain when the sterilized Q-tip touched his lip, his knuckles turning white as he balled his hands into fists. He also felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment; not only did he disobey advice and end up getting hurt, but the stable-hand was currently helping him over a split lip, and he just_ knew_ that smug little bastard was dying to add an 'I told you so'. (Even if he would say nothing for the sake of his job.)

"Looks like you're ready to go, kid. It's stopped bleeding." Axel stood up, dusting off his jeans before extending a hand, offering to help the blonde to his feet. Roxas stared at it for a moment, before grudgingly accepting.

"Thanks," his voice was a little sulkier than he'd intended, but _oh well_. "I bet you're just itching to say 'I told you so', right? It's written all over your arrogant little face."

Raising an eyebrow, Axel folded his arms. "Sorry, kid, but that's not my style. I'm a grownup, not a little brat."

"I'm not a kid, so stop calling me one. I'm eighteen. And your employer."

Axel seemed unaffected, rolling his shoulders. "I'm twenty-one, and can always get another job."

Frowning, Roxas crossed his arms. "You don't address me like the rest of the staff do. It's almost like you don't even want the job."

Axel had already returned to the discarded saddle and hay, and was currently trying to balance the two under each arm. "That's not it at all. I want this job. I _need_ this job. I'm just here to _work_, not treat you like royalty." Axel didn't say anything else, instead walking away and returning to his duties, leaving Roxas standing alone, dumbstruck.

oOOo

The day had been long and laborious, and instead of retreating back to their communal apartment with Riku, Axel had decided to visit two of his friend's apartment. Both being students at Radiant Garden University, it wasn't as if Axel had far to walk, and, in all honesty, Axel just wanted to get away from that God-damned manor. Collapsing into a squishy leather chair, Axel sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"You know what, as much as I appreciate Riku getting me this job, I think I'm going to quit."

"Wait, what?" Demyx, a mulleted blonde, and someone Axel had been friends with for some years, shrieked. "Why the hell would you want to do that? You're living in Radiant Garden - of all places - your wage is brilliant, and you're doing a job you love. You've been here a couple of days. Why the hell would you want to leave?"

"Because I have a feeling that this kid is going to make my life a living hell."

"You're bosses son?" Zexion, Demyx's long term partner, asked, collapsing down beside Axel.

"The very one. I swear he has some sort of underlying complex going on that makes him completely and utterly insane."

"He can't be that bad!" Demyx said, nursing a cup of hot chocolate between thin, musician fingers. "You have to be exaggerating."

"No, I swear to God," Axel chuckled, but it was humourless. "First, he threw a fucking tantrum over his pet chocobo, and then today. Well, today was something else. He got thrown off this horse I warned him against riding, and when I tried to help him because he'd split his lip, I honestly thought he was going to fire me on the spot. It was as though I'd just told him I was going to pin him down and have my wicked way with him, he was that disgusted. He's too pampered, and I honestly can't see myself surviving a temper like that for much longer."

"As bad as that sounds," Zexion added, quietly. "It's probably because you yourself have the temperament of a wildfire that you're clashing with him."

"No, I don't think that's it," Axel rolled his eyes, lolling his head back behind him. "I think there's just something fundamentally wrong with the kid, and he's so annoyed at the world, or at himself – who knows? – that he's just going to be a walking bag of bitch. I honestly don't know if I can stick at a job when my boss is an eighteen year old millionaire who apparently hates me."

"I don't know," Demyx leaned forward to pat Axel's knee. "Chin up, dude. Give it a couple more weeks. I'm sure things will change."

oOOo

_I'm here to work, not treat you like royalty._

Roxas lay quietly on his bed, the words spinning in his mind. Axel had certainly sounded sincere at the statement, but Roxas couldn't trust it - wouldn't trust it.

Because it was something he'd always wanted to hear. He'd always wanted to be treated like he was a _normal_ person, and not pampered and preened over. Yet, something about Axel in particular was making him uneasy. He couldn't quite place it; all he knew is that the red-head rattled in on some instinctive level that he didn't understand. He treated Roxas in a way that was completely foreign, and although they'd only had two – very brief- interactions, on both occasions Roxas had found himself getting emotional and worked up, the presence of the red-head making him on edge.

Sighing, and giving up, Roxas rolled over and tried to sleep, hoping things would become clearer in the morning.


	4. Chapter Three

**I can't believe how much you guys like this. It started off as just a small brain child, to help me keep my mind off of my exams, and I never expected anyone (beyond myself) to actually have an active interest in it! Your reviews all mean so much to me, and I cannot thank you all enough.**

From the moment that Roxas had stepped foot downstairs, he knew that there was no way he would be able to escape his parents. Although Axel's quick sterilization of the cut had left it uninfected, Roxas' split lip had worsened horribly overnight; the lower lip bruising terribly around the cut, swollen and puffy. He tried to brace himself for whatever his parents would say next, he knew it was coming, but it still stung all the same.

The breakfast table fell silent when he eventually swallowed and entered the dining room, noticeably different from his usually immaculate state.

"What the _hell _is that on your face?" Roxas' father reached forward, grabbing Roxas' face roughly between his fingers and turning it to inspect it.

"That horse you bought me - the young stallion - it threw me off, yesterday," the blonde winced, and glanced up at Sora, who tried to offer a weak, sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Roxas' father sighed, releasing his face and motioning the teenager to sit down. "You really should learn to _think_ first, Roxas. You know we have that function tonight. It's a very important ball! There are a lot of big families going. The Dincht's, Lockhart's, Heartilly's and Leonhart's to name a few! You're so selfish, Roxas. How do you think _that_ will reflect on our family? Heir to the Strife dynasty with a _split lip. _"

"I don't think that's very fair," Sora's voice was quiet, yet there was some sort of solid determination in it. "It was the horse who threw him. The same horse that you'd been bugging him to ride."

Shooting his brother a quick look of thanks, Roxas turned back to his father. "I'll make sure I find some way of covering the worst of it for tonight."

"You'd better."

oOOo

The day seemed to pass strangely. After the incident about the split lip, breakfast seemed to drag out agonizingly slowly, an awkward, bitter tension filling the room. However, the rest of the day seemed to go by in great big dollops, and it was no time at all before Roxas found himself in his en-suit, wearing just a pair of black suit pants, his lip covered as best as it could be, and searching through his seemingly endless collection of dress shirts, blazers and tuxedo jackets, looking for something to wear.

He found himself distracted, his mind wandering to his confrontation with Axel the previous day. Try as he might, Roxas just couldn't place what it was about Axel that got him so worked up. It wasn't so much as a dislike, but something about Axel seemed to make Roxas agitated in a strange, foreign way. It was extremely different to the way in which the people he normally faced within his society agitated him. With them, it was their pretentious, self absorbed, money-grabbing ways that agitated him, but he could always hide it, pretended he didn't notice or care. Pretending he was one of them. But something about Axel... in both of their interactions he felt unable to control himself, and couldn't decide what he felt about the red-head. Whether he hated him, or whether Roxas had just become so bitter and cynical, that he'd forgot how to deal with people that weren't from rich, aristocrat backgrounds.

"Roxas?" Sora's head was poking through Roxas' door and the blonde smiled, motioning his brother in with a hand. The brunette was wearing black dress pants, with a pale blue long sleeved shirt and a black tie, undone, swinging loosely over his shoulders.

"Gimme a hand with the tie, please?"

Roxas smiled, raising a hand to ruffle his twins hair. "Sure, dummy. Though you should _really_ learn to do these yourself. We go to enough events."

"I don't intend on wearing them once I escape." The brunettes grin was comical, and at that Roxas couldn't help but laugh. Sora's expression softened and his fingers touched the blondes cheek gently. "It's so nice to hear you laughing. You're always so sad lately. And I feel like you don't talk to me enough, I know you don't _have_ to tell me anything, but we are twins and... I'm here, you know, Rox? You know that, right?"

"Sure I do," Roxas took the tie, forcing a grin for his brother as he slipped the accessory around Sora's neck, knotting it. The patted it in place carefully, and Sora smiled in thanks, taking a seat on Roxas' bed as the blonde continued to look for a shirt.

When Roxas finally found a shirt; crisp, white and not as pretentious as some of the other clothes his parents bought him, he slipped it on, buttoning it carefully. "Sora, does the stable boy seem ...odd to you?"

Sora collapsed back on the bed, scratching his head in though. "I wouldn't really say odd. I guess Riku's a little... different from most people we meet, but he's not odd."

"No, no. Not _Riku_. The new one. Axel."

Sora sat up again, shrugging but with a good-natured smile quirking his lips. "Couldn't really say. I was surprised Mother and Father even _hired_ him, what with the facial tattoo's and crazy hair, but I don't really know of him, so I couldn't say if he was odd or not." Sora paused as Roxas slipped his own tie on. "Why?"

"No reason," Roxas turned away from his brother, gnawing his lip. "Just thinking out loud, I guess."

oOOo

The ball was a typical affair. All glitz and glamour; one business meeting masquerading as a dance. Where all the rich families would bring their heirs, sending their children off to dance with one another – perhaps setting up said children for future benefits in business – whilst the parents talked money.

When the Strife family arrived, it was exactly as to be expected. Parents drinking from champagne flutes, whilst the centre of the beautiful ballroom several sons and daughters of various families were twirling.

When Roxas felt his father's firm hands guide him away from the families spot, and lead him towards a horrifying familiar figure, his stomach dropped. He recognised the man as the owner of Lockhart Incorporated – Tifa's father, and Roxas just couldn't understand why his father would possibly introduce him to Roxas.

"Roxas," His father's voice was sickeningly false. "You remember Mr Lockhart, don't you?"

"Of course!" Roxas internally cringed at how equally fake he sounded, and he repeated again just how much he hated this world.

"Well, then I'd like to introduce you to Xion Lockhart, you wouldn't mind dancing with her, would you? So that her father and I can talk?"

"Of course, father." Not that Roxas could say no, of course. And so, a slim, inky haired girl was ushered into his arms. He bowed, taking her hand and kissing it, before leading her away to the dance floor. She was delicate, small like a doll, her tiny frame and big blue eyes making her like impossibly fragile. Yet there was something of her sister there too; the same smooth milky skin, fine dark hair, and an underlying strength that contrasted greatly with her physical appearance. She took his outstretched hands coyly, dancing rigidly for a while, before seemingly starting to relax a little.

Frustratingly, Roxas seemed to have an effect on these people. He acted so well, that he always lulled them into the false belief that he was one of them, down to the core. That he actually _enjoyed_ these stupid, pointless events.

"You're a good dancer," Xion's voice was soft, but her smile seemed sincere. Probably a show, but nonetheless, Roxas would play the part of the perfect gentleman.

"Thank you," His smile was positively glowing, but, should anyone care to look, they'd see that it was terribly hollow. As expected, Xion didn't noticed, and was instead dazzled by it. "But a gentleman is only as good as his partner."

This seemed to have a profound effect on the girl, and she grinned, ducking her head in an attempt to disguise a blush. "You're too kind."

Roxas smiled, and continued to guide the girl in a simple waltz, occasionally inviting her to do a twirl, or to spin, but mostly keeping the dance undemanding. As they danced, he tried to pick out people he knew. Or, at least knew of. He had a strange fascination with people watching at these events, trying to suss out whether they were as completely false and money grabbing as they seemed.

The Estheim's – new to money. The mother, Nora, seemed nice enough, but the father Bartholomew, reminded Roxas a little too much of his own father. Hope, the son – a few years younger than Roxas – seemed nice enough though. A sweet boy, but Roxas had a sinking feeling that _this_ world might change that in the next few years.

The Bunansa's – The eldest son, Balthier, flamboyant and ostentatious as they came. Utterly corrupted by the money. His fiancé, Fran, seemed sickening similar, too.

The Guado's – Corrupt, self obsessed family.

The Shinra's – Business tycoons, with money and power being their only passions in life.

Roxas hated them all, if he was honest. And yet, just as easily as they would feign interest, Roxas would be polite and pretend to care, if that was what he asked of him.

Returning his attention to the pretty young girl in his arms, Roxas forced a smile, and inwardly sighed.

oOOo

Cloud had been left alone at the Strife table.

He'd watched with dismay, as his father had led Roxas away to dance with the youngest Lockhart girl. He guessed that it would be to make up for Cloud's 'embarrassment' regarding Tifa, and the guilt that his younger brother had to make up for his 'mess' turned his stomach. Then, his mother had got up and left, having seen the Kinneas family, decided to introduce Sora to their youngest daughter, Kairi. Left alone, Cloud pulled out Zack's dog tags, which he'd tucked safely away in his jacket pocket, thumb gently brushing over the imprint of Zack's name.

He wasn't quite sure how – or even why – but a couple on the ballroom floor suddenly caught his eye. The man couldn't have been any older than Cloud himself, and the girl perhaps a little younger – maybe eighteen or nineteen. Both were striking brunettes, and they seemed to be so in-sync as they danced, Cloud couldn't help but look. They were enchanting to watch, spinning, twirling, brushing past each other in graceful co-ordination. His fingers were still gently kneading the metal dog tags, but his eyes now followed the graceful couple hungrily, completely absorbed by the way they moved in utter harmony. When the brunette male finally caught her during their last spin, before bowing and heading away from her, Cloud's head followed him curiously.

His attention then returned to the charms at his fingers, smiling slightly at his lover's name. Zack Fair. Such a perfect name, for a perfect man. It still killed Cloud, nearly two years since the tragedy, that he was gone. And with the recent discovery of Zack's last letter, the pain seemed all the more real. Cloud's thoughts, grower all the more dark, were interrupted when the man he'd watched dancing, cleared his throat.

"Are you okay?" The strangers voice was fairly monotone, but there did seem to be some concern.

A short bark of bitter laughter burst from Clouds lips, and he shrugged. "I'm okay as I'm ever going to be again, I guess. But thank you for asking..." Cloud trailed off, neither inviting or pushing the stranger to give him his name.

"Squall, Squall Leonhart," The brunette extended a hand, retracting it again when he spotted Zack's dog-tags, and instead lowering himself in the chair next to Cloud. "You must be Cloud Strife."

Narrowing his eyes, the blonde watched Squall carefully. "How do you know?"

"Everyone in this circle knows _of _you. The Lockhart family are a powerful family. Not many people would turn down the opportunity to marry into such... superiority. The dog-tags give it away, though. I'm sorry for your loss. I went to a military school myself, and I'd heard about him. Zack was said to have been a great man, even if the people here didn't see it."

Cloud remained silent for a moment, dazed, before finally swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, and nodding. "Thank you. He was the greatest man I'll ever meet."

Squall nodded briefly, before turning away, heading back to the pretty young girl who had apparently returned to the dance floor, and was waiting for him. "See you around, Cloud."

"Yeah."

oOOo

Roxas leant out of his open window, arms folded on the pain, as the cool nights breeze washed over him. All-in-all, the night had been exhausting. He'd been forced to dance with Xion much longer than he'd expected, and his feet had seriously began to ache after the eighth or ninth song. Sora, at one point, had joined them on the dance floor, Kairi Kinneas on his arm. A couple of concerned glances over, told Roxas that for the most part, Cloud had been left on his own, no longer the 'favourite' son since the Zack-Tifa 'debacle'. Roxas did, however, at one point notice his older brother talking to the Lionhart son, a boy notorious for being blunt and aloof. But, he'd joined Roxas on the ballroom floor shortly after, his dance partner - a girl Roxas recognised as Rinoa Heartilly - making whatever dancing Roxas and Sora had been doing with Xion and Kairi, look terribly uncoordinated in comparison.

Roxas had spent the rest of the night being ushered back and forth between various business contacts of his fathers. They'd force polite conversation, occasionally casting looks of mild distaste at his bruised lip (which they'd tried, and failed to mask), and generally act how everyone _always_ acted at these functions. Now he found himself exhausted, and with his parents and brothers in bed, alone in the darkness.

Roxas wasn't sure how long he'd been leaning against the windowpane, caught up in his thoughts, when he heard the soft mumbling. He sat up a little straighter, peering out of his window, and was surprised to see Chocobo warking quietly to someone, as he hobbled around on his lame leg. As Roxas' struggled to see just who that person was in the weak moonlight, the bird tugged at their hood with its beak, revealing unmistakable red hair.

Roxas' eyes widened in surprise, only to soften again when Axel patted the bird affectionately, his arms wrapping against the Chocobo's neck. Despite himself, Roxas felt a strange sensation wash over him, and watched silently as the stable-boy settled himself on what would undoubtedly be cold, wet grass, Chocobo settling down beside him and nuzzling Axel gently. The red-head began ruffling Chocobo's feathers when the bird lay it's head on his lap. Unconsciously, the side of Roxas' lips pulled up, and when Chocobo's leg twitched in comical delight, Axel tossed his head back in gentle laughter, hand covering his mouth.

Roxas' eyes followed the movement sub-consciously, some sort of strange, magnetic pull controlling him. It was such a pleasant change, Roxas found, watching someone behave naturally, at ease. Someone who wasn't pretending to be someone they weren't for self gain.

Roxas wasn't sure how much longer the red head sat there with his favourite pet, not was he sure how much longer he sat watching the two of them. What Roxas was sure of, however, is that when Axel got up, leaving the bird with one final pat, the unease and agitation was back, turning Roxas' stomach, and making his mind spin.


	5. Chapter Four

**Ah, I went to see Shinedown and Halestorm on the 12****th**** Feb in Bristol, and it was one of the best gigs of my life. We were right by the stage, and Eric (of Shinedown) and Arejay (from Halestorm) were amazing, we were so close to those two, too. **_**Touching **_**distance. So I'm now currently rocking various tee's that I bought at the gig, as I write. Anyway, back to the story. Thank you again for all your lovely reviews! I really appreciate it. Any comments are read and cherished, and I will gladly take on board any constructive criticism. **

oOOo

It was a strange dream. Nonsensical, yet frightening. They were all leaving him, and Roxas could do nothing to stop it. His parents, his brothers, even Chocobo, all leaving him to become part of the plastic world. And shutting Roxas out in the process. He was crying – screaming, and none of them even glanced in his direction. It was frighteningly real, the same smothering sense of loneliness he felt in real life, only amplified horribly.

The only thing that seemed to look in his direction was a foreign, yet familiar, pair of eyes; green and intense, evaluating him slowly as the world around him crumbled.

Roxas awoke to a thin film of sweat covering his body, chest heaving. Groaning, he glanced at the clock, seeing that it was 6am he decided to get out of bed, enjoying his time alone for a little longer this morning. Trying to force the dream to the back of his mind, Roxas tried to concentrate on the future. He'd officially be a graduate soon, not that a combination of tutors and prestigious schools actually qualified as real place to graduate from, but still. Roxas could kid himself about what he would do after graduation; it could be just like the movies, he'd meet someone incredible and travel the world, or run away to University where he'd spend the next four years learning incredible things and meeting incredible people. Realistically, Roxas knew that this would never happen. He'd simply become part of his parent's business, just like he'd been groomed for his entire life. Especially now: now that Cloud was no longer favourite son, no longer heir to the Strife Empire. Their parents had already decided, though they'd never said it aloud, that Roxas was to be the new successor, heir to a multimillion dollar business dynasty. After all, he was the more level headed twin. The brother that played along with the charade the most. The one that was best at pretending.

He'd probably work lower down in the business for a while, just a member of the boardroom, before he'd eventually take over from his father. Then, Roxas would probably be expected to marry into money, making sure any future generations of Strife would not only inherit their mothers and fathers wealth, but would come from a strong, rich bloodline.

It was Roxas' life, all laid out for him, and Roxas had no idea how to divert the course he was on.

oOOo

"Sora," Cloud was tapping impatiently at the brunette's en-suit door, whilst Roxas sat on Sora's bed, bouncing slightly. Sora had apparently decided to lock himself in there, considering that their mother had decided because the teenager and Kairi Kinneas got on _so_ well at the ball, that they should spend the day together. Sora had decided that he didn't want to go, but rather than face the wrath of their parents, he'd simply lock himself in his bathroom. Leaving his two brothers to try and persuade him that as tasking as spending the day with Kairi might be, it would be better than the frosty response they'd get off of their parents, should he do otherwise. "I thought that you liked Kairi?"

"I did!" Sora whined.

"Then what is the problem?" Clouds impatience was comical, and Roxas could suppress the smirk on his lips.

"You know what Mother and Father are like, Cloud! Besides, Kairi was on about how I would look _cute_ in pink. _Pink_. I need to preserve what little masculine pride I have! I can't let some pretty little girl dress me like a _marshmallow_."

"Sora, I heard that her older brother likes to dress up as a cowboy," Cloud tried, sort of weakly, all things considered.

"Cloud," Sora's voice came through as a thin moan from behind the door, and Roxas couldn't help but chuckle. "That sounds like some odd, sexual fetish. Why would I be interested in _that?_"

Groaning, the oldest Strife sibling pounded his fist harder against the door. "Sora, _open this door_, before I throw Mog in the trash." Roxas' eyes flickered to Sora's stuffed moogle, which was currently tucked under the brunette's pillow, and a grin spilt his lips. He knew that Clouds threat would be hollow, but he knew that his twin would take it _very _seriously. Which was sort of funny, given Sora's early claims of 'masculine pride'.

You wouldn't _dare_!" Sora's voice was utterly appalled, pitch several octaves higher than usual. Clouds own lips began to twitch, and he winked at Roxas.

"Oh, I would, Sora. In fact," This time a wicked grin stole over Cloud's lips, bold and bright. "I might just tear him up, bit by bit, before I throw him out. He's here in my arms, he'd be so easy to break.,."

At that, there was a shriek, the sound of the door quickly being unlocked, and Sora bolting out of the door. Wild blue eyes snapped to Cloud, focusing on the blonde's empty hands, evidently looking for the moogle. When he noticed that Mog, was in fact, still on his bed, he went to make a move back towards the bathroom, only for his older brother to catch him in strong arms.

"Oh no you don't, not again," Cloud chuckled, pulling the door shut with one hand, still restraining his brother with the other arm. Roxas was practically in stitches on the bed, doubled over with laughter, as he watched his two brothers' struggle. "Now you, _get down stairs_."

"Roxas!" Sora, still struggling wildly in Clouds grip, turned to face the blonde who was still in hysterics, voice pleading. "Swap places! Go instead of me! We're twins, it could work!"

"We're non-identical twins, you twit," Roxas laughed, groping for Mog and throwing it at his brother. "I think that everyone would notice. Besides, pinks more your colour. It would clash too much with my hair."

With a final moan of defeat, Sora accepted his fate and loosened himself of Cloud's grasp, one last forlorn look at the bathroom door, before heading towards the stair case. One look at the sag of their brothers shoulders, had Roxas and Cloud in further hysterics, both blondes doubled over in fits of laughter. When it eventually died down, Cloud sat beside Roxas, ruffling his younger brother's hair.

"It feels nice, doesn't it?" Cloud mused, voice gentle. "Genuine laughter. It's so rare in this house."

Roxas nodded, smile dimming a bit. It was sad to think about, really. The fact that laughter _was_ that rare in the Strife household. Especially between the brothers. There was no denying they loved each other dearly. And, with the realization that Hayner, Pence and Olette only tolerated him for money, Roxas had discovered with a sadness, that Cloud and Sora were his only friends. He'd count Namine too, but his cousin lived so far away, and was able to visit so rarely that it didn't feel real. Sora was still naive, still believed that Wakka, Tidus and Selphie were true friends, and Cloud had some contact with a few of Zack's military buddies, but other than that, the three brothers only had each other.

The world was terribly cruel, Roxas thought, to surround the three of them with people who would bend over backwards for any of them, and yet leave the Strife kids so lonely.

"Cloud," Roxas tried to dispel the black thoughts that had suddenly formed in his mind. "What do_ you _think of Axel?"

Cloud seemed to react to the sudden topic change with slight confusion, having been oblivious to Roxas' chain of thought. As the older blonde furrowed his brow in thought, Roxas was interested to hear Cloud's reaction. After all, Sora's response the night before had offered Roxas very little insight to just why the stable hand got so far under Roxas' skin.

Cloud made a small humming noise in the back of his throat, fingers massaging his brothers scalp gently. "He seems good at his job. He's always very polite and formal whenever I have to interact with him. When I took Nazgul out for a ride yesterday, Axel was very quiet and efficient. Barely saying a word."

Roxas frowned at Cloud's statement, mulling it over. Axel had behaved very differently with the teen, undermining him first with Chocobo, and again a week later regarding Strider. Even though Axel had been right the latter time, and Strider had proven himself to be a difficult horse, the manner in which Axel addressed Roxas was hardly "formal" and quiet. Considering that every other servant addressed the entire Strife family as "master" or "mistress", Axel's behaviour was very out of sorts.

"Why?" Cloud asked. "Has he said something to you that he shouldn't?"

"Oh no," and Roxas really had no idea why he was lying. "I was just...curious."

"You know if he does anything that he shouldn't..."

"Cloud," Roxas was suddenly chuckling again. "He's a stable-hand, not a molester. Besides, he's little more than a servant. I was just interested in your opinion, considering that he's not only ...different to most of the staff Mother and Father hire, but because he's also around your age."

Cloud watched Roxas for a moment, with something in his eyes that Roxas couldn't quite recognise. "Hmm, like I said. He seems nice enough. But really, he's just like all the others, Rox."

Wherein lay the problem.

Because Roxas was pretty sure that Axel was_ nothing_ like the others. After all, it only took a few words from the red-head to get Roxas riled up, and in little more than a week, Roxas had become more intrigued by him, than anyone else he'd met in a very long time. He just couldn't work out_ why._

oOOo

Axel was on Roxas' mind.

A lot.

It was strange, really. In the week that Axel had been working on the estate, Roxas had only had a handful of interactions with him, all resulting in an onslaught of powerful emotions. But Roxas couldn't help but think of the red-head. Something about him captured Roxas' attention in a strange, unfamiliar way. Roxas' thoughts drifted to how Axel acted with Chocobo the night before, and something pained Roxas deep inside his chest. He couldn't place the feeling, didn't want to - it confused and frightened him far too much.

Roxas, much like the day before, found himself nervously outside of the families stable block. The stables themselves had been divided into two: the luxurious stable block that housed the families own, personal horses, and the more professional block, which was home to the many horses owned that would be used in shows and competitions.

Taking a deep breath, Roxas stepped inside the stable block. As he'd been fearing, Axel was inside, currently cleaning out one stall belonging to Sora's horse, Eowyn, whilst Riku groomed the mare. Whatever conversation they had been having dimming upon Roxas' entrance, Riku hazarded a timid smile at the blonde. Roxas gave one small nod in response, heart sinking a bit when Axel gave him little more than a respectful bow to the head.

Letting the two stable-hands return to their work, passing various stalls of horses. The very last stall was occupied by Strider, and Roxas swore that he could feel his lip throb at the very_ sight_ of the animal. It the next stall, Cloud's cobalt, Nazgul, whinnied softly, and compared to the way Strider pawed the ground angrily in response, Roxas groaned. When he reached for the horses reins to lead it out, at the horse snapped at him, Roxas heard Riku and Axel's laughter, loud and mocking. Anger bubbled through him, and abandoning his quest of attempting to tame the beast, he stalked back to the two servants.

"Do you think that's funny?" Roxas demanded angrily. Riku and Axel's laughter stopped, Riku shooting a worried glance at Axel, whilst the red-heads eyes remained steadily on Roxas, a slim brow quirked.

"Um," Riku began, voice quivering. "Pardon, sir?"

"Laughing at me!" Roxas snapped, glaring daggers at Axel.

"We weren't," Riku's voice had become both confused and anxious. "I promise we weren't, Sir, I promise -"

"You're lying!" Roxas was enraged and couldn't stop himself. "I could get you both fired!"

"You're being paranoid, kid." Axel interrupted, voice calm but with a strange, almost threatening quality. " I know you have some unexplained problem with me, but Riku's done nothing wrong, except get pissed on by a horse. Which, by the way, was the reason for our laughter."

Roxas was stopped in his tracks, his eyes looking at Riku properly for the first time, and noticing that yes, in fact, Riku's jeans had a big, wet stain on them. Flushing with embarrassment, the blonde tossed the reins on the floor, angrily storming out of the stable block.

He wasn't aware that Axel had followed him out until the red-head shouted after him. "Hey, that was really uncalled for. I don't care whether you're worth one hundred dollars, or one hundred million, you cannot just accuse people of things, throw little temper tantrums, and storm about the place like an angry little child."

"What are you?" Roxas hissed, waving his hands in a vague motion. "You act like you're so superior, just because you work for a living. Like my wealth puts me at some sort of moral disadvantage. You act like you're so special. So high-and-mighty. So smug and arrogant. You treated me like a kid over my chocobo, you tried to prove me wrong and baby me over my horse, and today I make one mistake and you act like I'm some child. I've seen the looks you give me, the little raising of your eyebrows as if I'm just another pampered little brat. The tone in your voice like you're talking to a baby. You have no idea what it's like being me. No idea!"

"What the hell is your problem, kid?" Axel snapped green eyes blazing, voice dripping with venom. "Most of it's in your head! As if I actually put that much thought into my facial expressions or tones, just for the pleasure of pissing some stroppy teen I met s_even days_ ago. You have no real concept of problems. Poor little rich kid, always on the attack, so hard done by. With his big house, servants, fancy clothes. Never having to worry about money!"

"None of that means _anything!" _Roxas' voice was near hysterical, and tears of frustration were beginning to form in his eyes. "I could have all the money in the world and I'd still feel like this; I'd still be fucking _lonely."_

It was as though a door had been opened, and Roxas couldn't seem to stop himself now, even as the tears streamed down his face. "Do you even know what it's like? Your whole life being one big act? Being groomed so that you can wine and dine others; spend your whole life networking people who couldn't care _less_ about you? Do you know what it's like, seeing your own parents place social status above their own brother? Seeing your brother utterly _heartbroken_ and being unable to do anything as he puts on a brave face to the world? I am almost constantly surrounded by a stream of people who are all desperate to please me, all for money and association with the Strife family name. There's always a sea of people, who frankly couldn't care less, who I have to act with. Pretend I'm this perfect son, rich in aristocracy, and eager to join them. And none of these people, not one fucking person, actually see how lonely I am. And then there's _you_. And you're so different and you're interesting to me, and I have no idea why, because you make me so angry. So _emotional_. And you're so..."

"I hate it, I hate it all! I hate the people, the money, the lifestyle. I hate myself for pretending! It's not fair, I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I -"Roxas was surprised when he felt two strong, lean arms wrap around his body, pulling him tightly against Axel's chest and effectively cutting off his rant. The red head hands were warm and solid on his back, and Roxas sobbed into Axels shoulder, body sagging.

The stable-boy finally pulled back, placing one hand comfortingly on Roxas' shoulder. "I'm sorry," Axel's voice was quiet, and Roxas refused to meet his gaze. "I didn't know. I... I shouldn't have acted like I did."

Roxas shrugged, his eyes still lingering on the ground (anywhere but Axels face), and he stepped back, turning towards the manor without a word. He stopped when he heard the red-head call after him.

"You're not alone. I'm here, if you want to talk," Axel's voice was strong and steady, and Roxas flinched. "Not just because I'm _staff_. I care, ki- _Roxas._ You're a human being. You don't deserve to be alone."

Roxas didn't speak, didn't even turn back to face the young man. Instead, he continued walking back to the house, confusion nibbling at his insides, and tears streaming down his face.

oOOo

That night Roxas dreamt about Sora's tropical island. Of white sandy beaches, stretching as far as the eye could see. Of his brothers, and Namine, all blissfully happy, free of a world regulated by functions and networking.

And, most importantly, he dreamt of strong arms sheltering him, in a way that was painfully unfamiliar, yet wonderfully _right_.


	6. Chapter Five

**I cannot take the new DDD trailer. With Axel returning with his heart, being given a task to do and Roxas reminding him that Axel promised to bring him back. (Plus, Roxas made Axel feel like he had a heart and in an interview Noruma stated Axel/Lea is looking for someone in DDD) so I'm kinda hoping Axel and Roxas get some more scenes together . My emotions cannot handle it. I'm 19 and still flailing like the fangirl I was when I was 13 (and still am)**. **Anyway, as always I am so grateful for your comments, and I am so honoured by your dedication to my story. To me it's boring and not good at alll, but you guys seem to like it. It honestly means the world to me. Yet again, I apologise that it's fairly slow getting into the main story, but hopefully you'll like the twist I'll be bringing in once the 'main' stride of the story kicks off.**

**oOOo**

_Why did I hug him?_

Axel lay awake, the room still flooded with darkness, unable to sleep as the thoughts of his latest encounter with Roxas span around this mind. He couldn't understand what had happened, not properly anyway. One minute he's completely lost his temper, fed up of his young masters constant griping and sulking, and the next moment he was hugging him, heart breaking for the blonde in his arms.

Somewhere, hidden in the corner of his mind, Secondary Brain was screaming. '_that was a big mistake! You totally crossed the line, there! You could lose your job!'_. However, it was silenced by Primary Brain, which was giving Axel much grief.

_Why __**did**__ you hug him? More importantly, why did you never want to let him go? Why did you want to hold him and protect him from the world that was obviously causing him so much distress? You're just staff. He's just an employer. Why did he evoke such a strong reaction?_

_Why, why, why._

Axel was sure that he could ask himself that very question till the end of time, and he wouldn't get an answer. With a groan, he rolled over, tumbling out of the bed. It was only 4 am, but he tugged on a pair of jeans, only a little dirty, and a black t-shirt. Heading for the door, he left the warmth of the staff house, and headed out into the courtyard to clear his head.

oOOo

It was at night when Cloud missed Zack the most, because between the dreams, it was the only time when he wasn't distracted by the rituals his parent's forced him through, and had too much time to _think_.

It was difficult for Cloud to wrap his mind around, sometimes. It was just impossible to believe that Zack had been dead for nearly two years. Cloud could still smell him sometimes, he was sure. He'd be walking, studying, networking then all of a sudden he'd sense it in the air. Warm, slightly spicey, the gentlest hint of leather, and the rest of it indescribable, but pure Zack. Cloud would look at the few photo's he had of Zack; photo's of when Cloud was just eighteen years old, his nineteen year old sweetheart wrapping a muscluar arm around him, smiling cheesily as they both faced the camera. The next photo, where Zack had shifted and placed his lips tenderly against Cloud's temple, eyes closed, and a thin strip of pink across both boys cheeks. To Cloud, it was almost like the photo was taken yesterday. It was the last day Cloud had ever seen Zack. Two months before Zack died. The day before Zack had flown out on duty.

_Would you say I became a hero?_

It was Zack's one real ambition, and late at night, on those rare, wonderful occasions when Cloud had snuck out, and they would lie in bed for hours, not even having sex, just staring at each other, Zack would ask him that very question. Zack had wanted nothing more than to help the people around him; make the world a better place. And Zack had made no secret about the fact that rescuing Cloud fell under the 'hero' status. Zack never believed he'd actually reached his goal though. He'd always told Cloud that there were still people out there who needed his protection, needed him to fight for them. That as long as they were vunerable - as long as Cloud was trapped in his miserable lifestyle, Zack would never become a hero.

Yet, here Cloud was. Lonely, still trapped, and Zack was dead.

And it absoloutely broke Cloud's heart that Zack would never consider himself a 'hero', even if everyone else did, because Cloud knew, should there be an afterlife of sorts, Zack would be watching. And he'd know how miserable Cloud was, and consider himself a faluire.

oOOo

It was 4:09am, according to Roxas' (overpriced) wrist-watch, and yet again, he found himself unable to sleep. He'd woken up, having dreamed of freedom and happiness, and -with a shudder- Axel. Two conflicting emotions were struggling with one another in Roxas' mind: he couldn't decided whether he outright _hated _Axel, or whether he actually _really_ cared about him.

He wasn't sure how it happened, the previous day was still a blur to Roxas. One moment he'd been screaming, and the next moment he was warm and safe and _happy_ in Axel's arms. It was all too much for Roxas, if he was honest. He'd lived the first eighteen years unable to feel any emotion towards anyone other than his brothers. Well, that wasn't strictly true, but he had learnt from an early age that he could only love Cloud and Sora, and that everyone else would hurt him. Yet, here was Axel, who he knew for little more than a week, and was causing so much emotional turmoil.

Distracting him from his thoughts, Chocobo warked quietly outside out his widow, and Roxas tugged on a pair of (designer) sweatpants, with a matching hoody. Opening the window, he began to shimmy down the side of the house. Roxas knew exactly where each brick, ledge and drain pipe was; he'd taken to sneaking in and out of his bedroom window to check up on Chocobo whenever he thought the lame little bird might need him.

The bird greeted him eagerly, pressing his face lovingly against Roxas' tummy. "Hey, you," Roxas ruffled its feathers gently, a small smile kissing his lips when Chocobo nuzzled him further. When the bird lifted its head and started warking again, turning slightly in one direction, Roxas frowned. "What's up, Chocobo?"

The bird took off, hobbling in the direction of the back courtyard. Roxas followed it apprehensively, eyes squinting into the darkness, trying to find whatever was sparking the chocobo's interest. He let out a small gasp of shock when he caught the gleam of red-hair in the fading moonlight. Axel was sat on a small stone wall, elbows on knee's and hands on head. He made to head back to the house, but this time Chocobo warked loudly, bounding towards the red-head and getting his attention.

Axel completely ignored the bird, even when it barrelled into him, instead his eyes watching Roxas carefully. The gaze felt uncomfortable and heavy, and it wasn't the cold that made Roxas shiver.

"Roxas?" It was strange, hearing Axel actually address him by his name, not 'kid', and Roxas froze at the sound. "Are you okay? You should go in. You'll get sick."

"Did you mean it?" Roxas blurted, taking a few tentative steps forward. "When you said you cared. Did you really mean it?"

"Yes," there was a tinge of confusion in the red-heads voice. "But Roxas, I don't under-"

"I am surrounded by nameless, faceless people who don't care, Axel." Roxas interupted. "Excluding Riku, I cannot tell you the name of any other member of staff. Infact, had Sora not taken a shine to Riku, I probably wouldn't even know his name, either. Then _you c_ame along. And I knew there was something strange about you. You look so out of place compared to everyone else here. How you look, how you act. And something about you got me so riled up, and I had no idea what it was. But I think I know now. I've been so used to pretending I'm something I'm not, for people who pretend to care, that when you came along - real and completely yourself, it through me off balance. People tell me all the time that they care, when I know they don't, and I always accept it and act along. I forgot what it was like to be with a real person, and it threw me off. I didn't know what it was, or how to handle it, so it made me angry. So I really, really need to know; did you mean it?"

"Oh, Roxas," Axel's eyes suddenly looked very sad. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I mean it, okay? I know you barely know me, but I care. I'm here for you, okay? I'll be a damn good friend - God knows you deserve one. I know it will be an unconventional friendship, given your ...social status compared to mine. I know I'll never fully understand it, but I'll be here. If you need a friend, I'll be here."

Roxas nodded, a lump suddenly formed in his throat and his eyes stinging. He felt uncomfortable and awkward, and very, very aprehensive. He didn't want to believe that Axel was being sincere. It seemed too... perfect, for lack of better word. All his life he'd wanted someone to see him for who he really was, and actuall genuinly care. Roxas could see it all crashing around him.

"Thank you."

Axel wrapped an arm around Chocobo, who was still nudging him affectionately. "Don't thank me," his eyes softened in concern when Roxas began shivvering. "Go home, Roxas. You'll catch your death of cold."

Roxas nodded awkwardly, turning back towards the house stiffly, when he heard Axel call out softly. "I'll make sure to call you 'Sir' or 'Master' in public. I know I've hardly been proffesional with you. Riku reprimanded me about that. But I'll make sure to treat you like any other member of staff treats you - in public. But, in private, we can still be friends. If you'd like?"

"Yeah, I would like that," Roxas lowered his gaze, feeling childish and embarressed, before he continued. "Axel, why do you even want to be my friend? I mean, you're this twenty-one world wise guy, and I'm an eighteen year old spoilt _kid. _Plus, I'm pretty sure that yesterday you seemed to hate me."

"I didn't hate you. I just disliked your pissy attitude," Axel admitted, laughing slightly. "But I don't care how old you are, or how rich, or spoilt you might be. You interest me, kid. Have done since the moment you walked into that living room, looking like you were tired of the world. When Riku was describing you all before you all walked in... I knew what happened to Cloud, so I was expecting something lonely from him. And Riku had said that Sora was oblivious to the world, mostly, and was one of the sweetest people I could hope to meet, even if circumstance could get him down occasionallty But he didn't really mention you, so I didn't know what to expect, really. But it wasn't you. On the outside you were so groomed. But inside you looked so fed up, so sad, angry at the world and yourself. Even then, back when I just thought 'poor little rich boy', you interested me Roxas.

"So I'm not your friend out of pity," Axel offered the blonde a warm smile, when Roxas finally turned to face him completelty. "I'm your friend because you fuck with my head just a little, and that doesn't happen much."

With a final 'thank you', Roxas headed back to the house, shivering slightly but with a smile on his lips.

oOOo

"Master Roxas?" Roxas groaned at the sound of the servants voice, peeling back his eyes, to see that the sunlight streaming through his window was already strong and bright. It had been about 5am by the time Roxas had gotten back to bed, and he'd drifted off into peaceful, undisturbed sleep. He'd even missed his early morning ritual, and now, at the sound of some servant calling his name though the thick oak door, Roxas just wanted to never leave his bed.

"Master Roxas," the maid called again, and Roxas wondered whether 'piss off' could be considered an innappropriate response. "Your mother told me to wake you, and inform you that Miss Kairi Kinneas has arrived to entertain Sora, and that your cousin Miss Namine is also due to arrive soon, and that you should be ready to greet her."

Roxas' head shot up and he blinked in surprise. It had been over six months since he had last seen jis beloved cousin, and he couldn't wait to see her. The fact that Kairi would also be coming over aswell confused Roxas somewhat, but he accpeted it without too much thought, far too excited at the prospect of seeing Namine.

"Tell her I'll be ready in a moment," Roxas called, already jumping out of bed and heading towards his en-suit. He showered as quickly as he possibly could, towel drying his hair and gelling it when it was still damp. He pulled on a pair or riding slacks and a black shirt, quickly bolting out of the room and down the stair case, taking the stairs two at a time. When he got the the bottom of the stairs, Sora was already there, chatting to the pretty red haired girl, and Roxas nodded a hello at her.

It was, however, when he saw a sleek black car pull up, and a pretty young blonde in a white and blue sundress step out, that Roxas pushed his way out of the front doors, running towards his cousin and capturing her in a big hug.

"Nami," Roxas squeezed her tighter, and relished in her tinkering laugh.

"Hey, Rox."

"I've missed you so much," Roxas sighed, finnaly setting her down and pushing her at arms length to look at her. She seemed a lot more adult than the last time he saw her. Having just turned seventeen, the babyish shape of her face had left, and she was begining to look like a young woman. It made Roxas smile, and he tugged her back into another hug.

"I've missed you too, Rox," the young girls voice was beautiful and cheerful, and as it was always the case when he was with her, all of Roxas' worries fluttered away.

"Namine!"

They were interupted when a brunette blur barrelled into them, arms wrapping around the pair. "You're here! What's the occassion?"

"Hey, Sora," Namine's voice was giggly, and Roxas was still struggling to take the smile off of his face. "My parent's had an event in Radiant Garden, and I thought I'd use the oppertunity to visit my favourite cousins...speaking of which, where's Cloudster?"

Roxas went to open his mouth to speak, but was interupted by Sora. "He's having a bad day, today. I went to wake him up this morning and found him on his bed with photo's of Zack, really emotional. I'd leave him be, for a while."

Roxas' heart clenched painfully, and he reached out, squeezing Sora's fingers for comfort. It was at Kairi's appearence in the doorway, that the conversation shifted again.

"Namine, this is Kairi," Sora smiled. Roxas noticed the movement was somewhat forced, and saw how his twin winced a little when the red-head latched herself onto his arm. All the same, he smiled down at her effectionately.

"Why don't we all spend the day around the stables and in the courtyard?" Sora's voice was cheerful, and excitable, and Roxas loved how drastically Namine's arrival had brightened the mood. "It's such a lovely day, it would be a shame to waste it."

"Sure," Kairi spoke up for the first time, causing Roxas to narrow his eyes ever-so-slightly. He didn't trust her, really. He knew that she, much like his own 'friends', was probably spending time with Sora under her parents command, for affiliation with the Strifes, but there was nothing Roxas could do to change the fact that she was here.

So, draping an arm over Namine, Roxas nodded. "Yeah, sounds like a plan."

oOOo

It was a warm day, the sun was bright, and peaceful. At Sora's suggestion the four teens found themselves in the courtyard. Sora was leading Kairi , who was riding the brunettes horse Eowyn, around a small area, whilst Roxas and Namine had settled on a sandy enbankment. It had been slightly awkward, at first, having bumped into Riku and Axel as they worked. Emerald eyes had lingered on Roxas' face for just a moment, before the Axel had dutifully kept his promise made in the early morning, asking politely if there was anything he could 'assist the young master in?'

From their spot, Roxas could see both stable hands, as well as his twin and Kairi. It was odd, Roxas noted, of Riku to keep shooting long, lingering looks at the brunette twin; gazing at Sora with an expression that Roxas was too far away to place. Sora seemed not to notice, too busy fufilly his role as the dutiful host. Occassionally, Roxas would permit himself to watch Axel, and a small grin would steal over his features. It felt odd, knowing the young man he was pretty sure he loathed the day before, was now his friend - even if their social status meant it couldn't be public knowledge.

"So," Namine's voice sounded slightly drunk in the warmth, and the petite blonde propped herself up on her elbows, distracting Roxas' chain of thought, and drawing his gaze away from where Axel was currently doing the shoes of one of the show-horses. "Tell me about him. That new stable boy."

"Huh?" Roxas blinked rapidly, face turning to meet hers. Her azure eyes were soft but inquisitive, and Roxas felt an unfamiliar sense of nervousness in his gut. "Who, Axel? He's just staff."

"Well, that's odd that he's 'just staff.' Considering you've been staring at him for nearly an hour."

Roxas swallowed, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, and unable to look away from Namine's intense stare.


	7. Chapter Six

**As always, thank you for the reviews. Please check my profile to see any/all updates on fanfictions.**

oOOo

"Namine..." Roxas trailed off, fidgeting under his cousin's gaze. He felt horribly uncomfortable, and he hadn't been aware that he'd been looking at Axel quite so intently - or frequently. It had just been a natural reaction, really. Roxas had felt so overwhelmed by the fact that Axel had actually said he _cared _about him, that he couldn't help but look at his new _friend. _At the same time, the thought that Namine had picked up on his newfound attachment to Axel unnerved Roxas. Axel still confused Roxas, horribly, in fact. It had been little more than a week since Axel was even hired, and the few interactions they'd had were stormy. But then Roxas had ended up spilling his heart, and Axel did seem to care. There was something else, something that drew Roxas to Axel, and he couldn't describe it.

The inner anguish at being put on the spot must have been obvious on Roxas' face, because Namine suddenly laughed gently, reaching out and patting his cheek. "Oh, Roxas. Don't look so frightened." Her smile was reassuring, and her gaze fell to Axel, who had just begun to groom a black mare. "All I'm trying to say is that you treat him different from other staff. It's really subtle, and hidden beneath all those layers you like to hide behind, but nonetheless it's there, you know? With all the other help, it's just hollow. An act. You put on the show of being polite because that's what's expected of you. Your eyes are usually just so empty. But when you look at him, there's a little glimmer there. It almost looks like hope."

Relaxing a little, Roxas nodded slowly. "He said he'd be my friend, Nam," Roxas chuckled quietly at the realization of how childish that sounded. "I really hated him at first, you know. He was so different to everyone else. He actually treated me like I was a human being, and not some pampered prince. And you know what? The culture shock made me really angry at him. Then yesterday I flew off the handle and just ended up telling him everything about how lo-"

Roxas cut off. In all honesty, he never told Namine the extent of his loneliness. She would worry far too much, and he couldn't bear the thought of her being so upset over him. He hated it, himself. He knew he had it all at his finger tips - wealth, good-looks, a private education - yet there were people out there with nothing. Living day to day, wondering when - _if _- they'd get their next meal. He couldn't worry Namine over something so _trivial._

"I just told him how fed up this like can make me sometimes. And he actually listened, and told me that if I needed a friend, that's what he'll be. I think it might be nice, having a friend."

"Yeah," Namine's tone was comforting, but it held a certain knowing quality, as if she knew something Roxas didn't. "I'm glad you'll have someone other than Sora and Cloud to talk to. Just be careful, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing much," Namine tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, shuffling closer and propping her head on his shoulder. "I just worry about you, that's all. I know how people have hurt you in the past. Friends, nannies, your parents. I know it's made you cynical and distant. I just want you to make sure that you don't invest too much in a friendship with him, if you think he's going to turn out like the others. Not that I think he seems that way."

"Thanks, Namine," Roxas wrapped an arm around the young girl. "I love you."

"You too, Rox. You too."

oOOo

The rest of the day passed with little change. Roxas and Namine lounged casually, conversation shifting from Axel, to how Cloud was coping, to Sora's apparent arranged friendship with Namine. It was incredibly easy talking to Namine, and Roxas found himself wishing that she could be here always.

For the afternoon it was like Roxas was no longer part of the cold, plastic world he always inhabited. He could just be himself, and although the shadow of his bitterness and misery still lingered in the back of his mind, being in his cousins company made him feel freer than he'd felt in a long time.

Kairi had left early in the afternoon, her older brother Irvine (complete with cowboy hat, just as Cloud had predicted) turning up in a very, very expensive (if not a little tacky) vintage mustang, talking briefly talking to Roxas' father about _something_, before insisting his sister return home with him.

Sora had waved her goodbye, grin sincere, but he looked more than a little relieved when he settled himself down next to Namine and Roxas.

"I thought she would never leave!" The sound of exhaustion in his voice was comical, and Namine chuckled.

"You two seemed to be getting on so nicely!"

"That's the problem!" Sora whined flopping backwards onto the grass. "I like Kairi, I really do. She's fun to be around, and she has this amazing, vibrant imagination. It's just, she's so...princess-y! She wants me to play these silly games, like I'm her hero, or something! I mean, we're eighteen, it's so _childish_!"

At this, Roxas laughed out loud, prodding his twin in the ribs. "Talk about hypocrisy! Need I remind you that yesterday you locked yourself in a bathroom, only emerging when you thought that Cloud was going to destroy your stuffed _moogle_."

"That's different!" Sora protested, jabbing back at Roxas. "I've had Mog since I was a little kid. I can't throw him out now! Remember, we got him that time Mother and Father took us to Midgar to close that business deal! We we're about five and Cloud was seven, and they took us to that really expensive place where they hand craft all the toys, and they cost a small _fortune_. Cloud picked that big red lion-thing; didn't he call it, Nanaki Red or something? I picked my moogle, obviously. And you picked some weird, cat thing, didn't you? What did you call it? Cat? Cit?"

"Cait," Roxas mumbled, burying his face in his arms. "Cait Sith. But I haven't seen it in years, Sora. Mother and Father probably threw it out, or gave it to someone from housekeeping for one of their kids. I mean, it cost like five hundred dollars. But just because I _used_ to have a stuffed cat, doesn't mean I'm still childish. It's not like I keep him under my pillow and cuddle him. Every night."

Riku had apparently chosen that moment to walk buy, a large stack of hay on one shoulder. There was a slight smirk on the silver haired boys lips as he passed, as if he was trying not to laugh, and Sora buried his head in mortification.

"Roxas!"

Namine's delighted laughter didn't seem to help matters, but even Sora couldn't help the slight tugging of his lips at just how happy she was.

"Oi, you," Sora nudged her with an elbow playfully. "I'd expect it off of Roxas, but you! You shouldn't get quite so much enjoyment out of my mortification!"

"Sorry, Sora," Namine's grin was huge, and Roxas couldn't help but feel content at her happiness. "But your face when that stable-boy walked by? Priceless!"

"Hey! I don't want Riku thinking I'm a big baby at eighteen! Imagine if that got around? It'd be so embarrassing!"

"More embarrassing than the fact that you actually_ do _sleep with a stuffed moogle that you got when you were _five_?"

"Namine!"

"Sorry, I'll quit," Namine's giggles eventually died. "I've missed you two. I've missed you two being happy."

Neither Roxas nor Sora said anything, simply exchanging a small glance at one another and smiling.

oOOo

"I think I'm friends with Roxas."

Axel was sat in his favourite bar with two of his long time companions. He'd known both Zexion and Demyx for years, and along with Riku, their friendship was one of the fundamental reasons Axel had decided to stay in Radiant Garden.

Zexion frowned, whirling his brandy around in the glass, before downing the drink in one. "The same Roxas who's the bosses son? The bratty one?"

"Well, yeah," Axel scratched the back of his head nervously.

Undeterred by Axel's discomfort, Zexion continued. "The very same Roxas with the 'bratty' attitude you've been complaining about? Do tell us, Axel, how you've advanced from that to friendship."

"Well you see," Axel took a quick sip of his beer. "The kid threw this raging tantrum, and so I called him up on his complete bullshit. He ended up spilling his guts right there, and honestly guys, his life stories really sad. He is constantly surrounded by people who don't give a damn about him. Even his own parents only use him as a pawn in their money making schemes. Sure, my dad left, but at least Mom genuinely loved me. His mom and dad don't. Or, at least, they don't act like they don't. He's just a tool in their empire as far as they're concerned. No wonder Roxas is a walking ball of bitterness and rage. I can't imagine waking up everyday knowing that you literally have no-one. Living each day pretending to be someone you're not for the sake of others, just so they can pretend to like you. He's pretty miserable. And when you strip down all that piss poor attitude and angsty wall, he's actually a nice guy."

Demyx nodded slightly, leaning forwards in his chair a little. "Sounds like he just acts like he does to protect himself from getting hurt."

"That's what I thought!" Axel took another drink of his beer, happy that at least one of his friends agreed with him. "So we had this chat, and we agreed to be friends. I like the kid, when he's not being stroppy. There's something interesting about him that I can't quite place.

"But didn't he threaten to fire you? At least that's what Riku said on the phone."

"Yeah," Axel grimaced at the memory. "I was laughing at the fact that this horse pissed on Riku, and Roxas thought I was laughing at him. Poor kids so paranoid about trusting people that it's eating him up. Like I said though, we've cleared the air now. And he genuinely is a pretty nice guy when all is said and done."

"Oh, Zexy," Demyx said, patting Zexion's arm. "If Axel likes him we just need to accept that information and move on, okay?"

"Alright," the slate-haired man paused to motion to the bar-tender for another drink. "Just be careful, alright? Don't get too close. It's an artificial world. Roxas might be using you like a puppet for his own amusement. For now he may seem genuine, but his seemingly forbidden friendship with you might just be his way of acting out, and attempting to rid himself of the boundaries placed upon him by his overbearing society."

"You and Riku went to the same school of Bullshit and Buzz killing then, I see."

"Urch, me and Riku being compared? Shoot me now!" Nonetheless, there was a small grin on Zexion's face.

"Zexion, darling, play nice. Or I'm cutting you off." Apparently horrified by Demyx's wicked interjection, the dark haired man turned back to face Axel.

"Your almost romanticised rose tinted view of Roxas is seriously jeopardizing my sex life, Axel."

"Oh really, Zexion?" Axel grinned. "And here was me thinking that the root of all your problems was your insane habit of psychoanalyzing everything."

"It's not an insane habit," Zexion huffed. "It's a perfectly legitimate way of uncovering who's sane, and who isn't. Therefore I can make my judgement as to whether I require their presence in my life."

Tilting his head thoughtfully, Demyx paused. "And yet," the blonde mused. "You're dating me, and you're friends with Axel? I think your psycho-dar is off, my dear."

Unable to say anything to defend himself, Zexion simply shoved Demyx lightly, and glared half-heartedly at his grinning, red-headed friend.

oOOo

"Roxas."

_Tap, tap, tap_.

"Roxas!"

_Tap, tap._

Roxas yawned, wiping at tired eyes kittenishly, and blinking. He was pretty sure he could hear someone calling his name, but when he looked over at his bed-side clock, it only said 2am.

_Tap, tap_.

"Roxas!"

Frowning, Roxas got out of bed. He was sure the tapping was coming from his window, so he padded over, just in low slung pyjama bottoms. When he reached the window, he heard the tapping again - caused by a small stone hitting his window, and saw the source of the name calling was a familiar red-head. Roxas opened the window, leaning out and squinting.

"Axel?" Suddenly hyper aware of what he was wearing, or rather how little he was wearing, Roxas folded his arms across his chest self-consciously.

"Sorry for waking you," Axel shifted sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I just figured that we could talk. You know, get this whole friendship thing going. And I knew you were busy with the you Miss today, and so... Yeah, sorry for waking you, it was dumb. I'll just go back."

"No," Roxas sighed, shaking his head. "Just give me five minutes. Wait there."

Roxas went to his closet, pulling out a cream sweater and tugging it on. Deciding that the sweatpants he slept in were better than khaki's or slacks, Roxas grabbed a pair of shoes and headed back to the window. He heard a gasp of surprise from Axel as he swung one leg out of the window, beginning to make his way down.

When eventually reached the floor, Axel let out a thin whistle. "Wow, not bad for a sheltered rich kid."

"Shut up," Roxas grumbled, grinning despite himself. "So, now what?"

"I don't know," Axel confessed, jamming his hands into his pockets. "I didn't really think that far ahead."

"We can go to the stables and talk, if you like. They're headed, there's straw and hay to sit on and you obviously like horses."

"Alright."

They walked to the stables in silence, Axel pulling out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocking the door, holding it open for Roxas. Inside several of the horses whinnied softly, and the blonde settled himself on a stack of hay.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," Axel smirked, sitting beside him. "Slumming it with the stable boy, who'da thunk it?"

"Oi," Roxas kicked a small pile of hay at the red-head and Axel laughed. "So, what's with the 2am visit?"

"Don't know," Axel shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. And I guessed that... pursuing our friendship during the day probably wouldn't work, would it? So, anything you want to talk about?"

Roxas bit his lip. He found himself a little uncomfortable at the prospect of pouring more of his heart out to Axel. The first time had been unintentional, and he wasn't sure what, or how to, say next. "I don't know..."

"You close with your cousin?" Axel tried, tilting his head to the side in what Roxas thought was genuine interest. "Every time I saw you today it was like you thought her smile was the greatest thing in this whole damn world."

"I like it when she's happy," Roxas' hands curled into his pants, and he frowned. "It's horrible when she has to leave. Like today, for example. The moment that her chauffeur pulled up, I knew that I probably wouldn't see her again for months. This world can be lonely, if you don't think the way the rest do. Namine's too sweet for the bitter world of money and business. Sora, Cloud, Roxas and I don't really agree with it either, you know? Sora's a little bit more oblivious, and for obvious reasons, Cloud's excluded himself from it, but no matter how bad it's got, we've always sort of had each other. Three brothers. But Namine... she doesn't have that. She's an only child, and she's only got that support when she's with us. So... I like that I can make her happy. When she's smiling... it makes me smile too. When she has to leave, I feel bad. Because if _I _feel lonely, when I have Sora and Cloud, imagine how bad she has it." Roxas sniffed, and kicked at the floor. "Sorry, I shouldn't keep complaining, should I? I won't talk about it anymore. I don't really want to, if I'm honest. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, no need to apologise," Axel's grin was warm, and he reached into his pocket, talking out a half-empty packet of cigarettes. "You mind?" When Roxas shook his head, Axel took one and placed it in the corner of his lips, lighting it. "I figured you wouldn't want to talk, so I guess I should tell you more about myself. You kind of told me something personal, yesterday, and other than the fact that I'm a cocky bastard, you don't really know much about me.

"So, Roxas, here's something about me. I was born in a small town called Oblivion twenty-one years ago. It was an okay childhood, I guess. Money was always tight, but I'd try to make it work, you know? My mom raised me on her own, so I knew to never ask for much. My dad left her when I was a kid, so she was the sole provider. It was hard on her. She'd drink a lot, when she got home from work, and would cry. I don't blame her, really. Anyway, when I was about fourteen a friend of mine took me to this ranch his uncle owned, just outside of Atlantica, and straight away I had this way with horses. I mean, I had never been around one before in my life, but this one colt was absolutely playing up, and I calmed him straight away. So his uncle let me come up to the ranch and help out, and I started working on this apprenticeship for equine care. It meant I was out of the house a lot. I think my mom got pretty lonely, but at the time I was so obsessed with helping her pay the bills and stuff, that I never really paid attention to it. Just carried on working. and heading towards finishing my apprenticeship. I qualified just before my mom died when I was sixteen. I came home one day and found her. She just couldn't take it anymore, and downed a bottle of Jack and as many pills as she could get her hands on."

Roxas swallowed, glancing down at his feet. Suddenly Axel's previous words were echoing in his head. '_Poor little rich kid, you don't know what real problems are_!' Shame boiled through Roxas because he realised that it was the truth. Compared to Axel losing a parent, Roxas' loneliness and hatred of the world around him was nothing, and it was no surprise why the red-head had been so angry. Roxas' heart was squeezing, so painfully, and he wanted desperately to make everything okay for the red head, to take away all the bad things that had happened in his life. "Axel, I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," Axel paused to take a long, steady drag, eyes narrowed wistfully. "I was angry at first. Angry at her for leaving, angry at myself for not being there to stop her. Anyway, I sort of travelled for a while. Ended up in Nibelheim, where my cousin, Reno, had been staying. Lived with him for a while, getting jobs whenever I could find them. I was about nineteen when I met Riku. We were both working at the same stables in Traverse Town, he was a little younger than me, but had so many connections. Guess that's what landed him a job here, right? So about two years ago he packs up and leaves for Radiant Garden. We stayed in contact but I went to Bhujerba for a while. I guess I didn't like staying in one place, because it made me think of my mom. If I stayed in one place too long, I settled down and started to think. If I kept working, kept moving, I was too busy to think. I couldn't stop blaming myself for what happened. Realistically, Mom probably never got over my dad leaving. But I was a sixteen year old kid, you know? It's hard to think straight when you're sixteen and your alchoholic mom kills herself. Anyway, I eventually realised I couldn't just keep running away, and when Riku rang me telling me there might be a job opportunity here, I kinda saw it as a fresh start. It was a good job, and had living quarters for the staff, so I wouldn't have to move. I thought I had it made. I wasn't expecting this rich little blonde kid to be on my ass, bitchin' at me from the moment I arrived."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Roxas chewed his lips, but Axel shrugged, blowing out a smoke ring.

"It's alright. One week in and I made a friend. Well, a new friend. Very different from my other friends here. You're bitching let me know you weren't some emotionless little clone. Besides, you have your own shit, too."

"Yeah, but it's so... trivial and unimportant, "Roxas swallowed back the lump in his throat, lifting his eyes to meet Axel's gaze."I really do feel like a whiney brat, now."

"Don't sweat it. My mom always said that if something upsets you, it's important. It doesn't matter if someone always has it worse than you, 'cause someone's always going to have it better than you, too. If you're unhappy, the problem is equally as important."

"Axel, why are you so understanding? Why are you trusting me with this?"

Axel shrugged, pinching his cigarette's between his fingers and dabbing it out. "Because we're friends," he said simply, throwing an arm around Roxas' shoulder. "And friends are honest with one another, they care. I'm being honest, 'cause I know you'll care."

Roxas said nothing, instead leaning towards Axel and his warmth and closed his eyes.

_Yeah, I care. I really, really do._


	8. Chapter Seven

**Believe it or not, I actually write most of my fanfiction on my blackberry (which has no spell or grammar check ;_;), so it's horribly un-beta'd and so any constructive criticism will be welcomed. Once again, I thank you all so much for your lovely reviews.**

oOOo

And so, a new routine developed for Roxas.

Every day he would continue with his usual life - attending meetings with his tutors, socializing, or acting like the perfect, dutiful son of aristocracy. Then, after all of his duties, functions and balls had finished, Roxas would wait for Axel to come along, toss a few stones at his window and Roxas would climb down to join him. Then they'd spend hours talking, anything from mocking the society Roxas was forced to live in, to the places Axel had travelled to, even the bars the red-head visited between work and meeting with Roxas.

Roxas began abandoning his cherished moments in the morning, in favour of spending time with Axel at night. The more their friendship blossomed, the more Roxas felt that their late night conversations, however simple they may be, were what kept him going through the day.

Four weeks passed in seemingly no time at all, and Roxas was struggling to remember a time when he hadn't known Axel. Roxas hadn't mentioned his new found friendship to either of his brothers, and he was finding it particularly difficult to keep it from his twin. Cloud's preoccupation with the revelation of just how close to happiness he'd been before Zack's death, it was easy for Roxas to conceal his friendship with Axel, however, keeping it from Sora was an entirely different matter, and his twin seemed to know something was different, even if he couldn't place it. Roxas did, however, confide in Namine. He'd rang her the day after Axel's confession about his past, confessing how heart-wrenching the young man's story had been. It had kept playing over and over in Roxas' mind, worrying him that the red-head was more fragile than he let on.

"Roxas," Namine had sighed down the phone, exasperation clear in her lovely voice. "He trusted you enough to _tell_ you, I'm sure if he still felt troubled, he'd trust you enough to talk about that too."

So, Roxas had tried to move past it, and eventually found himself relaxing more and more in Axel's company, until what had felt nice, if not a little awkward, actually began to feel_ right_. Roxas enjoyed the warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach that accompanied his nightly visits with Axel. He assumed that this was him finally experiencing true, sincere friendship. And, if Roxas was honest, he loved it.

oOOo

"And so, one can interpret Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, specifically the prologue and tale of The Wife of Bath, as a satirical view on the world around him, in Medieval England. Chaucer had used other characters to openly express his opinions on society, the role of women and the influence of the church, using a very tongue-in-cheek manner, to get away with opinions normally too controversial to voice."

Roxas' fingers tightened impatiently around his pen, and beside him, Sora tried to disguise a yawn. Their tutor had been there hours, and it was one of those days when being trapped in their mansion seemed like hell. The sun was warm and bright, and Roxas wished more than anything that he could attend a normal school - when he could lounge on the grass with friends between lessons, enjoying the early summer's day. Cloud, obviously feeling sympathetic towards his brothers, had opted to join them in the study, tucking himself in the corner and settling down with a book. He'd look up, occasionally, the barest hint of a smile on his lips whenever he heard his younger brother's sighs and grumbles.

Roxas' eyes drifted towards the window longingly, wishing he could just go outside, when his breath hitched. Axel was in the small training paddock, just about in view of the window, actually_ riding _Strider. In the last four weeks, the blonde's horse had made little to no progress, still snapping angrily when Roxas made an attempt to ride him. Roxas had taken to riding Sora's horse, Eowyn, or Cloud's horse, Nazgul, if he needed to, doing anything to avoid the highly spirited animal. Yet, there was Axel, riding Strider, and totally in control. From the red-head's short sleeved tee, Roxas could see the tensing of muscles every time the horse fought against him, and yet Axel never seemed to lose control. Roxas watched Axel in awe; his bright red hair looking almost like _fire_ in the sunlight, pale skin absolutely glowing. He looked, for lack of a better word, _beautiful_.

"Roxas, I am being paid to educate you, not to allow you to waste my time with daydreaming."

His tutor was standing in front of him, and Roxas scowled. He knew that his tutors words were all for show - the money grabbing bastard wouldn't care if Roxas dressed in drag and did a strip tease on the table, as long as the Strife parents paid him the ridiculous amount of money they did, the tutor would be more than happy.

He knew that just as much as the tutor was acting, Roxas was too, so with a sigh, he rubbed at his temple, adopting his role. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry."

"Very well," the tutor turned his attention back to the book, babbling on whilst the twins occasionally took notes. Glancing back at the window one last time, Roxas decided that this would indeed, be a very long day.

oOOo

There was a slight tap on the door, and a little blonde haired maid stepped in sheepishly.

"Master Cloud?"

Sora and Roxas exchanged quizzical looks, Cloud glanced up. Since Cloud's 'indiscretion' with Zack, his parent's had found no reason to disturb Cloud, and they, along with the servants, generally left him alone. Except for the obligatory functions and balls, where the Strife family had to keep up appearances', and so Clouds attendance was necessary. So, it was odd that there was a maid calling for Cloud now.

"Yes?" The oldest sibling mumbled, curiosity evident in his voice.

"There's someone here to see you, sir. Shall I send him away?"

_Him? _Cloud's curiosity was peaked, and he rose to his feet. 'No, thank-you. I'll be there in a moment."

Cloud rose to his feet, returning Roxas and Sora's confused looks with a simple shrug, and headed out to the hallway, closing the door behind him. In front of a marble staircase a tall brown-haired man lingered, dressed in a black (designer) jeans and a black jacket, hands in pockets.

"Squall?"

"I told you I'd see you around, Cloud," The man grinned, turning to face the blonde and extending a hand. When Cloud shook it, Squall clapped the other hand on Cloud's shoulder. The blonde blinked in surprise, but before he could speak, Squall was talking again. "And call me Leon. Squall is so ... stuffy. It's what _that_ society calls me."

"Uh," Cloud swallowed, swaying slightly in confusion and scratching his head. "So... not to be rude, but why are you here?"

Leon smirked, nodding slightly. "Straight to the point, huh? Like I said at the ball, I told you I'd see you around. I knew of Zack, I know of you. Hell, I know you, sort of. I know enough about you to know that _thi_s life probably isn't something that you're fond of. So, I came 'round to offer you an invitation to join us."

"Us?" Cloud shook his head, blinking rapidly. "I don't follow. Who's 'Us'? And an invitation to what, exactly?"

"We call ourselves the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee," Leon smirked. "In other words, we're a group of rich kids who don't like the ways our parents handle business. So, as future heirs, we've got together in order to change things. For a better future. So it's not all money-grabbing, and marriages out of business interests."

"Right," Cloud was feeling a bit overwhelmed, and leant against the staircase. "And who is in this committee of yours?"

"As of right now there's Cid Highwind, Yuffie Kisaragi, Aerith Gainsborough and myself. Small, but you know what our societies like. Four heirs changing the face of aristocracy is better than one."

"Huh, no Rinoa?" Cloud shook his head, trying to assemble his thoughts. "So, uh, why me? I'm not even likely to inherit my parent's empire, since I turned down the partnership with Tifa. I won't make an impact at all..."

"Because you actually defied them for a brilliant reason," Leon reached out, placing a hand on Cloud's shoulder. "We're doing it to put an end to a money-centric society, restoring it to how we think it should be. But you, you defied them because you fell in love. It was so genuine and sincere, and such a heart-warming decision. Don't think it went unnoticed. So what if most of those upper-class bastards looked down on you and scoffed? There were those of us, even if we are a minority, who admire you unconditionally for turning your back on wealth and power, in order to follow your heart."

Cloud gnawed on his lip, eyes fixed on the floor. "I couldn't even break free though. I'm still here."

"True, but that's only because you went through something terrible, Cloud. Tell me, if Zack hadn't of died a couple of years ago, would you still be here?"

"No... No, we'd have gone off together. And... I'd have come back for my brothers, rescued them, if that's what they'd have wanted. But I wouldn't be here."

"Exactly! Look, I understand this is probably weird, and overwhelming. But just give it a thought, okay?" Leon reached into his back pocket, pulling out a scrap of paper and handing it to the blonde. "Just think about it, okay? Here's my number, so call me, if you decide to join us."

Squall turned his back, leaving a slightly stunned Cloud swaying in the hallway. "I don't want to upset you, but what would Zack do?"

Cloud watched, frozen, as Squall 'Leon' Leonhart bowed at one of the members of staff, and left.

oOOo

It seemed like an eternity until Roxas was let out of the stuffy study, and he found himself playing in the courtyard, tossing a stick back and forth to Chocobo, and absentmindedly hoping that Axel might make an appearance. Luck, seemed to be on his side, and the shadow of a familiar outline fell in front of him.

"You do realise he's a chocobo, not a dog, right?"

"Well, you're going to have to be the one to break that to him, because I'm not."

Axel shoved Roxas gently, dodging the blondes elbow when it took a swing at his side. "Showing friendly affection during the day? How risky _Master_ Strife. What would your parents say if they saw this? Their precious little boy _slumming_ it with the staff? Say it isn't so!" Axel smirked, ruffling Roxas' hair before pointing in the direction of the stable block. "If you wanna' talk, it'll have to be as we walk, 'kay?"

"Sure," Roxas whistled, and Chocobo instantly abandoned the stick and limped over to his master, warking happily.

"I might be a little late tonight," Axel said as they neared the stable, patting Chocobo gently. "I have a date."

Roxas stalled a little, and something surged through him that he had never experienced before, and couldn't name. "Oh, a date," Roxas leant on the brick wall of the stable, suddenly unable to trust his own legs. "So, uh, what's she like?"

"_He's_ okay," Axel chuckled, lip pulling up at one side at Roxas' shocked expression. "Not sure if it's going anywhere, though. But a date's a date, and it's the first one I've had since I arrived at Radiant Garden."

"So, you're gay?" Roxas wasn't so sure why this little slice of information was so interesting, or why his stomach was knotting really painfully. It was new, overwhelming and confusing - horribly so. But he guessed that he should be supportive of his friend, and at least show an interest. And as long as he kept his grip on the stable wall, he was sure he could keep upright long enough to do so.

"Nah, I don't really label myself. People are people, you know? Don't really care what gender they are, s'long as I like 'em."

"In other words, Axel's a greedy slut." A new voice, one Roxas recognised as Riku's, called from within the stable. When the silver haired boy walked out, noting who it was exactly that Axel was talking to, the smirk instantly fell from his lips, and his face paled considerably. "Oh, God. Sorry, sir. I thought Axel was talking to another member of staff. Oh god, I am so sorry, sir."

"It's okay," Roxas tried to flash Riku a sincere, comforting smile, but it was shaky. "Honestly, don't worry about it."

"Thank you, sir, but I am honestly so, so sorry. It won't happ-"

"Riku," Axel interjected, gripping the other stable boy's shoulder. "It's honestly okay. Roxas and I were talking, you joined in. Even if it _was _to insult me. You didn't do anything wrong. Just calm down, okay? You're not going to get in trouble. Right, Rox?"

"Right," Roxas' head was still spinning slightly from both the date revelation, and the confusion. He pushed even more weight against the wall, trying to make the movement seem casual.

"See," Axel relaxed his grip on Riku's shoulder, before turning back to the blonde, adopting his formal tone once again. "I really have to get on with some work now, so I apologise for not being able to continue our conversation, Master Roxas. If there's anything you need, though, please don't hesitate to ask Riku or myself."

"Okay."

Roxas waited until both Riku and Axel had left until he moved, shakily placing a light hand on Chocobo for support. He felt dizzy and overwhelmed, but most of all he felt entirely confused as to why all of a sudden, the idea of Axel on a date made him feel terribly sick.

oOOo

Spotting long, silky cobalt hair, Axel's lips twitched in a slight grin. He'd bumped into an old friend of his recently, and Saix, having been a childhood crush, upon Saix's suggestion they go out on a date, teenage Axel had simply insisted that adult Axel accept his offer. From what Axel could gather, Saix himself had changed drastically in the nearly four years since he'd seen him last, and the red-head honestly had no idea how he felt about that.

"Hello, Axel."

The red-head grinned at his date, and settled down in the seat beside him. Saix had insisted they meet in a club called The Luna Divider, and it was horribly chic, in Axel's opinion. The bar was all minimalist furniture, suited up business executives, and UV back lights. But, Saix had picked the destination, and so Axel would put up with it.

"Hey, Sai, how are things?"

"Great, and yourself?" When a waiter turned up and dropped two slim glasses of what appeared to be gin and tonic off at their table. "I already got us drinks.

"Uh, thanks," Axel took his glass, sipping at the drink out of respect, but wishing it was a beer instead. They chatted idly for a while, mostly about the weather or some sort of equally small chit-chat. It seems strangely uneasy, and Axel couldn't help but compare the difficulty in keeping the conversation between himself and Saix going, in comparison to the ease in which he and Roxas talked.

"So," Axel asked. "Still working at XemCorp?"

"Yes," Saix said, twirling his glass in his hands. "Xemnas opened a deal a few weeks ago that earned us a good sum of money. Sure, the company we broke apart created a lot of lost jobs, but we made a lot from it, so it was more than worth it."

Axel frowned, brows knitting together. "Doesn't that seem a little...heartless, to you?"

"Not really," Saix shrugged. "Business is business. As long as we're making money, the how's and why's aren't that essential."

The difference in attitude between Roxas and Saix was remarkable, and though Axel had no idea why he was making the comparison, it was painfully obvious. Whilst Roxas clearly hated his money grabbing world, and his thinly veiled disgust made it evident that he was itching to leave it behind, Saix seemed happy to immerse himself in it, for the sake of financial gain. They were two broad ends of the spectrum; Roxas, the kid trapped in that world and desperate to be rid of it, and Saix, a guy who was willing to destroy the lives of others, all for the sake of becoming richer. The sheer enormity of this difference did something funny to Axel's insides, and he suddenly felt sick. He wanted nothing more than to go home and be refreshed with Roxas' real, though sometimes bratty, company, and Saix's presence had somehow become suffocating.

"Look, Saix, I hate to do this," Axel began, rising to his feet and looking around sheepishly. "I know it's only 11:00, but I just remembered I have to be up for work early in the morning, you know how it is. Can we reschedule, please?"

Nodding, Saix rose to his feet. "Of course, I understand work commitments. Another time. You have my number. Don't be a stranger, Axel."

"I won't," Axel forced a smile. After all, it was Saix who was practically the stranger.

With one last sad, lingering glance at Saix, Axel left, eager to rid himself of his ill feeling.

oOOo

11:30pm.

Axel would be on his date right about now, Roxas guessed. The blonde tried to imagine what kind of person Axel might actually date. Would they be tall or short? (Shorter than Axel, Roxas guessed, considering just how _lanky_ the man was, it would be difficult to find anyone_ taller._) Would they have the same fiery, playful energy that Axel had, or would they be the opposite - calm and composed? Long hair? Short hair? Would they kiss on the first date? Would they do _more_ on the first date? Oh god, Roxas hoped not, even if he wasn't sure of the reason.

11:34pm.

Accepting the fact that he probably wasn't going to find much to occupy his mind before Axel's eventually return, Roxas sighed and reached for his phone. She picked up after just two rings.

"Roxas?" Namine's voice, although sleepy, was tinged with unmistakable joy, and Roxas couldn't help but smile. "What's up?"

"Nothing, really. I'm just having a little trouble relaxing. How are you?"

"I'm good. Although Mother and Father said they have no plans to return to Radiant Garden for at least three months, which sort of sucks," Roxas could practically hear the grimace in her voice, and he wanted nothing more than to hug her tightly and never let her go. "How are things with you?"

"Oh, you know. Since Kairi's last visit, our parent's have stopped trying to push her friendship with Sora. Something to do with her older brother Irvine not agreeing to it, or so I overheard. Sora seems a little down about it, because well, you know Sora. He likes to make friends wherever he goes, and always tries to see the good in people. I think they still talk on the phone occasionally, though. Cloud's still a little quiet. I think that letter really hit him hard. It's like he's beginning to mourn all over again. The idea that not only did he lose Zack, but that they were so close to being together and happy really hurts him. I worry about him. I don't think he'll ever be one hundred percent over Zack, to be honest."

"It's Cloud's first true love, Roxas. It's one of those things that's permanent and irrevocable. It will never go away. Time might make it easier, but Zack will always be in Cloud's heart. But he has you looking out for him, so I'm sure that it'll help him a great deal," Roxas wondered how his younger cousin could be so wise at such a young age, and marvelled over just how pure her heart was. Every single word seemed to be weighted with compassion and sincerity, and he wished he could be more like her. "But how are _you,_ Roxas?"

"Oh, you know me. Poor little sulky rich kid, and all that. I'm fine, Namine. Honestly."

"Roxas," Namine groaned. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know that."

"I know, I know. But honestly Nami, don't worry about me, okay?"

With a sigh, Namine seemed to accept that she wouldn't make any more progress with Roxas. Instead, she opted for a change in the conversation. "So, how's the friendship thing going with Axel? You two seemed to be growing pretty close, last time we spoke."

"Sure, it's uh, going great. He, um, has a date tonight."

"Oh? _Oh_," the note of realisation in Namine's voice confused Roxas, and he scowled. "So how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know," Roxas confessed, balanced the phone between his shoulder and ear to play nervously with his fingers. "It's a little... weird."

"Weird, huh?" There was a little sigh, as if Roxas was missing something that was completely obvious to his cousin. "Oh. Roxas."

"What?"

"So this weird feeling, what's it like?"

"I don't know. It's just_ weird._ Like when he told me he had a date, I felt really ...weird. It's hard to describe, okay? I mean... my stomach went all tight and funny, and my head started spinning. I felt like my legs had turned to jelly, and I had no idea how I felt. Everything in my head seemed so... Confused."

"Do you think you might have been a little _jealous_?"

Roxas paused, a little shocked. "Jealous? _What_? Namine, don't be silly. Why would I be _jealous._"

"Oh, Roxas," Namine's giggle was sweet and she sighed. "What are we going to do with you? Have you ever entertained the idea that you might actually _like_ Axel?"

Roxas nearly dropped the phone, and spluttered, very articulately all things considered. It was a possibility, sure, but Roxas had never even been close enough to anyone to like them before, and he had no idea whether or not his behaviour was just what normal friends felt, or whether it was something more. Then there lay the problem of Axel's gender. Because if Roxas _did _like Axel, being both male might cause a problem, especially with Roxas' parents. That's to say that if Roxas did, hypothetically, _like _Axel, the red head might not, hypothetically, like him back. Which might cause a problem. In what was either a cruel twist of fate, or an act of salvation, Roxas heard a familiar _tap _hit his window, and sure enough, when he peered out, Axel – a little better dressed than usual- was waiting for him.

"Uh, Namine, I really have to go, okay?" He didn't give his cousin time to reply, instead tossing his phone on his bed and climbing out of the window. His heart was hammering and his thoughts were racing, trying hard to either a) evaluate Namine's statement, or b)shut it out completely. Roxas' distraction meant he missed one of the bottom foot-holds, slipping and almost crashing dangerously to the ground, had Axel not decided to catch him.

"Hey, steady, Rox, you could've hurt yourself, you know." Axel set the blonde to his feet, and smiled. "Didn't think you'd bother waiting for me."

"Yeah, sorry," Roxas was suddenly very uncomfortable at the close proximity of him and the red-head, and his nerves seemed to be burning, itching at him to just run away. "So, you're early. I thought you'd have been on your date."

"Yeah," Axel pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and staring off into the distance thoughtfully. "It just... wasn't right. There's nothing there anymore."

"_Anymore_?"

Chuckling, Axel motioned Roxas to follow him. "Yeah, remember that guy I said got me a job at his uncles ranch? It was him. His name is Saix, and I don't know... I bumped into him recently and thought '_why not?'_¸ but we're not the same people we once were. We just ... don't click anymore. He's very different to the guy I remember. But ah, well. A date's still a date, right?"

"Yeah, right."

Axel casually threw one arm around the blonde, something he'd done many times over the last few weeks. Only this time, the movement didn't seem so casual. Not to Roxas, anyway. The limb felt heavy and hot, and it _burdened _him_. _

_Have you ever entertained the idea that you might actually like Axel._

Roxas hadn't, but he couldn't deny that although both friendships and crushes were all extremely foreign to him, his reaction earlier wasn't normal. And now, with Axel chattering away about his disaster date with Saix his presence seemed very ... _there_ to Roxas.

_You might actually like Axel. _

It was indeed a possibility. And, cursing Namine for putting the thought in his mind, Roxas groaned, trying to work out just what to do now.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Once again, thank you for your lovely reviews. However, I will say one thing - I've had a couple of private messages off of different people, asking me to try to aim for 5-6k words per chapter, considering I currently write somewhere between 3-4k. Although I love your enthusiasm, please bear in mind that generally I post a chapter either every day, or every other day. Meaning I'm writing 3000 words a day as it is, without all my other work!**

* * *

><p>Roxas couldn't really remember the night before, it was all an incoherent blur. He was vaguely aware of the fact that Axel had been talking about Saix, and how the kind, if not a little serious boy he'd once known had turned into an ice-cold stranger. Roxas had <em>ooh-ed,<em> and _ahh-ed_ at appropriate points in conversation, and even though Axel's eyes had narrowed slightly, as though he had an idea something was different, he said nothing.

Which had been a small blessing, considering Namine's earlier statement had gotten Roxas rather worked up and confused.

Roxas had a restless, dreamless night's sleep, and with when he'd awoke to the message that his parents had gone away for a business trip, he thanked the Lord for small mercies. Because, really, he didn't think he had the capacity to work out just what his feelings were and deal with all of his mandatory tasks.

So now from his windowsill, Roxas watched Axel, who was currently working very hard with a sandy mare, whilst Riku was occupied with a brown colt. They were both very shirtless, and really, Roxas couldn't blame them. The heat was incredibly uncomfortable, and working in the sun with such big, powerful animals couldn't have been a fun job. They had very different body shapes, Roxas noted. Riku's body was defined: smooth skin pulled taunt over strong muscles. A very masculine body. Axel, however, was much leaner. His hips incredibly bony and wide, his jeans riding low on them, and Roxas was pretty sure that girls the world over would kill for those hips. But, at the same time his chest and stomach were toned, though not as defined as Riku's, and when Axel turned, Roxas could see strong, tight muscles knotting in the red-heads back.

Which sort of caused a problem for Roxas.

He knew that he and Axel were friends now, and despite his entire lack of experience with sincere friends, he knew that guys often saw each other shirtless: be it at the gym, beach or somewhere else. So, Roxas was pretty sure a shirtless (!) Axel wasn't a big deal. Because they were friends, right? Except Roxas was also pretty sure, despite his entire lack of experience with real friendship, that you weren't supposed to admire the smoothness of your friends back, or feel the urge to run a finger along their muscles.

And coupled with Namine's question, (which he was _trying _not to think about, _god dammit!_) Roxas was feeling entirely out of sorts about the whole thing.

Because in all honesty, though Roxas had never given much thought to his still fairly new friendship with Axel, with Namine planting the seed in his mind, everything seemed to make more sense. After all, even since the beginning. Axel crawled under Roxas' skin in a way no-one had before, and throughout their friendship Roxas felt a closeness to Axel that he'd never had with anyone before, excluding his brothers of course. Yet, all along it had always been a different kind of closeness. So, it made sense that Roxas might (and the 'might' was very important to the blonde) have a small crush on Axel.

However, at the same time Roxas wasn't willing to jeopardise the only genuine friendship of his life, for the sake of a schoolboy crush. Besides, he'd seen what a same-sex-out-of-aristocracy relationship had done to Cloud, and Roxas wasn't sure he could go through the same thing.

Even if Axel did have a very lovely back...

Not that Roxas even liked Axel for sure. (Though Roxas' thought-process was beginning to repeat itself, and in the back of his mind he kept hearing ' "_The lady doth protest too much, methinks_." )

"Hey, Roxas!" The blonde jumped, nearly tumbling out of the window, hands catching the frame just in time. Below him, a dusty (and still very shirtless) Axel hovered between concern and hysterical laughter. "Careful, that's twice in a row you've been clumsy climbing out of windows. I heard your Mom and Dad are away for the weekend, does that mean Roxas can come out and play?"

"Uh," shirtless(!) Axel inviting Roxas to play was suddenly causing havoc with the blondes train of thought, as well as his ability to form an articulate response.

"Aww, come on," Axel replied a little crestfallen, obviously taking Roxas' lack of real response as reluctance. "We'd get to hang out, like real friends. No sneaking around at the dead of night, trying to whisper. I'll make sure that I get you home in one piece, and not a single other person will be any the wiser. Stable-boys honour."

"Okay then," Which was Roxas' only response because the red-head seemed so excited by the idea, he couldn't say no. And if Roxas was honest with himself, he didn't want to say no. "So what did you have in mind?"

"That's what I like to hear!" The elation in Axel's voice made Roxas' heart skip in strange, erratic ways, and he didn't entirely dislike the sensation. "Your parents are away for the next three nights, right? Well, I was thinking we could head to this bar I really like in the town."

"A bar?" Roxas raised his eyebrow.

"Well, I know it's hardly ballroom functions and five-star dining, but I'm sure one night in my world wouldn't kill you. As long as you don't mention that you're only eighteen, I'm sure it'll be fine. I mean obviously they'll think you're a little younger than I am, but they'll probably guess you're about twenty and look young. I doubt Jack will do anything, but I'm sure it's more don't ask, don't tell sort of system."

"So, let me get this straight: you want me, Roxas Strife, eighteen year old heir to a multimillion dollar empire, to go to a bar in an area with a 21 drinking age, that's willing to serve a minor, so long as they don't out-right declare that they're a minor?"

"Pretty much," Axel leant back on his heels, stretching his arms out behind him. Which made Axels stomach and chest look very _nice_.

Swallowing the salvia that had apparently formed in his mouth, Roxas attempted a grin. "God knows what excuse I'm going to throw at Cloud and Sora, but I suppose one night isn't going to hurt."

"Good, I'll meet you here around nine-thirty. Don't be late."

Roxas would have replied, but when Axel returned to work Roxas caught a glimpse of that lovely back again. Which did nothing to help Roxas' dilemma of just how much he liked (or did not like) Axel - what with the whole lack of coherent thought due to said red-head.

When Roxas finally regained his train of thought, he wondered just how things had changed so quickly.

oOOo

Cloud watched the red-head retreating to the training paddock oddly, emotions on his face clouded and obscured. His gaze flickered briefly to a window, but went straight back to Axel. When the stable boy finally faded out of view, Cloud lay back on the grass,

The sunlight was making him drowsy, and it reminded him of the times he and Zack would laze together, side by side. Cloud closed his eyes and brushed his fingers along the dog tags around his neck, imagining what it would be like if Zack was still alive- still here by his side. He'd be twenty-one now, and Cloud imagined he'd be stationed at home, just like he'd promised in the letter. They'd be together, right now. Cloud knew that much. There was no way in hell that Cloud would have passed up on Zack's offer to get their own place.

It was two years since Zack's death; two long, painful years, and yet lying eyes shut on the grass, Cloud could almost imagine the solider lying beside him.

_What would Zack do_?

Cloud bolted upright, Leon's words suddenly echoing in his mind. It had been an odd request to join a 'Restoration Committee' whose very purpose was to change the way that the upper-class society worked. Cloud knew what Zack's answer would be. Of course he did. Zack would be all for joining the committee, to make a positive change, it would have been something important to the solider, making a difference, no matter how small.

And Cloud couldn't let Zack down, no matter how apprehensive he may be. He rooted around in his pocket, pulling out his sleek cell phone, and the now crumpled piece of paper. With a final thought about Zack, Cloud sighed and dialled the number.

It picked up after three rings.

"Hello, Squall Leonhart speaking."

"Leon."

"Cloud? Is that you?"

Cloud rolled onto his side, dropping the scrap of papers and clutching at the dog-tags with his free hand. "Yes, it's me. Look Leon, about the... I'm in."

oOOo.

Roxas pushed the piece of steak around his plate, jabbing at it occasionally, whilst Sora and Cloud chattered away about _something_. The atmosphere seemed a lot better without the presence of their parents, and what would normally be a stony, silent meal was now resembling a normal family meal.

"So, then _Selphie_ said-" Sora began, and Roxas found himself zoning out. He hated being rude to his twin – he idolised Sora, but a conversation about the people that used his brother, he just couldn't concentrate.

"Roxas?"

The blonde looked up from his plate when his oldest brother, who was staring at him. Shaking himself, Roxas smiled.

"Yes?"

"You seem distracted. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, honestly," Roxas bit his lip before he continued. "I'm just going to have an early night, 'kay?"

Cloud nodded, so Roxas rose from his place on the table. 8:57. He still had time to get ready. He wasn't aware his brother had followed him out into the hall until he heard his quiet voice.

"Roxas, just don't stay out with him too late, and make sure that Mother and Father never find out about this."

The younger blonde was struck dumb, and resorted to blinking slowly. A wry grin found it's way to Cloud's lips and he shrugged. "I do have eyes and ears, you know."

With a cautious nod, and just the slightest blush staining his cheeks, Roxas bolted up the stairs, and into his room.

oOOo

Roxas leant against the manor wall, fidgeting uneasily. It felt like he'd been waiting an eternity for Axel to turn up, and he had a sinking feeling that Axel would blow him off, not turning up at all. Roxas felt terribly self conscious, too. He'd worn one of his only pairs of jeans (stupidly overpriced, of course. Courtesy of his parents), and, what he hoped looked casual (but actually had a $600 price tag) tee.

"You're early."

Roxas jumped at the sound of Axel's voice, relief flooding through him. "No, you're just late."

"Oh really?" Axel smirked, walking towards him slowly. He looked effortlessly cool - black, slim fit jeans, a simple grey t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Coupled with his black lace up boots, Roxas couldn't help but _stare_. Roxas' heart fluttered, and he tried to push back the realisation that, yeah, the possibility he did have a crush on Axel was fairly high. "It's 9.25, kid. Meaning I'm early. God knows how early you must be, considering I said 9.30."

Roxas blinked, lifting his wrist to glance at his watch. True to Axel's word, the face told him it was only 9.25. "I.. Sorry. I must have got the time wrong."

"It's okay," Axel motioned at Roxas to step closer with his head, "you don't mind a walk, do you?"

Roxas shook his head, joining Axel as they headed towards the employee's entrance - and exit - to the grounds. Taking out a key card, Axel swiped it through a machine, doors groaning to life and opening.

"So, where are we going exactly?" Roxas asked as they stepped though, gates closing behind them a moment later. Axel turned a corner, leading them to a long, narrow road, and gently lead Axel in that direction with his hand.

"A bar, remember? Don't worry, it's not too far. Besides, I thought the walk might be nice," Axel reached into his pocket, taking out his lighter and cigarette's. "You don't mind?"

"Nah," Roxas' eyes momentarily focused on the way Axel's mouth worked around the cigarette, taking a deep drag and holding it, before blowing out the smoke slowly, as if it was the greatest of privileges. "Why do you smoke, Axel?"

"Don't know, comfort I guess," Axel confessed. "I have an addictive personality. Get it from Mom. For her it was booze, for me it's these. Just one of those things. I know I shouldn't, but it's one of the only stable things in my life, and it relaxes me."

Roxas hummed in response, unsure of what to say next. They walked in silence for a while, and whole thing seemed terribly romantic, even if the older man had never done anything to indicate that it was anything but platonic. But the stars were out, illuminating the dark nights sky, moon large and bright. The air was warm, and a few fireflies were flying around. Axel's arm kept brushing Roxas' as they walked, and overall the night seemed perfect.

"I've been working with your horse," Axel said eventually, flicking the end of his cigarette away. "He's definitely a thoroughbred, but he's got a lot of fight in him."

Roxas' mind went back to the image of Axel on Strider, and just how beautiful he'd looked. "Oh, really? Thanks'. But you didn't have to."

"I know, but I want to. I don't want to risk him throwing you, and you getting hurt again."

"You... Y-you don't want me getting hurt again?"

"Of course not," Axel chuckled, casually throwing an arm around Roxas' shoulder and ruffling his hair. "You're my friend."

"Right, friends."

They walked for a little longer, before they eventually got to the town. It was very different to the big, gated houses on the outskirts of Radiant Garden, different to the big beautiful university. Instead, it was a typical town. They navigated several streets, Axel leading the way, until they stopped in front of a bar.

"The Black Pearl?" Roxas raised a thin brow, and Axel placed an arm around his shoulders, guiding the blonde in.

"Trust me, it's a good place," Axel used his other hand to swing the door open, revealing a surprisingly spacious bar. "I want you to join my world, remember?"

The bar was quite full, and a man with black dreads, behind the bar smirked at Axel. "Well, if it isn't my favourite customer! And he's brought a friend. What are you having, Axel?"

"Jack!" Axel guided Roxas towards the bar with him, offering his companion a reassuring smile. "I'll have a beer, and whatever my friends having.

The man -Jack- smirked, his eyes then went to Roxas, roaming him carefully. Roxas guessed he was trying to age him, and he tried to remain collected. "So, what are_ you_ having?"

"I'll have a rum and coke, please."

"Rum? Good choice kiddo, I like you already."

As Jack went off to sort the drinks, Roxas reached for his wallet, only to have Axel's hand push it away. "No, I've got this."

Roxas opened his mouth to protest, but Axel rolled his eyes. "I don't care how much money you've got, or how little I've got. I was the one who invited here, this is obviously way out of your comfort-zone, let me. Please."

Roxas watched Axel plead, and the fluttering in his chest returned. "Sure."

When Jack returned with their drinks, Axel seemed to scan the bar, almost as if he was looking for someone. His eyes widened with recognition, and the red-head began to walk towards the far end of the bar, motioning Roxas to follow. Perched on a stool sat a muddy blonde around Axel's age, hair styled into what looked like the bizarre love-child of a mowhawk and a mullet. He grinned widely at Roxas, before turning to Roxas and extending his hand.

"Hi, Roxas! I'm Demyx, Axel's friend. It's nice to meet you."

Roxas took the hand and shook it, feeling more than a little dazed. "Uh, hi."

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier," Axel looked a little sheepish and sipped at his beer. "Wasn't sure that you'd agree to come along if you knew a couple of my friends were here too."

"It's okay," Roxas smiled, taking a drink and trying not to wrinkle his nose. The only alcohol he'd drunk before were expensive wines and champagne's. The rum tasted strange, and he guessed the coke was cheap. "Nice to meet you, Demyx."

"Well, if he isn't the cutest little piece of jailbait!" Demyx all but sang, propping his head up with his hand. "You'd better watch yourself around him, Axel. Might get ya in trouble."

"He's over eighteen, Demyx," Axel sighed, taking a big drink from his beer. "Besides, there's nothing to worry about there. Me and Rox are friends, Dem. Nothing more."

It probably shouldn't have stung Roxas the way it did, but at the statement something clawed horribly at his heart, making him wince.

"But he so does have a nice little ass, Ax!"

"Demyx," Axel rolled his eyes but chuckled nonetheless. "You're drunk or at least getting there. I'm not sure that Zexion would appreciate your...fondness of Roxas' ass either. Even if it is as nice as you say it is."

"What's this I hear, Demyx?"

Roxas turned to see a slim, slate haired man walking towards them, visible eyebrow raised. The muddy blonde, who was obviously more than a little tipsy, ducked his head.

"Well, obviously it's not as nice as _yours_."

"Good, keep it that way," the man turned to the bar. "A whiskey, please. And make it a double."

The confusion must have been evident on his face, because Axel placed a comforting hand on Roxas' arm, nodding in the new-guys direction. "Roxas, this delightful bundle of joy right here is Zexion, Demyx's other, and more intellectual, half. Zexion, this is Roxas."

The way that the slate haired man looked at Roxas was absolutely predator-like, and Roxas fought the urge to shrink back.

"So you're Roxas. The rich little manor brat who threatened to get my friend fired, just because he saved you from a horse that threw you," Seeing the anxiety on Roxas' face, Zexion smirked playfully. "Axel hasn't stopped talking about you for a month or so. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Axel seemed to flush a little, waving his hand vaguely. "Zexion exaggerates. I don't talk about you all the time."

"Just a lot of the time." Zexion's smirk was almost wicked, and Axel shifted uncomfortably.

"Shut it, Zex."

"So, Zexion," Roxas cut in when he saw the smirk on the man's face grow, mouth gaping open slightly ready to retaliate. "What do you and Demyx do?"

"I'll assume that question was directed at our educational and professional lives, and not our...private lives. " At Roxas' scowl, Zexion looked quite pleased with himself, and took a drink of his whiskey. "Demyx works here part time, as well as being a junior in RGU, where he's doing a music degree. As for myself, I'm a senior, also at RGU, where I'm actually doing a joint honours degree in English and Psychology."

"Oh," Roxas suddenly felt very young, and very useless. Axel (who was laughing about something with Demyx) was 21 with a job, he'd travelled the worlds, and had gone through a lot. Demyx was juggling a part time job, and university, and Zexion was close to graduating from a degree with two majors. Mathematically, he'd guess Demyx and Zexion to be about 21 or 22, respectively. And then there was Roxas - 18, no plans for university, the most adventure he'd ever had being a friendship with (and possible crush on) a 'commoner', and pushed around functions and balls all his life. Roxas was young, and had done nothing with his life. These people? They were so much better than he was.

"Hey, you okay?" Axel's lips where at Roxas' ear, and the blonde jumped at the sound of his voice. All of his nerves seemed to set themselves ablaze all at once, and he couldn't tell whether Axel being so close was pleasurable or uncomfortable.

"Yeah, sorry. Was just thinking."

"Don't worry. Zex always has a stick up his ass, but he's a nice guy deep down, and Dem's just a little tipsy."

Roxas allowed himself to relax, and found himself enjoying not only Axel's company, but Zexion's and Demyx's too. He found himself enjoying Zexion's dry, sarcastic humour, and joined in the laughter when Demyx began to complain about various things in his already tipsy state. However, as the night wore on, Demyx sobered a little, and they all moved to a table, Zexion and Demyx on one side, and Roxas and Axel on the other. Roxas began to watch the two lovers as they interacted, and he found it fascinating. In his world, 'love' was all about appearances and networking. It was formal and stiff, but with Zexion and Demyx, it was lovely to watch. Roxas couldn't take his eyes off of the small things they did. Zexion would shift, and unconsciously Demyx would too. Occasionally the slate haired man would stare at the muddy blonde with such adoration that Roxas couldn't help but smile. He found himself slightly envious, because it was clear just how genuinely in love they actually were.

Occasionally Axel would whisper in his ear again, asking him if he was okay, or having a good time, and Roxas would always feel elated at both the red-heads proximity, and his concern. The four of them talked about anything and everything, from the courses that Demyx and Zexion were studying, to some of the various things Axel did on his adventures, even to what the balls Roxas attended were like. Eventually, and Roxas wasn't sure how much time had actually passed, Axel rose to his feet, nodding at his friends. "We'd better get back. I have work in the morning, and Roxas needs to get back before anyone notices."

Demyx looked up, his fingers intertwined with Zexion's. "Yeah, nice meeting you, Rox."

"You too," and Roxas really meant it. He liked Axel's friends, and after all, he was one of them now.

"See you, Roxas," Zexion's cool voice followed them as they exited the bar, and Roxas smiled when Axel turned and blew the pair a comical kiss over his shoulder. As soon as the doors opened, and Roxas stepped out into the night, his head whirled horribly. He felt sick, and staggered slightly. Axel's arms caught him, and he heard the red-head chuckle.

"Yeah, fresh air can be a nightmare if you've been drinking. Don't worry though, you didn't drink too much. Just stay still a second and you'll be okay."

Roxas couldn't work out what was worse - the way his head swan from the alcohol, or the way it absolutely spiralled at the realisation that Axel was holding him in his arms. Eventually the world stopped racing, and Axel released him, making sure they stayed close as they walked though.

"Riku gave me a bollocking, by the way," Axel smirked, one arm still steadying Roxas as they strolled back.

"What, why?"

Axel shrugged, and Roxas felt the instinctive urge to follow the movement and tuck himself further under Axel's arm. "Well, he wasn't happy with the way I spoke to you before, when you had your little temper tantrum. But, after I spoke to you so casually yesterday about my date with Saix, he accused me of being 'overly comfortable' with you, considering your my boss. And, as he so amply reminded me, the son of 'one of the wealthiest and most prestigious families around.'"

Roxas considered this, and gnawed on his lip. "Does my being your friend cause you trouble? I mean, Demyx said I was jail bait or something, and Riku told you off. I don't want to be a hassle..."

"Roxas," Axel's voice was gentle, and he stopped them both, turning them so they were face to face, Axel's hands on the blondes shoulders. He crouched, so that they were level, and his eyes, his beautiful, sparkling eyes, locked with Roxas'. "Look, I don't care what anyone else says or thinks. I am your friend because I care about you. I want to be your friend. I enjoy being your friend. I like talking to you. I like it when you smile, or when you laugh. I like it on those rare occasions when the walls come down completely and you're honest, or happy. You will never be a hassle to me, do you hear that? Never."

Roxas nodded, but was finding it hard to form coherent thought. Axel was incredibly close, so much so that Roxas could feel the heat radiating off of his body. Fire seemed to spread from the spots on his shoulders where Axel was touching him, and spread throughout his entire body. Every nerve was alight, and his stomach flipped.

Without breathing, without even thinking, Roxas leaned in, pressing his lips gently to Axel's.

Three things happened in such quick succession, that Roxas barely had time to comprehend what was going on. First, Axel froze, eyes wide, body rigid. Then, just for a nanosecond, eyes slipped closed, and Axel was actually kissing Roxas_ back_. And finally, much to Roxas' dismay, Axel pushed the blonde back, a look of pure horror and disgust on his face.

"What the hell, Roxas?" Axel's voice was strangled, and the red heads legs trembled some-what. A look that was _heartbreaking_ passed over his face, as if he'd just been told something awful. "Oh God, Zexion was right...Is this some sort of _game_? Is that what this is?"

"Axel, no I -"

"God, I am so stupid. This is exactly it! It's a game. Zexion warned me that I might just be convenient or a toy for you. That you might be using me to get back at your family._ Don't get too close,_ he said. _It's an artificial world_. Well, it makes sense now, doesn't it? Roxas is pissed that Mommy and Daddy only see him as the perfect little puppet he pretends to be. So he tries his hand at defiance. Forbidden friendship with the commoner- that'll show them. But then that's no longer enough. So you try this? This is sick, Roxas. I really thought that we were having fun tonight. I thought we were friends!"

"We _are!_"

"Then why would you mess with my head like this? Why the hell would you kiss me?" Axel didn't wait for a reply, instead choosing to storm off, fists balled tightly and muscles rigid. Roxas watched the man with a mixture of wretchedness and alarm, and he felt like the world was collapsing around him.

"Because I think I really fucking like you!" Roxas screamed, kicking angrily at the ground. The red head retreating in front of him flinched, and Roxas dropped to his knees, his voice lowering to a whisper. "I think I like you."


	10. Chapter Nine

**Sorry my updates are a little slower lately- work is bogging me down, and with classes starting again I've had little time to myself. I know I say this with every chapter, but I do sincerely mean it: thank you once again for all your lovely reviews. I read every single one, and they mean a lot to me.**

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><p>"What?" Axel still had his back to Roxas, but he'd stopped moving, fists tightening. "What did you say?"<p>

Roxas swallowed, rising slowly to his feet again. He wanted to rewind the last ten minutes and stop himself. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He wanted this whole sorry thing to disappear. He wanted - "I... I think I like you, Axel."

Axel turned agonizingly slowly, and Roxas felt a hot, embarrassed blush heat his skin from his neck to his hairline. Axel's bright green eyes were positively sparkling, yet his voice was sharp, and he took a step closer.

"Again."

"I think I like you."

Another few steps closer, so that they were just a few feet apart. His eyes narrowed and his lips curled up in a sneer. "You're fucking lying."

A familiar swell of anger rose in Roxas, much like it had done so often when the pair had just met. Just like then, he couldn't control his frustration, and a thick growl found its way to his throat. "Think whatever you want to think; that it's a game, that it's a lie - whatever. But it's not. I don't even know what it is. Just that being around you felt right, and the thought of you going out with Saix made my skin crawl and stomach churn. But I thought it was nothing. And then Namine suggested I might actually like you, and then_ bam!_ Once the notion was there, it suddenly all made perfect sense, and I figured that maybe I actually did like you. And you know what? I wish I fucking didn't. You're a working class male. I am supposed to be with a high-society female. Look what happened to Cloud. And I've had no real experience with these things, so I was just going to ignore it. Hope it went away, you know? But we had such a great time tonight, and I don't know why I did it, hell I don't even know why I like you, but I thought 'why not?'. And not only did I get rejected by the first person I liked; not someone I've pretended to like in the past to please my family, but genuinely liked; but then you go and be a complete ass about it!"

Roxas turned on his heel ready to storm away, but a strong, firm hand grabbed his forearm, tugging him back sharply.

"Get the fuck off of me, Axel."

"God you piss me off, kid."

The angry retort that was already building in Roxas' mouth was effectively killed by the way in which Axel practically dragged the blonde closer, crushing their lips together. The kiss was aggressive, almost violent, and Axel's fingers were painfully tight on Roxas' lips. It took all of Roxas' willpower to pull away, pushing forcefully at Axel's chest, and breaking the red heads grip. Alcohol made Roxas brave, and he pulled his arm back, balling his hand into a fist, before releasing it. Roxas' knuckled collided with Axel's jaw with a loud crack, and Axel's head snapped violently to the side. The red-head said nothing, instead taking the punch silently, without so much as a wince or a hiss of pain.

"No, Axel! You can't just brush me off, accuse me of using you like a play thing, and then try to kiss me. It's not fair!"

Roxas turned sharply, beginning to walk back to the house, when Axel spoke again.

"I'm not going to chase you."

"What?"

"I'm not chasing after you, Roxas," Axel's voice was firm, and Roxas narrowed his eyes, trying to process the statement. "If you walk away now, I won't run after you. I'm not going to chase you, ever. The moment you walk away that's us done. I won't come after you, I'll give up and walk away too."

That stopped Roxas, and as angry as he was, he couldn't keep walking. He couldn't risk the red-head walking away.

"Now look who's playing mind games," Roxas turned, facing Axel, who was still rubbing his jaw. A sinking feeling in the pit of Roxas' stomach had him wishing he was somewhere else - anywhere else. It had all gone so drastically wrong in the last five minutes, and it was all so unfair. "What do you want?"

Ignoring the question, Axel took a single step forward. "You genuinely like me?"

Roxas was thankful for the dark and the distance between them, because it disguised the worst of his blush quite nicely. "Yes. I said so, didn't I? Or is _that_ a game too?"

"Why?" The single word was quite sad, and compared to how tense and everything had been up until this point, it surprised Roxas.

"What?"

"Why, Roxas? Why do you like me?"

"I don't know. You piss me off, in a weird way. People irritate me all the time. But you, you piss me off so I lose control, which never happens. But at the same time I cannot imagine anyone who makes me feel happier. I don't know why like you. Being with you makes me feel warm and fuzzy. But I didn't even think that I did like you until yesterday. I've never had this experience before, I didn't know the difference between friendship and liking someone... But it makes sense. And today, every time you touched me, or spoke to me.. It was the best feeling ever. And you were so close, and I knew that there was nothing I wanted more than to kiss you. Then..." Roxas trailed off, eyes falling to the floor. "Sorry for punching you."

"No, I'm sorry. For assuming the worst in you. It was a pretty shitty thing for me to have done," Axel took a few more steps forward. "I really am sorry."

"You're right, it was a pretty shitty thing to have said," Roxas' eyes were still planted firmly on the ground. He didn't like how what had once been such a perfect night, had soured so quickly. He hated it even more, that it was his fault. "But it's my fault. I kissed you without provocation, and you clearly don't feel the same, otherwise you wouldn't have acted like you did. So I'm sorry."

A few more steps closer. "Roxas, that's all very well and good, but you seem so intent on concentrating on my ass-like behaviour, how it's _obviously_ all your fault, that you seem to be missing one tiny, but ever so important little detail."

"What's that?"

"Well, between all the bullshit and arguing, I kissed you back."

Roxas blinked once, then twice. He heard the words, but they didn't seem to fit together in his mind. "I don't understand."

"Accusations and fighting aside," Axel took another step closer, so they were an arm's length away. The red head reached out, tilting Roxas' chin up with slim fingers, so that his eyes were forced to meet Axel's. "I kissed you back. Obviously the way I went about it was awful. Accusing you of such... horrible things, and then forcing you to kiss me. But, nevertheless, I still kissed you, too."

"Uhuh," Slowly the pieces were slotting together for Roxas, and he swallowed the now painfully large lump in his throat.

"You're not following, are you?" Something that sounded oddly like regret tinged Axel's voice, and he shook his head. "That's my fault, for being so damn hot headed and explosive, I suppose. Roxas, the reason I reacted so badly when I thought that this was a joke or a game, is the same reason that I kissed you. I like you, kid. I can't justify my behaviour, but I like you."

Tentatively, as if he were afraid that he might frighten or hurt Roxas, Axel used his grip on the blondes chin to secure his face, leaning in cautiously. He brushed his lips against Roxas' experimentally, and when Roxas didn't struggle or pull away, he gently captured Roxas' lips with his own. Although Roxas' mind was still trying to comprehend exactly what was going on, given that so much had occurred in the last fifteen minutes, instinct drove him to return the kiss.

It was sweet and tender, and very similar to how Roxas had hoped that their first, failed, attempt at a kiss should have been like. Neither deepened the kiss, but it came to a stop when Roxas' brain finally slotted everything together.

"Wait," Roxas mumbled as he pulled away, brow furrowed in confusion. "You_ like_ me?"

"Yes," Axel chuckled. It sounded odd, as though he was either drowsy or drunk. He pecked lightly at Roxas' lips, as if to prove a point.

"And you got angry when you thought I was toying with you, because you like me?"

"Yup, that pretty much sums that rant of mine up."

"Huh," Roxas had to bite down on his lip to force the smile that was budding there, down. "You like me."

"Yeah," Axel said, rubbing a thumb along Roxas' cheek. His lips were so close to the blondes that as he spoke, they brushed, drawing a shudder from the younger boy.

"Why? How long?"

"Pretty much since I met you," Axel smirked when Roxas squirmed. "There is no reason. Just do."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Axel grinned, capturing the blonde's lips with his own. Roxas' arms wound around Axel's neck, lips parting as he let out a contented sigh. Axel took advantage of the motion, humming slightly in the back of his throat, tongue gently running across Roxas' lower lip, before pushing past, searching for Roxas' own tongue. So much had seemed to happen so quickly, and Roxas could barely comprehend what was going on. He tried not to question it though; he was sure that this was some bizarre, surreal dream that could shatter at any given moment. For now, Roxas wanted to focus entirely on the fact that Axel was here in his arms and kissing him. He'd deal with the 'how's' and 'why's' later, all that mattered is that Axel said he liked him back, and was currently kissing him.

"Well, that was nice," Axel murmured as they pulled apart, a wolfish grin splitting his lips.

"Uhuh," Roxas seemed a little dazed, but thought his reply was rather articulate, all things considered. Roxas swallowed, and raised a hand to touch Axel's face. Guilt knotted in his stomach when Axel winced a little at the contact, and he shuffled his feet sheepishly. "Axel, shit, I'm so-"

"Don't say it," Axel interrupted, smirking. He pressed Roxas hand closer to his face, leaning into the touch. "It doesn't really hurt, s'just a little tender right now. You have quite the right hook on you, for a pampered little rich kid."

"Shut up," Roxas grinned in spite of himself, sobering only when Axel let out a long breath.

"I meant what I said, though," Axel said softly. "If you walk away, I won't chase you. Even if it kills me, I won't. I couldn't put myself through it; trying to fight for something you're willing to walk away from, so I'd just walk in the opposite direction."

"Alright," Roxas said, worrying his lip. "That seems fair. I'll make sure not to be walking anywhere, then."

"Good," Axel smiled, and offered his hand out to Roxas. When the blonde took it, he squeezed their fingers together gently, before nodding his head towards the end of the street. "We'd better get going, it's getting late. Besides, there's only so much time you can spend fighting then making out on street corners before exhaustion kicks in."

"Alright," Roxas smiled. They walked in silence for a little while, hand in hand, as Roxas' primary brain tried to catch up with exactly what was going on. However, any attempts to even begin processing the nights events were obscured by the sheer romance of the moment. Here they were; fingers laced, strolling through the night. Stars were shining above them, fireflies still fluttering. Roxas had just met Axel's friends, and they'd just shared their first kiss. Now Axel was walking him home. It was like every clichéd movie Roxas had ever watched, every cheesy book he'd ever read. Except now that he was with Axel, and those fictional moments he'd scoffed at were happening to him, they were no longer corny or cheesy. Instead they were brilliant, cherished events that left Roxas deliriously happy. That ever present despondent feeling was gone, and it was as though the gaping void within Roxas that had been created through the selfishness of those who had claimed to care about him, was finally filled.

"I can't believe you were jealous of Saix," Axel laughed a little, fingers tightening around the blondes. Roxas snapped out of his daze, and his cheeks darkened a little bit.

"I didn't know I was jealous at the time. I only figured out the emotion when Namine suggested it."

"Huh," Axel sounded terribly amused, and chuckled quietly to himself for a moment. "So you talk about me to Namine?"

Flushing with embarrassment Roxas tried to brush it off. "Well, not really, your name just came up in conversation..."

"Except," Axel drawled, sounding very smug. "You didn't know you liked me till yesterday, right? And so my name coming up in conversation must have been pretty random, considering the secretive nature of our friendship. Unless Namine already knew that you and I talked. That means you must've talked about me to Namine before, brought up that we were friends - or at least knew each other on a more personal level than just employer-employee. And for Namine to guess, correctly, that you like me, must mean that you were pretty emotional when you talked about me. So that means that you must have talked about me a lot, too."

"Shut up, Axel."

"Don't be embarrassed," Axel's voice lost its cocky edge, and suddenly sounded incredibly dreamy. "I like the idea of you caring about me that much. It makes me happy."

Roxas bit back some sort of equally sappy remark, choosing to just hum softly.

"I can't believe you were jealous of Saix though."

"Axel," Roxas groaned, trying to turn his head away to avoid yet another blush. "Do we have to return to this topic?"

"Yeah," Roxas could all but _hear _Axel's grin. "We do. There's a reason things between he and I didn't work out, ya know. Any idea's as to why?"

"Nope," Roxas smirked a little. "But I have a feeling that whether I ask to hear why or not, you're going to tell me."

"You guessed correctly." Axel's thumb began to absentmindedly stroke the back of Roxas' hand, and Roxas gasped. Up until this point had no idea just_ pleasant _such a simple touch could be. "You see, when we were kids, we were best friends. It was a really strange friendship. To the outside world, it seemed like I was the one who took charge. I was much like I am today, only a little worse. I was energetic, enthusiastic about everything and I loved being the centre of attention. I had this idea that if I could get everyone to remember me, I'd be immortal, memories never dying and all that. I guess I've mellowed somewhat with age, given I now have bills to pay and so I have less time for fun and games. Anyway, to everyone else it seemed like Saix had just gone along with whatever I said, and people would wonder just why he put up with me. Which is ironic, given that in reality it was always him in control. He'd make the decisions, give the directions. I just happened to follow them in my own zig-zaggy way. Despite the fact he was always the serious one in our friendship, I loved him. He was always so calm, so collected on the outside, but he was such a nice guy and genuinely cared about me. And with my mom the way she was, and my dad upping and going, I needed the stability in my life. Looking back it's obvious I had a little crush on him, but at the time I appreciated his stability too much to notice.

"Then, one day he met this guy. Made friends with him, and we just sort of drifted apart. I wanted to go off and travel the worlds, and after my mom's death there was nothing keeping me there, so I was itching to go. Saix wanted to stay in Oblivion. We promised we'd keep in touch - that we'd always be friends, but even then we were already growing apart. We lost contact, but it wasn't bitter, it was just organic. Anyway, I bumped into him here. We agreed to go for a drink, like a date. I didn't know you liked me at the time, so just thought 'why not'. But things were so different. Like I said, I've mellowed a little, but essentially I'm still the same person. But Saix... it was like talking to a stranger. He was still all cool and composed, but the compassion was gone. He didn't have that caring quality any more. That aspect of Saix that I'd loved as a kid was gone, and it was like he was this robotic shell. The more he talked, the more I realised that those feelings I had were gone; we wouldn't have even been able to rekindle our friendship, let alone anything else. I realised that Saix was no longer my figure of stability, but more than that - I didn't want him to be. I kept thinking about how different he was to you. How despite your front of being this perfect child of aristocracy, you actually care about the important things.

'I guess," Axel broke off, daring a sideward glance at Roxas, who'd been listening intently. "That's the point when I realised that it might be more than a passing crush that I had on you. I made my excuses and said my goodbyes to Saix, and I came home to see you. I didn't think you'd reciprocate my feelings, but man, I just wanted to be near you. Being around Saix had made me realise just how much you'd become a necessity in my life, in just five short weeks. At the time - even now - I knew it wouldn't matter if you never even liked me, because just being around you... just being your friend, hell even being your employee, helped me feel stable. It's less a case of wanting you, but more_ needing _you."

"Axel, I don't know what to say. I-"

"It's okay. It's my fault, that's kind of a heavy thing to spring on you. Especially given tonight's events and the alcohol in our systems."

"Axel, you ass, will you let me finish?" Roxas tugged them to a stop. They weren't far from the house now, in fact Roxas could see it, but this had to be said here and now. "I need you just as much as you say you need me. When I'm with you, that horrible emptiness in my chest is filled. You're just as essential to my happiness as you say I am to yours. So quit being an ass who thinks that you're going to frighten me away."

"I knew I liked you for a reason," Axel laughed, continuing to walk back to the house. "Do you think we'll remember any of this in the morning? I mean, we're both a little drunk, and it's god-knows what time."

"I'd like to think so."

They reached the gate, Axel breaking their linked hands to dig around in his pockets and take out the key-card, swiping it. The gates opened, and Roxas and Axel stepped inside. Suddenly, Roxas felt very nervous and very awkward. He was back inside his bubble again, he realised, and as the gates shut and locked themselves again, he felt horribly imprisoned. Roxas was terrified that the night would sour now that they'd returned, and he and Axel would return to the employer-employee roles, never speaking of this again. He tried to crush the thought, turning his attention to Axel.

"So, what now?"

Axel didn't reply verbally, instead he leant down; tilting Roxas' chin up with his forefinger and kissed him. The gesture was sweet, but short, Axel pulling away, lips upturned, after a moment. "We'll speak about it after we've had some sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good," Axel pecked lightly at Roxas lips once more, before pulling away. "Good-night. Sweet dreams, kid."

Roxas watched as Axel walked away, a finger reaching up to brush tingling lips. He was suddenly exhausted, and shimmied his way up to his bedroom window with dangerously tired eyes and muscles. He'd try to analyze the night in the morning, he decided as he crawled into bed. He drifted off almost instantly, and dreamt once again of Sora's Island, only this time just as Cloud had Zack, Roxas had Axel.

oOOo

The staff house was divided into apartments, and Axel was still on a high when he entered the one that he shared with Riku. The other man was just leaving the shower room when Axel arrived, hair wet and sticking to his skull and neck, a towel in his hands and wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms. Axel attempted to smile broadly, but the gesture was marred by the way Riku's eyes widened, and face contorted in shock.

"Jesus, what happened to your face?" Riku gasped, eyes skimming over the red-heads body as if to check for more injuries.

Axel turned to face the mirror in their room, and found that although it was nowhere near as bad as Riku's reaction had led him to believe, his face was still bruised. Along his jaw bone, fading into his cheek, a light fist shaped bruise was beginning to form. Axel could tell that it wouldn't be very dark, and would probably fade within a couple of days, but nevertheless, a bruise was forming.

"Roxas punched me," Axel couldn't help but smirk, and Riku's brows knitted together in confusion.

"What? _Why_?"

"'Cause I kissed him."

"What the hell were you thinking, Axel? And drop that cheshire cat grin, too."

"Hey," Axel held up his hands in defence, a hint annoyance creeping into his voice. He'd anticipated that Riku would have been pleased for him, not barking at him angrily. "He kissed me first."

"So why the fuck did he punch you?"

"Because I shouted at him."

"Fuck," Riku paced a little, ignoring the way his hair was still dripping, little beads of water landing on the carpet. "What the hell are you doing, Axel? Have you lost your tiny little mind? What happened. And tell me properly."

"Well, you know I said I'd take him to hang out with Zex and Dem? Well, so far so good: Dem's already a little merry, Zexion rolls up and we're all having a great time. Then the kid comes out of the bar, he's had a little to drink, and almost face-plants the floor. I catch him, and hold him till he's regained his balance, then he kisses me. And my immediate thought is that this is him playing some sort of game, 'cause Zexion warned me that Rox might just be using me. I get really angry and upset at the idea, start having a go at him. Right away the little spit-fire starts having a go at me, and I can sort of see it then - that he actually likes me. Despite the fact I've not only just rejected him, but I've also riled the kid up, I try to kiss him. Predictably, Roxas didn't take my little change of heart well, and socked me. Then we talked, made out, talked some more, I came home and here we are. Happy now, _Mom_?"

"You're playing a dangerous game, Axel."

"Oh, face it Riku," Axel snapped. "The only reason this bothers you so much is because you'd do anything to even be friends with Sora, let alone anything else, but you keep a distance because of your social status. So don't be such a hypocrite. The only difference between you and I is that I actually had the balls to do something about it."

Riku's face dropped. He tried to retain a blank look, but Axel didn't miss the way his eyes twitched, or his jaw slackened. A pang of guilt shot through Axel, and he grimaced. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

"No," Riku said briskly, walking towards his bed, rubbing his hair dry with the towel. "You're right. I am a coward. I put common sense before pursuing a friendship that not only wouldn't work, but would be one sided."

"Riku," Axel groaned. Honestly, this wasn't the reaction that Axel wanted. Despite the initial rockiness of the confession, the revelation that Roxas actually_ liked_ him had left him on a high. Now Riku's attempts to be the voice of reason were bringing him down. "Look, I shouldn't have said that. That was sort of a dick thing to say. It's just... you're killing my buzz."

"Axel, I'm not doing it to try to hurt you. I'm being realistic and honest. How do you see this ending?" Riku sat on his bed, leaning back on his arms. "And think about it carefully. Chances are this little fledgling relationship, or whatever you have going on, won't be public knowledge. I'm sure you've heard what happened to Cloud, and would you really want to put Roxas through something similar? What if Roxas gets married? What will you do, hmm? Be his bit on the side for the next twenty years? Or what if he doesn't get married and you just stay his dirty little secret for the rest of your life. Roxas seems an okay kid, but you're from very different worlds. I'd be lying if I said I didn't admire you, but you can't honestly tell me you see a future to any of this?"

"I don't know," Axel admitted, flopping back onto his own bed. "But right now, I want him. Right now, I feel like we can be happy. And right now is all we have, so it's going to have to do."

"Just ... Promise me you'll be careful and won't let yourself get hurt, okay Axel?"

Axel said nothing, instead choosing to roll onto his side, facing away from Riku's side of the room, and letting out a long, tired sigh.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Again, I apologise for the slightly longer delays between chapters of late. I've been working on a few (as of yet unpublished) one-shots, and classes have been pretty busy. No words can express how much I appreciate your reviews and constructive criticism.**

Roxas woke early, head throbbing slightly and stomach churning sickeningly. He was vaguely aware that although he never really paid much attention to how much he'd been drinking the night before, it hadn't initially seemed enough to warrant a hang-over. That being said, the only drinking Roxas had done in the past had been sipping expensive wines and champagne's. The cheap beers (and vodka's and rums) he'd been drinking the night before seemed to have caused Roxas' first ever hangover, and logically speaking he probably deserved it. Sitting up, Roxas clutched at his head and groaned, trying to piece together the night before, working out just how much he'd drunk

Which is exactly the moment when flashes of something very ...pleasant entered Roxas' mind, and the memories caused him to smile, fingers lifting to brush against his suddenly tingling lips.

Last night he'd kissed Axel, and as messy as the whole affair had been, Axel had kissed him back. His pulse suddenly quickened, and a blush began to form at the very thought of just how perfect the previous night had been. It still seemed so surreal, and Roxas honestly wouldn't have been surprised if he found out it was a strange, fantastic dream.Yet Roxas could still feel the way Axel's lips felt against his, and he could still taste Axel's breath; the bitter taste from the alcohol and cigarettes, but with a sweet, warm underlying twang that set Roxas' nerves alight. It was real and lovely and perfect, and for the first time in Roxas' life he considered himself genuinely happy with where his life might be headed.

"Roxas?" The quiet voice and tapping at the door caught Roxas' attention, and he turned to see Sora poking his head through the door. "Can I come in?"

Roxas was a little taken aback; he knew all too well that Sora disliked mornings and as far as Roxas was aware it was very early. A small frown began to form. "Sure. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sora offered his twin a bright smile, entering the room and sitting beside Roxas on his bed. "I just want to talk. I miss us. I feel like we're not as close as we used to be."

"Oh, Sora," Roxas reached out and squeezed his twins hand, "I'm sorry, you know I'll always love you unconditionally though, right?"

"I know. It's just how this world is. It's not intentionally, it's just a case of getting swept up with everything," Sora lay down, resting his head on Roxas' pillow. The blonde followed suit and they lay side-by-side, just as they did as children.

"How are things going with Kairi?" Roxas smirked, nudging his brother gently. Sora rolled his eyes, lips quirking.

"She's not too bad, I guess. She's pretty nice, even if she does try and dress me up in pink bow's and ribbons and other girly crap," Sora's grin softened. "In all seriousness, she's really nice. I know you don't think any of... those people are capable of being genuinely nice, but I think she is. She wants to be rescued just as much as you do, just in a different way."

Roxas blinked, mouth slightly agape. He wasn't aware his brother knew so much about his thoughts, after all he tried to shelter Sora from the dark cloud that loomed in his mind.

"Don't look so surprised. We are twins, you know. It's only subtle little things, but you can seem so sad when we have to socialize, and your eyes are so empty and hollow. Most people can't tell. I can. Cloud too."

Roxas nodded, swallowing down the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. He opted for changing the conversation, suddenly too chocked up to continue talking about his own thoughts and feelings. "I haven't seen Kairi 'round here lately though."

"Her brother doesn't like it," Sora chuckled a little, rubbing a still-sleepy eye with his hand. "He thinks that our parents are trying to force us together like they did Cloud and Tifa, and he thinks she's too young. When in reality everyone knows that's not going to happen. Sure, our friendship might prove beneficial in the future, but they wouldn't try and marry into the company using me. I'm never going to take over, so there would be no point. Mom and Dad don't need me."

"Sora," Roxas whispered, trying decide which felt worse, the way his heart spasmed at his brothers words, or his hangover. "Don't say that. You make yourself seem so unimportant when you talk about yourself like that."

"Don't sweat it Rox, but we all know it's true. You're Mon and Dad's golden child now. Even if you did sneak out last night." Sora grinned, and poked Roxas' ribs gently. "Where'd you go, Rox?"

"Nowhere, really," Roxas had no idea why he felt so compelled to lie, but this sense of wanting to protect Sora overwhelmed him, along with the idea that sharing information about Axel may do his twin more harm than good. "I just went out for a walk. I do that sometimes to clear my head."

"You sure?" There was something in Sora's voice, almost as though he didn't believe Roxas, but the latter chose to try and ignore it. "Because you can tell me anything, you know that. Anything at all."

Roxas swallowed and forced a smile, tucking himself further into the bed. "I'm sure. Nothing at all."

"Oh, okay," there was a flicker of almost sadness in Sora's eyes, but the brunette shook himself and followed Roxas' lead, tucking himself further into the bed. "Okay."

"Sora?" Roxas' voice had taken on a sleepy drawl. His head hurt and his eyes felt heavy, and he was fighting back both sleep and a hangover. "What did you mean about Kairi wanting to be rescued just as much as I do?"

"Just that as much as I can see it in your eyes that for all your acting you still want to cry and scream deep down, I can see she's just as desperate to be rescued. All these games she plays, wanting to pretend like she's some princess in need of rescuing and I can be the brave warrior to do it are a front. It's not childish; it's her inner self screaming to get out. She wants someone to take her away and rescue her. She wants someone to make her happy."

"Oh," Roxas stifled a yawn. "How do you know all that?"

"Because Roxas," Sora began, his voice becoming sad and wistful once again, with that knowing quality that Roxas couldn't quite name, but made him squirm regardless. "Just because people don't tell me, doesn't mean I don't see."

Neither said another word, instead they drifted off, side by side, in the early morning. It had been years since they'd last slept together like that; years since their parents had begun systematically separating them. But now they slept, two eighteen year old boys, two halves of a broken thing, sharing a gentle slumber.

oOOo

Cloud's grip on the bike tightened as the vehicle picked up speed, roaring as it accelerated. It had been a long time since he rode Fenrir, and the last time he could clearly recall is one stormy night when he'd snuck out and drove to Zack's grave, sobbing. It hadn't seemed fair and still didn't seem fair that Zack was dead whilst Cloud was alive. The last time before that he was pretty sure had been when Zack was alive.

The two of them had hung out, tuning the bike whenever they had chance, despite Cloud's parent's best efforts to keep them apart. The bike was another painful reminder of the loss Cloud had endured, and he hadn't found the strength to use it much since his beloved's death. However, Cloud now found himself speeding down the road, the tree's surrounding him blurring into one.

Cloud had agreed to meet Leon, the brunette stating that he wanted Cloud to really get a feel of what exactly he and the other Committee members were all about. He pulled up at the stated address, and stared at the building with a slight frown. It was plain, boring and Cloud would have never had guessed that the children of such wealthy families occupied their time there. Setting Fenrir in a little alcove near the building, Cloud walked through, pushing the door open and poking his head inside.

"Hello?"

He was assaulted by a blur which practically threw itself at Cloud, and he staggered back dazed.

"Cloud! Grumpy-gills said he'd talked you into joining us, but I didn't believe him. I mean a_ Strife _part of our little crew? No way, right? We're all from pretty well up families but you're practically royalty. Even if you are a trouble maker, sorry for your loss by the way, in our circles. You could really help us out, ya know. Anyway I'm so glad you made it, Cloud! No idea where that moping sod is, but he's around here somewhere."

Cloud blinked, realising that the babbling blur in front of him was Yuffie - heiress to the Kisagari's chain of businesses as well as one of Tifa's closest friends. Clearing his throat and trying not to sound as overwhelmed as he felt, Cloud tried to level his voice. "Uh, hello there, Yuffie. Who's around where now?"

"You know!" The little inky haired woman was tugging on his hand, pulling him further into the building. "Squall 'it's Leon whilst we're in the Committee' Leonhart, silly! He's usually doing something around here, and he is expecting you so he can't be far. Tell you what though, you agreeing to join us has worked wonders on him. He's been sulking for a while because precious little Rinoa doesn't want to join us. But he's perked up considerably since you're little meeting with him. Well, as perked up as someone with a stick perpetually shoved up his ass and all the social skills of a hermit can ever be."

"Shut up, Yuffie," Leon barked, emerging from a little hallway and smiling briefly at Cloud before turning a cold gaze on the young woman. "You really do just talk far too much."

"It's why you love me!" Yuffie all but sang in response, skipping over to Leon and pecking at his cheek. "Plus it's true. You've been so grouchy since Rinoa told you she wanted no part here, and since speaking to Cloudster you've been far less...you."

"I apologise for her," the growl in Leon's voice was marred by the wry grin on his lips. "Unfortunately getting her own way for the entirety of her life has rendered Yuffie unable to tell when she should just be quiet."

"Oh, suck it, Leon, you know you'd miss me if I were any different."

"Whatever."

Cloud couldn't help the twitch of his lips and the chuckle building in his throat. He was used to seeing both Squall and Yuffie in such stuffy, formal environments where they played their roles as future business tycoons quite well, so to see them both so carefree and openly teasing and laughing with one another made Cloud feel quite happy indeed. It was hard to remember sometimes, in the society they lived in, that they were still all so young. They were forced to grow up so quickly and yet everyone in the room was either nineteen or twenty - still children in some societies.

"I'ma head out," Yuffie all but skipped to the door, picking up a heavy looking leather bag resting against there. "I have my ninjutsu lesson soon."

"Ninjutsu?" Cloud quirked an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.

"Yeah!" The girl grinned and struck a pose. "I'm going to be the greatest ninja you've ever seen." With that she dashed out of the door, a grin on her pretty face and lithe body positively bristling with energy.

"She's certainly unique," Leon muttered, shaking his head slightly. "But she's right; I am glad you agreed to join us."

"Really?" Cloud scratched the back of his head, alternating his weight from one foot to the other, nervously. "Because I don't even know if I'm fit to help myself, let anyone else right now."

Leon shrugged, making a small noise in the back of his throat. "You may not see your potential, but I do. Did you know that between Yuffie and I's future business shares alone, we can make a pretty noticeable dent in our world. Coupled with Cid joining us, and your social influence and current 'notoriety', we can really impact a circle governed solely by money."

"But why me? Why now?" It sounded more like a plea than a question.

"Because," Leon seemed to weight his words carefully. "You inspire us. Your actions, however big or small, don't go unnoticed. Not just in refusing to marry Tifa to be with Zack, but the way in which as much as you obviously loathe everything most of these people stand for, you stick with them in order to stay with your brothers. Those of us that think ...this way have noticed, and we want to become like you."

"Oh," Cloud seemed to think of little else to say. He knew denying his importance would only result in Leon insisting that it was the truth, and they'd go around in circles from there. Instead he opted to satiate his own curiosity. "So why exactly did Rinoa refuse? I thought you two were close?"

Leon seemed to flinch, swallowing hard. "We are. I care about her very much. I would do anything for her, but it seems that the feeling doesn't quite extend both ways. She says that she cares about me, but apparently not enough to defy her parents and risk losing her inheritance."

"I'm sorry," Cloud lowered his head, feeling awkward and horribly guilty. "But take it from me, I know how hard it must be for her, trying to pick between the person she loves and family."

Leon laughed a little, and it sounded tired. "Maybe. Anyway, what's important is that you're here and willing to help us make a positive change, and for that I'm extremely grateful."

oOOo

Roxas had woken up a few hours later, warm sunlight filtering through the window. Sora had stirred beside him, and the twins had groggily come to, waking one another up and grinning childishly at one another. It had been like time had shaved off a few years and they were young children again, cherishing each other's company and still innocent to just how shallow and uncaring the world around them could be. All too soon though, their groggy, sleepy, blissful state had been interrupted by a maids knock to the door, informing them that "Master Cloud has gone out for the day and wishes to inform you of that fact."

So now Roxas was strolling through the grounds, enjoying the sunshine and listening to the birds chirp and chocobo's wark around him. The worst of his hangover seemed to have passed, seemingly slept through the worst of it during his nap with Sora. It was now little more than a mild throbbing in his head, and thanks to the help of a couple of painkillers, Roxas felt almost completely fine.

Sora was lounging on a patch of grass, just in sight, but otherwise Roxas felt completely alone. Which is why the blonde jump in surprise when he heard a voice call after him softly.

"Master Roxas?"

Roxas turned to see Riku, looking more than a little uncomfortable and nervous. "May I talk with you for a moment please, sir?"

"Of course," Roxas cocked his head to the side, eyebrows knitting together. "What's wrong?"

"I know it's not my place to say," Riku gnawed on his lip, and he seemed to be trembling slightly. It struck Roxas that the older boy was nervous about something, "it's about Axel."

"What about him?" Riku's anxiety was catching, and Roxas felt his stomach knot nervously.

"I know you and him...went out last night," Riku looked pained, and it dawned on Roxas that the silver haired boy was terrified of speaking to Roxas like this. He'd been so panicked to even make a joke about Axel in Roxas' presence before for fear of losing his job, and now here he was confronting Roxas. The blonde couldn't help but admire Riku. "And I'm a little worried about him."

"What... what did Axel say, exactly?"

"Oh, nothing bad," Riku began, fingers twitching and face contorting in a pained way. "I'm just worried, that's all. I know it's not my place to say, sir, but if you're not serious about him, or if you think there's a chance you're going to hurt him, can you stop? I've known Axel for a while now, and I can't remember the last time I saw him so into someone. I'm worried it's all going to come tumbling down and he's going to be left to pick up the pieces alone."

"You're right, it's not your place to say," Roxas began, eyes fixed on the floor. It was all so familiar and Riku was echoing the insecurities that Axel himself had voiced the night before. "But I appreciate how much you care about him. I promise that I'm not treating this as just a game. I really care about him."

"Thank you, sir. I apologise for my rude behaviour." Riku bowed, taking a step backwards and glancing behind Roxas. Roxas turned his head to see Sora had risen to his feet, head craned in curiosity as to just what Riku and Roxas could be discussing. Gaze shifting back to Roxas, Riku continued. "Axel told me to tell you, should I see you, that he'll meet you at the usual spot at around ten."

"Thank you, Riku."

Roxas watched as the young stable boy dashed away, a troubled look still fixed on his face. He heard his brother before he saw him; the pounding of feet, the quickening of his breath and the sharp inhalation before he'd begun to talk.

"What did Riku want?"

Roxas turned to meet Sora, a false smile plastered on his face. The brunette seemed a little edgy, and his voice peaked oddly.

"Oh, nothing important," Roxas lied, trying to maintain a bright facade. "He just wanted to discuss Strider. He and Axel have been trying to train him recently, but he's still being a bit stubborn. Riku was just asking my permission to up to regime, considering he's my horse."

"And that was all?" Sora's face seemed to drop for a moment before he collected himself. "He didn't say anything else? Ask about anything else?"

"No," Roxas regarded his brother carefully. "Nothing else."

"Oh, okay," Sora's voice had adopted a slightly dejected tone, as if something had disappointed him. The brunette's pretty blue eyes swept fleetingly over the spot where Riku had stood, before returning to Roxas. A moment later a grin stole over Sora's face and he patted Roxas' shoulder. "Never mind! Let's head back in, I'm starving!"

Roxas allowed his twin to tug him along, feeling slightly bemused as he tried to work out just what was causing Sora to act so strangely today.

oOOo

"So, what happened?"

Namine's voice was bright, and Roxas could picture her now; startling blue eyes wide with excitement, her pretty radiating as she grinned, phone pressed desperately to her ear. She's rung him up, insisting on knowing what had happened, given their last conversation had been cut short. It seemed like much longer than just two days ago, and felt as though a lifetime had passed since Namine had suggested that Roxas' feelings for Axel may be more than platonic.

"Well, then he kissed me too." Roxas glanced at the clock, balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on a pair of thick, warm sweats. He was supposed to be meeting Axel soon, but despite how lovely it had been during the day, a horrible chill had accompanied the night time darkness.

"Oh my God!" Namine let out a delighted little squeal, and Roxas couldn't help but chuckle. "So are you guys dating now?"

"I don't know," Roxas confessed, pacing a little. "I think we're still friends, but I'm meeting him soon."

"I'm so happy for you, Roxas," Namine sounded genuinely delighted, and Roxas wished that his cousin could be here so that they could talk about this face to face. "Do Cloud and Sora know?"

Roxas gnawed on his lip. "Cloud's suspicious, he confronted me before I went out yesterday, but I don't think he knows everything. As for Sora I'm pretty sure he's oblivious, and I intend on keeping it that way. He'll only worry otherwise."

"Oh, Roxas," Roxas could imagine the little frown on Namine's face, the way her head was probably shaking slightly even now. "He's your twin brother; you shouldn't keep secrets from him. Besides, he may be cheerful and sweet, but he's strong. You don't need to protect him; he's perfectly capable of protecting himself."

"I know, but," Roxas trailed off, sighing as he realised the time. "I have to go Nami, he's going to be here soon. I'll talk more tomorrow, okay? I love you."

"Love you too, Rox."

Roxas ended the call, wandering over to the door to flick the lock shut, before peering out of his window. Sure enough Axel was standing below, oblivious to Roxas' presence and shivering violently as he flicked a cigarette from his mouth the floor. It seemed even colder than Roxas had expected, and he hated seeing Axel so affected by the cold. Making a split second decision Roxas ducked his head out of the window.

"Come on up here, Axel."

The red head jumped, lifted his head to greet Roxas before narrowing his eyes. "You sure?"

"It's freezing. Just climb up - but be careful."

Axel nodded, hands searching for something to grip before he began to hoist himself up. A wave of panic assaulted Roxas then, because this was no longer his friend Axel coming into his room, oh no. This was his-crush-Axel-who-he'd-kissed. It made Roxas almost instantly regret the decision to invite Axel in, but by then it was too late, the red-head already tumbling in through the window.

With Axel in his room Roxas was suddenly aware of just how empty his it was; not of furniture, but of personality. Rich chocolate brown carpets, expensive cream rugs, cream walls and beautiful oak furniture. The bed itself had a chocolate brown duvet, with bed sheets made of the finest Egyptian cotton, and pillows stuffed with the softest feathers. Very little of Roxas' own personality was evident in the room; a bookcase lined neatly with all of Roxas' favourite novels, a desk lined with various trinkets that his brothers had bought him, and a single trophy he'd won at a Struggle tournament when he was 15 displayed on a shelf. Other than those few additions, it was though Roxas' room was straight out of a catalogue.

"Hey," Axel shifted uncomfortably, eyes sweeping over the room. "Nice place."

"Thanks."

They paused, staring at each other silently, and Roxas' stomach lurched. It was all so painfully awkward and Roxas felt terribly self conscious. Tears of frustration threatened to form in Roxas' eyes, and he balled his fist. "Look, maybe this was a mistake..."

The look of hurt on Axel's face made Roxas stop and trail off, and he swallowed. "What's wrong?"

"I'm obviously making you uncomfortable," Axel laughed, but it sounded more like a strangled bark. "And you want me to go, so-"

"Please don't," Roxas whined, taking a step forward. "I'm just worried you think last night is a mistake, and that's why everything's so weird, and why Riku came around earlier, and-"

Roxas was cut off by Axel's mouth against his own, the gesture more comforting than anything else. Axel's hands were rubbing smooth circles on his back, warm despite the cool night, and Roxas melted into the kiss, winding his arms around Axel's neck.

"Does that make you feel better?" Axel breathed, emerald eyes sparkling. Roxas nodded, taking a few shaky steps to his bed before sitting down on it, patting a spot beside him in an invitation for Axel join him. The red-head lowered himself beside Roxas, pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to the blondes lips before grinning nervously. It was when Axel's face turned to the light that Roxas gasped.

"The bruise on your face!"

"This?" Axel brushed his fingers against the dark shadow on his jaw. It didn't really hurt, and would fade soon, but as predicted it had purpled significantly since the previous night. "It's fine."

"But I," guilt knotted painfully in Roxas' stomach. "I'm so sorry."

"Honestly, don't sweat it. It looks far worse than it actually is." Seemingly deciding on a subject change, Axel glanced at the expensive wooden desk. "Roxas?" Axel's voice was hesitant, and his fingers twitched. "Just how much money do you actually have?"

"Well," Roxas paused, trying to work out the figures in his mind. "The business empire is worth about a billion dollars, give or take. At least it was the last time I checked. As for personal wealth, I'd say my family probably only has about fifty million, maybe more, maybe less."

Axel seemed to have paled considerably, and a dry, humourless laugh escaped his lips. "Yeah, _only _fifty million. Jesus, fifty million dollars..."

Roxas squirmed uncomfortably and Axel sighed, tugging a hand through his hair.

"I don't know why I'm even trying then, Rox. There is no way in hell I can compete with that. I can't keep you accustomed to your life. I won't be able to afford to take you out on fancy dates to your favourite restaurants. Hell, I probably couldn't even afford a glass of_ water_ at one of those places. There's no way I can spend that kind of money, so I may as well give up now."

"Do you really think I give a shit about any of that stuff?" Roxas growled, smacking the bed hard and making Axel jump. "I thought you of all people know that, Axel. I don't care if you have one dollar or one hundred million dollars. I still care about you. Not maintaining this lifestyle, not expensive date. Just you. But if you're too much of an ass to accept that, and view me as nothing more than a spoilt brat, you can go away now and never look twice at me again."

Axel smirked, leaning in so their faces were scant centimetres apart and tapped Roxas nose with his forefinger. They were so close and Roxas could feel his skin begin to tingle at the proximity. "Have I mentioned how much I love your fiery side? You're so cute when you're mad. It's one of the many reasons I like you so much."

"Shut up."

"Sorry," Axel pecked sweetly at Roxas lips, hand cupping Roxas' cheek gently. His thumb traced Roxas' cheekbone, and Axel pulled back, a wry smile on his face. "Am I forgiven, then?"

Roxas offered no verbal response, opting to instead press his lips to Axel's, fisting his hands roughly in the boys wild red hair. Axel squawked a little in shock at just how pushy the blonde was being, and Roxas took advantage of the newly open mouth to slip his tongue inside and try and coax Axel's to life. This seemed to have a profound effect on Axel, and he pushed Roxas against the bed, rolling the both of them over until Roxas was lying under Axel, chest heaving, and the red head was on top of him, propping himself up with one hand. The other hand found it's was to Roxas' stomach, delighting in the way the shirt had ridden up and exposed new, as of yet untouched skin. Instinctively Roxas wrapped his legs around Axel's waist, moaning at the way this caused a healthy amount of friction for both of them. Roxas was getting very aroused, and from the feel of things Axel was too. It was moving so fast and was so foreign, and yet Roxas wanted nothing more than to continue the friction and feel the taunt smoothness of Axel's body pressed against his.

Axel's hand was hot on Roxas' belly, and it was as though the heat was spreading out from that spot; touching every nerve and prickling across the entirety of Roxas' body. Axel's lips were against Roxas throat placing small, damp kisses to the exposed skin and seemingly relishing in the little squeaks and gasps they drew from the blonde. Electricity seemed to be zipping through his veins, drawing lower and lower so that the culminated in a mass of nerves and excitement at Roxas' crotch. Roxas groaned, fingers slipping under Axel's shirt to dance lightly over that lovely smooth back of his. Axel seemed to twitch and shudder when Roxas brushed just past his ribs, and he made a mental note to remember that spot. The experience was entirely new to Roxas. It was his first real make-out session, and it was on his _bed _with an older _guy_. The hand on Roxas' stomach inched up just a little and Roxas arched into the contact. It was all so _hot _and overwhelming and perfect.

However, it was Axel that pulled away when Roxas' hands shifted to the red-heads belt buckle, unclasping it and moving to the button of Axel's jeans.

"Stop," Axel panted, rolling off of Roxas and onto the bed, a goofy grin splitting his lips.

Roxas blinked in confusion, trying to ignore the way his pants felt uncomfortably tight, and the nervous energy pulsed through him. "Don't you want me?"

"Yes," Axel shifted in discomfort, folding his hands not-so discreetly over his lap. "Of course I do, but I don't want you to regret it."

"What?" Roxas' brain was still foggy and lusty, and his voice sounded impatient. "I won't regret it! It's what I want too."

"Rox," Axel said gently. "It's the day after we first admitted we liked each other, we're on your bed, making out, and on the brink of getting carried away. You'd regret it later. You're still a virgin, right?"

Roxas flushed in embarrassment, scowling slightly. "Yes, what does that matter though?"

"Exactly what I thought," Axel turned his head and kissed Roxas' shoulder lightly. "I want it to be special for you. I don't want you to just jump into bed with me straight away because you're caught up in the excitement of it all. If we were to do anything now, you'd look back on this in the future with regret that just one day after confessing you let me lure you into bed."

"Shut up," Roxas grumbled. He knew deep down that Axel was right, but the contact between them had been fantastic, and he didn't want it to go away. He pouted and closed his eyes, listening to Axel as his ragged breathing evened out. There was a creak from the bed, and Roxas peeled an open to find Axel on his side, staring at Roxas with a soft expression.

"I'm just trying to be responsible," despite his words, Axel leant in closer, kissing the spot where Roxas' neck met his jaw. "Plus your older brother might kill me, should he find out I defiled your innocence. And I do like my genitals in full working order, thank you."

Roxas couldn't help but chuckle, and reached his hand to intertwine his fingers with Axel's. "You're older than he is, I'm sure you can handle him."

"Maybe," Axel pressed his lips to Roxas', and the blonde pushed him back and shifting, so that Axel was lying pressed against the bed and Roxas was straddling his waist, leaning down to continue the kiss. They kissed lazily for a while; tongues gently probing and exploring, but without the sheer heat they'd had just moments ago.

Axel was vaguely surprised at just how good of a kisser Roxas was. Although he was eighteen, Roxas had led a very sheltered life, but the kid had a skilled mouth, and if Axel wasn't trying to calm the situation down a very lewd thought would have reared its ugly (or not so) head.

It was Roxas who broke the kiss this time, eyes blurry and face flushed. He grinned down at the red head pinned beneath him, gave a quick, teasing shift of his hips, resulting in a small, almost pained groan from Axel, before clambering off the red head, collapsing next to him on the bed. Axel wrapped an arm around the blonde, and Roxas tucked himself under it resting his head on Axel's chest. They stayed like that for a while, time losing all meaning, before Roxas felt the rise and fall of Axel's chest even and slow, and a quiet snore escaped the red-head.

Roxas pressed himself closer to Axel, cheek pressed tenderly to his chest. There was something oddly comforting about the way Axel's heart hammered beneath Roxas' ear. A strong, even rhythm reminding Roxas that Axel was real. He was unsure as to why exactly Axel's heartbeat was as comforting as it was, but Roxas knew that whatever the reason, the sound was essential and helped fill the lonely void in his own chest.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Sorry for the delay between chapters – getting work out for Uni has been hectic, and without a computer to type this up on, it's difficult to write/edit this thing. That being said, thank you once again for your encouraging reviews!**

oOOo

Roxas awoke to the sound of light breathing, and unbelievable warmth wrapped around his body. Blinking slowly, Roxas tried to focus, and the softest of smiles stole over his face when he caught sight of the source of both; Axel lay sprawled across the blonde's bed, eyes closed and lips parted just slightly, the bruise on his jaw faded considerably. From his resting place on Axel's chest, Roxas marvelled at the way Axel looked so _young _like this. One of the red heads arms was wrapped loosely across Roxas' body, and the other curled up next to the red-heads face, like the comforting shadow of a now-kicked thumb sucking habit. It took a moment for Roxas to register that yes, he and Axel had spent the night together (non sexually, of course) and that this wasn't some sappy, romantic dream. An idea struck him, something he'd seen in movies and read about in books. At the time they'd seemed like nonsense, but now it was the one thing Roxas wanted to do more than anything.

Gently pushing himself up, Roxas brought his face level to the red-heads, eyes drinking in the sight of his face for a moment, until Roxas lowered his lips to Axel's, pressing lightly.

Axel stirred; body tensing and eyes scrunching up tight for a moment, before eyelids fluttered open and green eyes regarded Roxas sleepily. A flash of realisation seemed to sweep across Axel's face, and his lips quirked slightly, a hand reaching up to weave itself into Roxas' hair and cradle his skull, the movement still heavy from grogginess. The kiss was gentle and chaste, and Roxas felt awash with sweetness over just how tender Axel was being. His hand went to the side of Axel's face, cupping his cheek as if to keep the red-head in place.

Axel pulled away regardless, let out a little moan before wrinkling his nose, smile still in place. "We both have fucking awful morning breath."

Roxas felt a hot blush rise to his cheeks, and shoved at Axel. "You're an ass. I try to do something romantic and-"

"Romance?" Axel interjected, taking Roxas' hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing each finger lightly. "From the way you were trying to rush me into bed last night, I didn't think you were one for grand romantic gestures."

The memory of the previous night in its entirety hit Roxas like a ton of bricks, and he groaned. It was true, lust had swept over Roxas like a tide, and he'd been rutting against Axel like a dog in heat. If Axel hadn't had said no, Roxas was sure that they'd had gone further. It was crazy, really, considering the short amount of time they'd known each other, and the shorter still length of time since their clumsy confession. Yet at the same time, last night Roxas had felt sure that it was what he wanted, and if he was honest, he still felt the same.

At Roxas' lack of reply, Axel tugged him closer, pecking lightly at Roxas' lips before sighing, deepening the kiss. Axel's eyes slipped closed, and Roxas stared at dark red eyelashes for a moment before relenting and returning the kiss.

"I thought I had morning breath?" Roxas panted, leaning back slightly.

Axel wet his lips, chuckling a little. "Fuck it, kissing you is worth it."

The red head tugged at Roxas, pulling him so he was sprawled fully on top of Axel. His lips fastened once again to the blondes, and a smirk formed when his hands went to Roxas' bottom, earning a surprised squeak from the boy. Roxas nipped at Axel in retaliation, a feeling of giddy delight coursing through his veins. The kissed like this for a while, lazily yet still with an underlying intensity. With the weak morning sunlight filtering through the window, the whole thing seemed terribly romantic, and Roxas pulled away, eyes glassy.

"Good morning", his voice had taken on an odd drawl, as though drunk.

"Yeah," Axel laughed, ruffling Roxas' hair, "morning."

Roxas rolled off of Axel, propping himself up with his elbows. "Why do I feel like this is a horrible game? Or a dream that I'll wake up from?"

Axel frowned a little, tilting his head to the side. "What?"

"Oh, you know," Roxas waved his hand in a vague circle. "I'm given anything anyone could ask for, no questions asked, and handed to me on a silver platter. But it never made me...happy. It smothered me, and I knew I was living a lie. But right now... Right now I'm deliriously happy. And being here with you feels right. I have this horrible feeling that you'll leave me. Everyone always does."

"Roxas, I can promise you that I will never leave. I said I would walk away if you left, but that's a different story. As long as you're here, as long as you want me, I will never leave you."

To force back the tears budding in his eyes, Roxas pressed his lips to Axel's with all the emotion he could muster. It was a desperate kiss, an attempt both to thank Axel for being there, but also to crush all thoughts of loneliness and abandonment. Axel's hand went to Roxas' hip, hot and heavy, and caused the blonde's skin to break out into goose bumps.

Roxas moaned a little as Axel's hand inched up, the red-heads mouth opening simultaneously to deepen the kiss, using his tongue to prod gently at Roxas' lips. Roxas obliged, deepening the kiss and moving his hand to Axel's strong, flat stomach. He used his forefinger to trace Axel's belly-button for a moment, before leaving it to follow the thin strip of hair down-down-down. The way Axel gasped and shuddered told Roxas it wouldn't be long before the red-head became too worked up, and that they were dangerously close to becoming carried away again.

Roxas wondered vaguely as to how many people Axel had done this with. Axel was older, and so much more experienced than Roxas. How many other people had Axel kissed like this? How many people had he turned on, leaving them salivating for more? How many others had gotten Axel hot and hard, and fighting for self control?

The thought was both pleasant and unpleasant. The shot of jealous that coursed through Roxas' veins was marred by the thrill that right now, it was_ him_ who was with Axel, and the red-head had promised that things would stay that way.

Axel rolled, taking Roxas with him, so that the older man had the boy pinned beneath him. One hand reached up to encircle Roxas' throat gently, whilst the other gripped almost desperately tight at Roxas' hip.

"R-Rox," Axel's voice was little more than a breathy moan, and his hips were already beginning to thrust in little, involuntary movements. "We need to st-"

"_Roxas?_"

Axel was cut off by the sound of Cloud's voice through the door, accompanied by a light rapping. Both Roxas and Axel froze for a moment, heads snapping to the door which, thank God, Roxas had remembered to lock.

"_Roxas? Open up_."

"Shit," Roxas hissed, scrambling from his place on the bed, eyes darting between the door, Axel, and the window. There would be no way that Axel could bolt out of the window, and down the wall without making a scene, and he knew that Cloud would find a way to get in eventually. "Into the walk-in closet. _Now!_"

Axel jumped to his feet, bolting for the closet and shutting the doors behind him. Had the situation been different, Roxas would have laughed at the hilarity of it all, but given the fact that he was not supposed to be gay (though Roxas hadn't even began to label himself yet - he was still Straight Roxas, mentally, albeit with a liking for red-head men) nor was he supposed to be making out with the stable boy on his bed, he failed to see the funny side.

"_Roxas_!"

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, and straightening himself out as much as he could, Roxas walked over to the door, unlocking it, and tried to greet his brother with a smile when it opened.

"Hey, Cloud. Sorry I took so long to answer, I didn't hear you."

"Right," Cloud raised an eyebrow, pushing past Roxas to go to the younger blondes bed, sitting down and patting the spot beside him. "Well, Mother and Father rang to inform us that they'd be home tomorrow night, instead of tonight. I've cancelled your appointments for today, so I thought I'd let you know that you're free to do whatever you want."

Roxas smiled, joining his brother and trying not to look at the closet. "Thanks, Cloud."

"It's okay," the older Strife brother raised his hand to ruffle Roxas' hair. "I know how essential free time is, and how nice it can be to just have a few hours of normalcy."

"Have you told Sora?"

"No, I figured that I'd let him have a lie-in. I've instructed the staff not to wake him. Though I assumed that you'd already be up. Anyway," Cloud rose to his feet, taking a couple of steps towards the door before pausing to glance back at Roxas. "Breakfast is downstairs, if you want some."

"Thanks, Cloud."

"And Roxas?"

"Yes?"

"Tell Axel that he's free to join us if he wishes, should he choose to exit through the front door. But kindly remind him that we pay him to work, and not to take part in impromptu sleepovers."

Roxas spluttered, earning a small smirk off of Cloud as the older blonde walked away. Roxas was still slack jawed when Axel tumbled out of the closet, clipping his shoulder on the door and rubbing it irritably.

"It's been a long time since I last came out of the closet," the red-head grumbled, hand massaging his shoulder blade. "Last time hurt less too."

"Axel," Roxas voice was hoarse, and he blinked in disbelief. "Did you hear that?"

"Uh, yeah," Axel scratched the back of his head, furrowing his brow. "I think he knows I stayed over last night."

"Oh God," Roxas whined, fisting his hands in his hair. "What if he tells Mother or Father? Shit, what if they fire you? What if-"

"Kid," Axel cut in, moving to stand behind Roxas and wrap his arms loosely around the younger boys waist. "Relax. I don't know the full story, but I know enough about what happened with Cloud and Zack to know that he would never want history to repeat itself with you. Besides, if he was pissed I doubt that he would have let me last this long with fully functioning genitals."

"I suppose you're right," Roxas gnawed on his lip, gaze alternating between Axel and the door. "So what now?"

"Well," Axel purred, nipping gently at Roxas' neck, hold tightening. "We could just hang out? I have the day off, you have the day off. We could go shopping, or go to the fair, or the beach."

"What do you want to do?"

Axel paused, jaw tightening and then relaxing as he mulled over the options. "All of the above. You need some...casual attire if you and I are to make this a regular thing."

"So," Roxas said slowly, dragging the word out. "You want to make this a regular thing?"

"Well I generally don't make a habit of seducing my bosses son unless it's going to be a long term thing."

"Hey!" Roxas made to elbow the older man, but Axel leapt just out of reach, chuckling softly. "Has anyone ever told you that you are a complete and utter ass?"

"Only hot little blondes who ping-pong between hating me and wanting my body."

oOOo

Cloud reclined on a sun lounger, absently watching Roxas' lame Chocobo prance around, attempting to play with the other, healthy birds. Sora, as far as he was aware, was still asleep, and it had been a couple of hours since Roxas had made his way down the stairs, grinning at Cloud sheepishly and ducking his head. He'd shifted nervously under Cloud's gaze when Axel had followed behind, the red-head uncharacteristically nervous. When Roxas had informed him that he and Axel would be heading out for the day a knot of worry had begun to form in Cloud's stomach.

It was beginning to seem horribly familiar. Of course he'd noticed an almost immediate change in his brother since Axel's arrival. Although initially the red-head seemed to create a tension within Roxas that was almost tangible, of late that had subsided, and was instead replaced with an undeniable chemistry between the pair. It reminded Cloud of his ill-fated friendship-come-relationship with Zack, and the thought that Roxas was destined to suffer the same heart-ache that he'd been forced to endure terrified Cloud.

"Master Cloud," a young maid with large, pretty green eyes interrupted Cloud's thoughts, smiling at him sweetly. "You have guests that wish to see you. Shall I send them away due to your parents absence, or do you wish to see them?"

Deciding that he would talk to Roxas later, Cloud shook his head. "No, don't send them away. Please send the guests through."

"Yes, sir."

The pretty maid turned and left, reappearing moments later accompanied by Squall and Yuffie. They made an odd combination; Squall being so sullen and quiet creating a stark contrast with Yuffie's loud, ostentatious behaviour. Though, from what Cloud had seen during his brief introduction to the Restoration Committee the previous day, the pair had formed an unlikely friendship.

"Cloudster!" Yuffie cried, grin wide on her lovely face. "Me and Squall were hanging out and -"

"_Leon_," the brunette interrupted, groaning. "It's Leon. Squall is the person my parents are trying to mould me to be."

"Fine, Captain Grumpy. Me and _Leon_ were hanging out and we thought we'd come say hi to our newest companion."

"I hope you don't mind Yuffie and I's intrusion," Leon said quietly. "We heard through the grape-vine that your parents were out of town, so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to just... hang out."

At Leon's words it suddenly struck Cloud that both he and Yuffie genuinely wanted to just hang out, and for the first time in a long time the realization that people actually wanted his company without gain hit home. It was a painful reminder that at only twenty years old, Cloud had already forgotten and dismissed the notion of sincere friendship, and he wondered vaguely what life would be like if he was a 'normal' guy, and simply hanging out with friends would be the norm.

"No, it's fine," Cloud offered the pair a half-smile, feeling unease thread through his veins.

"Great!" Yuffie wrapped her arms around both Cloud and Leon in an awkward hug, cheeks aglow with excitement. "Both my boys, a parent free mansion and the day to ourselves. Sounds great!"

Then Yuffie released the pair, skipping off in the direction of the stable block, apparently off to hound Riku about something. The young stable boy seemed to jump in alarm, almost dropping the equipment he was carrying, before scurrying off to complete whatever task Yuffie had asked him to do.

Cloud blinked in surprise, before chuckling a little. "Is she always so..."

"Mentally unbalanced?" Leon offered, shaking his head slightly as he stared after the girl. "Pretty much."

"What is she doing?"

"God knows. Yuffie lives impulsively. For the most part she does without thinking, and thinks without doing. It's just who she is." Leon turned to face Cloud, expression sobering. "Look, I came here with a purpose today. I think I owe you an apology."

"An apology?" Cloud asked, frowning. "What for?"

"For using Zack as a method for getting you to join us. I shouldn't have done that. The more I think about it, the more I realise that it was a pretty shitty thing to have done. You lost the love of your life, and I used that. It was awful, and I hope it won't spoil our friendship."

"No," Cloud said, a little taken aback. Leon calling him his friend shocked the blonde, and his words caught in his throat, tripping clumsily from the tongue. "It's fine, I mean. Well, you know, you're right, he - Zack- would have been all for this... organization. I'm not mad at you."

"Good," Leon smiled, and it seemed so genuine and sincere, that it rendered Cloud breathless for a moment. Rarely had he seen someone in their social circle wear such a honest expression, and it almost reminded Cloud of Zack's easy going grin. "I'm glad."

Swallowing in an attempt to make sense of his thoughts, Cloud nodded. "Yeah, me too."

oOOo

Axel hooked the handle of a bag with his finger, swinging it and its contents as he strolled in the sunlight. By his side, Roxas hummed softly, several bags in hand.

Axel had taken him shopping, and for the first time in his life he'd bought whatever he'd wanted. Using the ridiculous amount of money his parents had pre-paid into his bank account (and which, Roxas was sure, they wouldn't even notice was missing), he'd bought close which he actually felt he could be comfortable in. Without his parents there to force him into purchasing his usual formal attire, Roxas bought comfortable jeans, fitted tee's and simple wife-beaters.

Axel had insisted that Roxas try them all on for him first, the red-head happy enough to help Roxas pick out clothes. Initially Roxas had felt painfully self conscious stepping out from the changing room in front of Axel, but the man seemed hypnotised by every outfit change, drinking in the sight of Roxas like his own personal fashion show.

The pair eventually walked away with several new outfits for Roxas, and after much persuasion from Roxas, Axel had reluctantly accepted a gift of a brand new Oathkeeper t-shirt, apparently one of Axel's favourite bands.

Now they found themselves strolling side by side in the warm afternoon sunshine, talking about nonsense and laughing the day away. Midway through conversation, without so much as a verbal warning, Axel outstretched his hand, taking Roxas' and weaving their fingers together. A small blush rose to Roxas' cheeks, spluttering slightly, but he couldn't suppress the grin that stole over his lips.

"So what's the deal with you and Sora?" Axel asked, swinging his and Roxas' joined hands. "I mean, didn't you say you talked to Namine about this, and Cloud obviously has a clue. But you haven't mentioned Sora."

"He doesn't know," Roxas admitted, fingers squeezing Axel's. "Then again, I wasn't aware that Cloud knew the extent of our...friendship until this morning. I told Namine because, well, I can tell her anything at all."

"But aren't you and Sora supposed to have that super close twin-bond?"

"We are close. It's just... I didn't even know my own feelings for you for a long time, and I didn't want to worry Sora. I don't see Namine a lot, she lives so far away, but I know I don't need to worry about her so much. But with Sora... I know that Cloud's been passed over, so it's down to Sora and I to carry on the 'dynasty'. Realistically speaking, we know it's all down to me. But I know that Sora would take the burden if he was worried about me. And he's far to sweet and happy to cope with that."

"Oh, Roxas," Axel shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're only eighteen. You're a kid. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit."

"It's better than allowing Sora to deal with it."

"You know," Axel said slowly, squeezing Roxas' fingers gently. "Sora isn't as vulnerable as you think he is. I get that you want to protect your brother, but he's not a naive little child that needs saving. He lives the same life that you do, he just tackles it in a different way."

"Maybe," Roxas bit his lip, pressing a little closer to Axel for comfort. "No, I mean, I know you're right it's just... Let me put it this way; Sora is an optimist. All our lives we've been surrounded by nannies, friends, even parents who never really cared about us properly. I realised it and accepted that fact, and I know that I'm destined to live a life pretending to be something that I'm not. Sora... has this way of seeing the light in the darkness. He doesn't see that people like Hayner, Pence, Olette, Selphie, Tidus - countless others, are just using him. He's too busy seeing their good qualities to notice they're all just out for personal gain. He still thinks that things will get better. So how could I be selfish enough to drop this bombshell on him? To take away his dreams? I can't. So I take the burden, to make him happy. And I know that if Sora suspected something between you and I that he'd abandon it all to protect me. He'd take every single burden. I can't do that to him, Axel. I just can't."

Axel pulled them to a stop, and for a long moment simply stared at Roxas' face, expression painfully sympathetic. His eyes locked with Roxas', and immediately Roxas was struck by their beauty. In Roxas' mind, Axel's eyes reminded him of grass. It was a laughable simile, but to Roxas it made sense. The colour was so striking that it made him think of lush, open meadows in the middle of summer, and their intensity made him think of warm spring days; comforting and reliable. Had Roxas been a poet, perhaps he'd have likened them to emeralds or something equally predictable, but Roxas was content to let the reminder be grass. Because looking into Axel's eyes he saw those beautiful fields, wide, unfenced. Glowing in colour. And freedom.

The freedom to run and jump, and be whoever he wanted to be.

After a long moment, Axel broke the silence, breaking their link hands to tenderly reach up and cup the side of Roxas' face.

"You are the most beautiful human being I have ever met, Roxas. I hate myself for the time when I actually believed you were nothing more than a spoilt, stroppy brat. I ... I didn't know everything you've been through, and I'm sorry. I can't imagine how lonely you must be, how the pressure of protecting your brothers would hurt you... How you're still so good, so pure, is beyond me. If I was in your situation I'd have become nothing more than a heartless monster by now. But you..." Axel trailed off, pausing in his speech to tenderly place a single kiss to Roxas' lips. "You are beautiful. Look, as long as you need me - as long as you_ want _me, I will be by your side. Whether you want me as a lover, a friend or just a servant, I will be by your side. As long as you want me."

"Spend the night with me again, please?" Roxas' voice was thick and choked, but he tried not to crack under the enormity of Axel's words.

Axel smiled a little. "As long as you want me."

"I want you."

"Then how could I refuse?" Axel linked their hands again, thumb stroking along the back of Roxas' hand. "How do you always bring out this side of me, hmm? I was always known as this cocky, smug, arrogant, sarcastic bastard with a shit-eating grin and poor social skills. Yet you seem to bring out this caring nature in me, and I have no idea how or why."

"Oh," Roxas glanced up at Axel and grinned. "I thought that you were still all of those things."

"Oi," Axel said, shoving at Roxas gently. "Maybe you're not the nice guy I thought you were."

"Well, you're still the asshole I always knew you were."

"Well, aren't you just the loveliest little bitch that ever lived?" Axel pouted, face contorted in an attempt to frown, despite the twitching of his lips hinting at the smile he was trying to force back.

"Only for you, Axel," Roxas laughed, bumping the older man gently. When Axel laughed in return, Roxas felt his heart squeeze in a way that was incredibly pleasant, and his veins seemed to throb with some sort of drug, causing a wonderfully giddy feeling to engulf the blonde. "Only for you."

oOOo

"Meet me upstairs, I'll be there in a minute."

They were stood under Roxas' window, the night already beginning to creep in. They'd walked for hours, not noticing the time until it had already slipped away.

"Okay," Axel pecked gently at Roxas' lips, before hoisting himself up, scrambling towards Roxas' window. The blonde couldn't help but laugh at the sight, and Axel began quietly cussing in retaliation.

Making his way to the front door, Roxas took a deep breath to steady himself and stepped inside bags in tow.

"Hey, Cloud, Sora, I'm home!"

"We're in the lounge!" Sora's cry was accompanied by light chatter, and Roxas was surprised to find that his brothers were not alone when he ducked his head through the door.

All spaced around an antique coffee table, Cloud and Sora were accompanied by two brunettes, who Roxas recognised as Squall Leonhart and Yuffie Kisaragi. All four had cards in hand, and seemed to be in the middle of some sort of game.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware we had company."

"It's okay!" Yuffie chirped, waving her hand a little in Roxas' direction. "We popped over to see Cloudster, but when Sora eventually decided to join the waking world, he came to hang out too. Considering that wanna-be cowboy Irvine is being a pain in the ass about who his sister hangs out with, it's not like we could leave him on his own."

"Oh," it was all Roxas could offer in reply, and he tried to make sense of the situation. He had no idea that Cloud was even on speaking terms with Squall or Yuffie, let alone close enough to warrant random day-time visits. However it wouldn't surprise him if they too, much like Roxas' own 'friends', were using Cloud. Guilt gnawed at Roxas' inside at the last comment, and he felt awful for leaving Sora. Roxas was all too aware that Sora had developed a strong attachment to Kairi over recent weeks, and the fact that her brother was trying to separate them was leaving Sora in a bit of a slump. The realisation that he'd left his twin to spend the day with Axel, leaving virtual strangers to keep him company, made Roxas feel awful.

"Excuse her," Squall's cool voice cut in, the brunette shuffling the cards in his hand. "She forgets her manners sometimes, don't you, Yuffie? Would you like to join us? This games just about to finish, and the next one should be starting in a moment."

"Yeah," Sora added, grinning. "I'm losing horribly. I think these cards are jinxed. Are you sure Riku didn't give you this deck because they're curse and he didn't want 'em anymore?"

"I'm sure!" Yuffie said, chuckling.

"Hmm, I don't believe you," Sora smirked, before turning his attention back to Roxas. "So, you in?"

"Uh, no," Roxas glanced quickly at the stairs, before offering them all an apologetic smile. "I'm really tired, so I'll probably just go to bed."

"Oh, okay." Sora seemed to deflate a little. "Good night."

Squall gave a little nod, and Yuffie waved. "Night, Roxas. Nice meeting you!"

"Thanks."

Roxas made to turn, but Cloud's strong hand fastened around his forearm. Up until now the older blonde had remained silent, but he faced Roxas for the first time. "Hang on a moment," turning back to the others, Cloud rose to his feet. "I need to talk to Roxas for a moment."

Leaving the room and shutting the door behind him, Cloud released his grip on Roxas' arm.

"So, care to tell me what's going on?"

Roxas paled, coughing slightly. "Going on? What do you mean?"

"Don't try and kid me, Roxas," Cloud sighed. "What the hell are you doing with Axel?"

"N-nothing."

"You know that I am fully aware he spent the night with you. Now, I don't know if this is romantic or strictly platonic, but I have eyes. I can see that you two have been growing closer over the last few weeks, and considerably so over the last few days."

"We're just hanging out. I like him, he doesn't judge me. Nor does he use me for societal gain or wealth. He's just Axel and I'm just Roxas as far as he's concerned."

"Alright," Cloud said, features softening as he gazed at Roxas tenderly. "Just be careful, Roxas. I worry about you."

"I know the feeling."

"Well," Cloud groped for the door, pushing it open. "Goodnight, Roxas."

"Night."

As Cloud turned and entered the room, Roxas bolted for the stairway, taking the stairs two at a time. He reached the landing out of breath, and anticipation prickled under his skin. Using his shoulder, Roxas pushed the door open, and his breath plugged in his throat at the glorious sight before him.

Axel was sat on the floor, the lights still switched off, but the window open, bathing the red-head in the moonlight. He looked hauntingly beautiful like this, and Roxas abandoned his bags, stopping only lock his door, and strolled over to the man. Neither of them spoke, but at Roxas' approach Axel widened his legs, allowing the blonde to sit between them. Taking the hint, Roxas lowered himself into place, but instead of having his back to Axel like the red head expected, he sat facing Axel, hooking his legs awkwardly around Axel's body. Wrapping his arms around Axel's neck, Roxas brought their mouths together, relaxing a little when he saw Axel's eye's close.

Axel parted his lips slightly, but made no further move to deepen the kiss. Instead he left that up to Roxas, allowing the blonde to take control. Cautiously, Roxas slipped his tongue into Axel's mouth, brushing Axel's experimentally to coax it into action. Obliging, Axel gently mirrored the movement as his hands went to the small of Roxas' back, pressing the teen closer. Responding to the movement, Roxas used his weight to push Axel onto his back, breaking the kiss only to shift out of his awkward position. As soon as they had both gotten more comfortable, Roxas returned to the kiss, sighing in content. Axel eventually broke the kiss, pushing Roxas at arm's length before settling them both down, flat on their backs and facing the nights sky.

They lay like that; Roxas tucked under Axel's arm, window opened wide so that they were staring at the nights sky, the moon and glittering stars the only source of light. Roxas could almost imagine that they were lying on the grass, and not his bedroom floor, and it felt beautifully surreal and dreamy.

"Did you know that there are certain parts of the worlds that believe different things about the stars?" Axel raised his arm, pointing to a cluster of blinking lights that resembled two lions reared up on their hind legs. "Some worlds say that the great king's of the past watch over us from the stars, serving to guide and protect us when we need it most." His hand moved to another group of stars, this time in the shape of a man flexing his muscles. "Others say that once you've become a hero, not by the size of your strength, but by the strength of your heart, you can earn your place in the stars amongst the God's"

"And then there's Kingdom Hearts," Axel's voice dropped., becoming low and sad as his hand drifted to what looked like an incomplete heart in the stars. "Some believe that we've lost our hearts, and we must struggle to get them back before we can experience true emotion. That we're all incomplete beings. Nobodies. They believe that Kingdom Hearts will allow us all to gain our hearts once it's completed. But until then we're all just heartless shells, never able to experience true joy. The problem is the stars never make a complete heart, and so Kingdom Hearts will never be finished."

Roxas gazed at the stars, hand pressed against Axel's chest and taking comfort from the strong, steady beat he found there. "What do you believe?"

"I believe that the stars are stars," Axel pulled Roxas closer, eyes still fixated on the flickering lights. "I think that they can be anything you want them to be. A way of remembering lost loved ones and seeking guidance when needed most. Or a way of trying to better yourself to become who you were destined to be. Or a beacon of hope that maybe one day you can finally become whole, and find exactly what you've been searching for."

"Make love to me, Axel."

"What?" Axel sat up, staring at Roxas' face in the moonlight.

"Make love to me," Roxas said again. "I know yesterday you said things were going too fast, but it feels right. I want to. Please. I know it's fast, but _please_."

"This is insane," Axel rose to his feet, taking Roxas' wrist gently to tug the blonde with him. "It's only been days since... Well, you know. If I was someone else, if the situation was different, you wouldn't be saying this."

"Because I don't want anyone else, I want you. Which is why it feels right. So can we? Please?"

"Okay" Axel muttered finally, running a finger along Roxas' wrist. "Okay, it's crazy, but come on."

"Really?" Roxas asked, grinning. "We can do this?"

"Yeah," Axel said softly, hoisting Roxas up and planting a single, simple kiss against the blondes lips. "Do you have any lube?"

"No," Roxas averted his gaze, thankful for the dim light so that he could conceal his blush. "I have a few lotions and such for skin, though."

"That'll have to do," Axel let out a little chuckle, hands moving to squeeze Roxas' bottom. Roxas groaned a little, lifting his hips to grind them against Axel's. He could already feel his own arousal building - being around Roxas seemed to have this effect, rendering him hot and bothered for the teen. Yet at the same time he wanted to make sure that this was right for Roxas too. "Are you one hundred percent sure about this?"

"Yes," Roxas kissed Axel's neck in affirmation, nipping gently at the skin as he rotated his hips against Axel's. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

oOOo

Time passed strangely for Roxas. Every touch was entirely unfamiliar, and yet it felt completely and utterly right. He was vaguely aware of Axel undressing him, of him undressing Axel in return. He could hazily recall the embarrassment mixed with lust at the sight and realisation that they were both very naked. Somewhere in the fog of his memory he could recall Axel whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he tried to prepare Roxas, telling him over and over just to relax.

But what Roxas remembered with perfect clarity was the one-ness. The yelp of pain, Axel's patient attempts at staying perfectly still to allow Roxas to grow accustomed to the new sensation. Until what had been painful suddenly felt okay. And then what had felt okay suddenly felt wonderful, causing every nerve in Roxas' body to become hypersensitive as he choked out mangled attempts at Axel's name.

It was real, it was awkward and it was beautiful. Nothing existed besides Axel and Roxas, and the passionate embrace they shared.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**I apologise again for the lengthy delay between chapters. I've got my finals though, and so finding the time to write is difficult. However, feel free to follow me on either of my tumblrs - wistfuldreamer (personal) or leahmariewrites (writing blog), and I will try and keep you guys posted via my blogs. As always thank you all for your reviews, and constructive critism is welcomed.**

**oOOo**

"Roxas, is everything okay?"

Roxas glanced up from his cereal, offering Sora a warm smile in response. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" Sora stabbed at a slice of bacon on his plate, spearing it on his fork and lifting it, hovering just below his mouth. "You've been somewhere else all morning. You can tell me anything you know. Anything."

A light blush rose to Roxas' cheeks, but he fought it down. Roxas and Axel had woken side-by-side in the early hours of the morning, and Roxas had experienced the joys of morning sex. Reluctantly, Axel had slipped out of Roxas' window before anyone in the house woke, but it was proving difficult to keep the smile off of Roxas' face. Cloud had said nothing all morning, but Sora seemed to sense the change in Roxas' attitude, and had taken to pestering the young blonde.

"I'm fine, Sora," Roxas said to his twin with a sigh. "Honestly."

Sora frowned a little, chewing on the slice of bacon before reaching for his red coffee mug - the same shade of Axel's hair (which, Roxas thought with a growing blush, was actually_ natural_). "Why does it feel like you're keeping things from me lately? We're twins. We're supposed to share everything."

Roxas gnawed on his lip, trying to ignore the way his stomach knotted painfully with guilt. Sora's face seemed so dejected, and it physically hurt Roxas to know that Sora felt hurt by Roxas' secrecy.

"I know, Sora," Roxas said finally. "I'm sorry if I seem... distant of late. It's nothing, I promise. We can hang out today, if you'd like?"

"Sure!" Sora beamed, blue eyes sparkling. "I forgot to tell you, didn't I? After we were done playing cards last night, Squall started talking to me about Kairi, asking if I missed her. So of course I said I did, and it turns out, he knows her older brother. So right there and then Squall rings up Irvene, speaks to him, and agrees to let Kairi come over and hang out some time. Isn't that great?"

Hearing the elation in his twins voice, Roxas couldn't help but smile. "That was very kind of Squall."

"Squall, is a nice guy," Cloud mumbled, eyes scanning over the paper in his hand. Roxas looked at his brother, but the older blonde refused to meet his eye, leaving Roxas with the sinking (and painfully embarrassing) feeling that Cloud_ knew_. "He does without expecting anything in return. A rare quality for someone of his status."

Sora nodded, a smile playing on his lips. "I like him. Yuffie too. They seem to like you a lot too, Cloud. It's nice that you've got people like that for friends."

Cloud blinked, eyes leaving the paper to look at Sora oddly. "Huh, friends. Yeah, I guess they are my friends."

Roxas swallowed, trying to keep his voice neutral when he spoke. "I wasn't aware that you knew them that well until I saw them here last night."

"Yes, well you should know that you can be_ very _close to someone without being _too_ vocal about it, Roxas." The smirk twitching at the corner of Cloud's lips told Roxas that his brother was far from angry, but it also told him that Cloud was more than aware of everything.

Dipping his head in mortification, Roxas concentrated on spooning as much cereal as he could into his mouth, ignoring Cloud's smug grin, and Sora's confused and questioning gaze.

oOOo

Axel looked up from the mare he was grooming to the other side of the room where Riku was sweeping. The atmosphere between the two had been thick ever since Axel had strolled into work, and Riku's heavy gaze and gloomy expression were beginning to kill Axel's buzz. The red-head had been floating on high, memories of the night before constantly replaying like a film on loop in his mind, sending electricity shuddering through his veins.

"Look, you can't keep ignoring me," Axel said, rising to his feet and dusting himself down. He took a few steps towards his friend. "Talk to me."

"You had sex with him, didn't you?" Riku's voice was sharp, and Axel rolled his eyes.

"Hey, don't start this crap, Riku. Jumping down my throat all the time. Besides, since when did my sex life concern you?"

Riku took a step forward, reaching a hand out to tilt Axel's head to one side. From that angle, the white-blonde had a clear view of several purpling marks adorning Axel's throat. Axel slapped Riku's hand away, shaking his hair to cover his neck as much as it could.

"You haven't slept in your own bed for two nights. What the _fuck_ are you _doing_, Axel? He's an eighteen year old kid. He's your bosses son. And now you're having sex with him? Unless those love-bites just magically found their way to your skin."

Axel's cheeks darkened and he averted his gaze. "Don't treat me like I'm a naughty school boy. We're both consenting adults. So what if we were raised in different circumstances? I like him, he likes me. We're just doing what anyone else would do."

"But you're not just anyone else, Axel!" Riku hissed. "It's a whole different world. The way he was brought up is so... so unlike the 'real world'. He's been raised to be this perfect upper-class being. All his life he's been groomed to be little more than the leader of a business empire. He's not supposed to be dating. He can't just do that. Image is everything in his world - have you not heard about what happened to Cloud? You could end up getting really hurt."

"Look Riku," Axel said softly, almost like a plea. "I know you're trying to look out for me, but stop. This is not the first time I've had to try and justify this to you."

"You're insane! This whole fucking thing is insane. Do you really think that when push comes to shove, Roxas is going to pick you over the business empire worth millions of dollars that Mommy and Daddy are going to leave him? No, of course he's not. He's going to get himself a little _wife_, probably a _girl_ of equal social standing, knock her up after a few obligatory fucks, and carry on the Strife dynasty. You think after seeing what Cloud went through, Roxas is going to do the same? Seeing his brother shunned and practically outcast? Do you really think Roxas would condemn himself to the same fate? I sure as hell know that I wouldn't if I was in his shoes."

"You don't even know him," Axel spat, eyes glowing with rage.

"So let me guess - you're gonna tell me that he's different, right? That you two are going to live this perfect life and everything's going to turn out just great? This isn't a fairytale, Axel. Shit like that doesn't happen in the real world."

"What the hell is your problem, Riku?" Axel's voice was a low growl, and his chest heaved. "Do you have some sort of uncontrollable instinct to bring me down when I'm happy? You're supposed to be my fucking _friend_, but instead of supporting me, you're tearing me apart. Don't you think I know all that? Don't you think I know that we'll probably never be together properly? I am so _fucking_ aware that we are two completely different people, and that this will never work. But you know what? There's this spark in me telling me that it's right. That this might just work out after all, so I try and keep that going, because I fucking like the kid, and he likes me, so this hope is all I have to hold on to. And you - you keep snuffing it out, and reminding me of just how_ shitty_ this thing will probably end up being."

"Axel, I," Riku faltered, eyes suddenly soft. "I didn't think... I didn't know that's how you felt. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well now you do," Axel swallowed, turning back to the mare and picking up a brush. "So, whatever."

There was a long, insufferable silence, and Riku waited until the last wave of tension had rolled off of Axel until he spoke again.

"Axel, I am genuinely sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It's none of my business."

"You're right," Axel sighed, patting the horses neck. "It is none of your business."

oOOo

Roxas watched as Sora tossed a stick to Chocobo, giggling in delight when the bird would limp after it and bring it back to him. Something about the way Sora tossed his head back in laughter made Roxas feel awash with warmth.

"You know he's not a dog, right?"

Sora turned to his twin, rolling his eyes. "Try telling him that. He acts more like a dog than a chocobo, the way he follows you around."

"What can I say, I have a way with birds."

"Of course you do," Sora said dryly. "It's not exactly like they're your area of expertise."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Roxas whined, smacking lightly at Sora's arm.

"Nothing," Sora said, grinning. "Only that you're hardly an expert when it comes to dating girls."

"Whatever," Roxas smirked. "Speaking of birds, please explain to me just what is going on with Kairi? Because initially I thought you saw her as little more than that annoyance who tried desperately to dress you up like a marshmallow, but now you seem to be pining after her company an awful lot."

Sora spluttered, apparently so taken aback by Roxas' statement that he didn't even move when Chocobo barrelled into him.

"She's nice," Sora muttered, skin darkening. "And she's easy to talk to. She just has this really pure heart, you know? It sort of just radiates good-ness. She reminds me of Namine, in this really weird way I just can't place."

Roxas couldn't help but feel stung at the words. He found it difficult to believe, given his past experience, that Kairi's affections could be sincere, and so hearing her being compared to his beloved cousin seemed almost blasphemous. But Roxas could see how happy Kairi made Sora, and his adoration for his brother made him say nothing.

"So you _like_ her?" Roxas asked, reaching a hand out to pat Chocobo's head. The bird leant into the touch, nuzzling his owner in delight.

"I don't know," Sora confessed, scratching his arm nervously. "It's complicated. There are other factors involved, and I don't even understand it myself. Kairi's nice, but it's not as easy as that."

"Yeah," Roxas said wistfully. "It never is."

"What?"

"Nothing," Roxas forced a smile. "Just thinking aloud, that's all. You'll think of something, Sora. You're destined to be the happy one."

"What?" Sora's face fell, and he reached out a hand to squeeze Roxas'. "What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to say that you're unhappy?"

"No," Roxas pulled away, forcing a smile. "It's nothing, okay? Just forget it."

Sora's eyes lingered on Roxas, concern evident, but the blonde tried to shrug it off. It was a long moment before Sora sighed, relenting to the fact that Roxas would not elaborate on what he meant, and spoke.

"Come on then, let's go do something to... take our mind off of things."

"Yeah, okay."

oOOo

The afternoon sunlight pooled through the window, and Roxas let out a contented sigh as he curled tighter into the sheets of Axel's bed. His parents would be home in a matter of hours, and Roxas had taken the opportunity to sneak out and see Axel. The red-head had finished his shift early upon Roxas' arrival, stating that Riku could finish the last two hours alone, considering that he "owed him one", and the pair had ended up in the little apartment Axel and Riku shared. It had been the first time Roxas had entered the staff complex, but before he'd even had time to think he found himself tumbling into bed with Axel.

Now he lay next to the red head, just watching him regain control of his breathing, as the warm air cast a dozy spell on the afternoon.

"How many people have you been with, Axel?"

"What?" Axel spluttered.

"It's a simple enough question; how many people have you been with?"

"Well," Axel shifted uncomfortably, the crisp sheets clinging to his bare chest as he moved. "There's Larxene, Marluxia, a one night stand with a red-head with some sort of geographical name, and might I add that unlike myself, he was _not_ a natural. One very aptly named Paine, and then you. Why'd you wanna know?"

Roxas shrugged, pretty blue eyes tracing the patterns on the ceiling. "No particular reason. It just interests me."

"They don't matter, you know," Axel paused to trail a slim finger across Roxas' shoulder, pausing slightly at the blotchy hickeys peppered across perfect skin. "You matter, a lot."

Something in Axel's tone caught Roxas' attention, and he tilted his head to the side. "Is something wrong?"

Axel sighed, raking a hand through wild red hair before offering Roxas a half smile. "Riku and I got into a fight, that's all. No big deal, I don't even care."

"You're lying," Roxas paused, eyes flickering across Axel's face. "You're upset, don't act like you're not."

"Fine," Axel rolled his eyes, tracing his hand along Roxas' ribs. "He knows the true extent of whatever the hell this actually is, and he's not happy. He basically told me that all of this is going to come crashing down around us, and everything will turn to shit. It's just made me feel understandably crap, because... Well, just because."

Every instinct in Roxas screamed at him to say something then and there; to tell Axel that it would all be okay, because somehow the red-head had already embedded himself deep into Roxas' heart, and his place in Roxas' life was as essential to the blonde as breathing. He wanted to tell Axel that something powerful and nonsensical stirred deep inside him every time he so much as thought of the red-head, and how it frightened Roxas just how imperative to Roxas' existence Axel had become in such a short space of time.

But Roxas couldn't bring himself to say it. Couldn't string the words together and spit them out, because he knew that even if he said them it wouldn't change anything. Because he had that sinking feeling deep in his chest. The feeling that after spending his life miserable and pretending, the likelihood of something positive staying in his life was slim to none. Not only that, but he knew from experience that things like _this _just didn't work out. He'd seen what had happened to Cloud and couldn't promise Axel that things would work out for them.

So Roxas said nothing, because he knew that if he confessed all the feelings that were swamping him, no matter how true, it couldn't guarantee that everything would work out.

It felt like an age before Axel broke the silence, clearing his throat and shifting closer to Roxas. "This feels sort of surreal, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, kind of," Roxas admitted, hand moving to roam Axel's back. Axel's back had become a source of great fascination for Roxas, and he was entranced with the way the smooth, taunt skin felt under his fingertips when the muscles rolled. "A week ago I couldn't even make sense of my feelings for you, yet here we are."

"Yeah," Axel said softly. "Here we are."

"Who'd have thought I'd end up losing my virginity to the stable boy?" Roxas chuckled.

"Who'd have thought you'd then go on to have sex with said stable boy three times in a twenty four hour time period."

Roxas flushed, and a devilish smirk stole over Axel's lips.

"Shut up, asshole."

"You love it," Axel's smirk subsided, morphing into something more sober. "We should really get dressed, your mom and dad will be home soon, and I've been summoned to see them."

At this, Roxas paled considerable, jolting upright. "What? Fuck, they know, don't they? They know. Oh god, what are they going to do to you?"

"Relax," Axel cupped the side of Roxas' face, sweeping his thumb across the teens cheekbone. "They don't know shit, and even if they did I'm a big boy, I can handle myself. It's something to do with some sort of event, or something. Riku's been asked to join too, so chill out."

"You really are such an ass," Roxas hissed, clambering out of the bed to rise to his feet, stretching. He pulled on his discarded boxers, letting out a long sigh as he did so. "So, what now?"

Axel understood the implication of Roxas' words, and he seemed to weigh them for a moment. "If you want to continue, we can make this shit work. But like I said before, I won't chase you."

"And like I said before, I won't walk away."

"Then it looks like we're just going to have to be careful," Axel rose to his feet, tugging on a pair of sweats that had been thrown over a chair, and wrapped his arms around Roxas. "Very careful."

oOOo

His parents were barely home an hour before they summoned Roxas and his brothers downstairs for a "meeting" in the lounge.

Axel was already standing in the far corner when Roxas arrived, the red head flanked by Riku and several other nameless and faceless members of staff. He caught Axel's eye briefly, and Roxas had to bite back the urge to grin like a cheshire cat.

Taking a seat next to his brothers, Roxas waited for his parents to begin whatever it was they had to say.

"We will be hosting a function in one week's time," their father began, pacing the floor slightly. "It will be held in the house, and some of the most influential families will be attending, so you need to make sure that you're all on your best behaviour."

"Those staff in attendance tonight," their mother continued, shooting them a quick glance. "Will be offered the chance to work for this event. Some of you are not experienced waiters, however you've earned our trust, and you're aesthetically pleasing. Two qualities we need for such an event. You will be given coaching by other members of staff on how to present yourselves properly, and of course you'll be paid double-time."

"We expect you _all_ to give the Strife family a good name, and so you must be on your best behaviour. Anything less will be considered a punishable offence," then, with the quick wave of dismissal that was intended both for the sons and the staff, "that is all."

Roxas didn't know whether to be nervous, terrified, delighted, or all three.

oOOo

The week dragged by strangely, as though the concept of time itself had been broken. With his parents return, Roxas no longer had the privilege of sneaking off to see Axel whenever he pleased, and instead the hours ticked by slowly as he and Sora were forced to attend lessons, functions and any other social gatherings that ate up their lives. Yet at the same time the days bled into one another, and Axel would find himself outside of Roxas' window for their nightly rendezvous after seemingly no time at all.

Oddly enough, Axel found himself craving Roxas' company more and more with each passing minute. It was as though the teen had embedded himself within Axel's very being, and the red-head was beginning to find Roxas' companionship as essential as breathing himself. He couldn't understand how a little brat could make him lose his mind so easily and so quickly, but already the notion of life without Roxas was unbearable. The intensity of these emotions terrified Axel, but when he saw Roxas - when he was kissing him, or tracing the blondes flesh with expert fingers, those worries seemed to momentarily melt away. Roxas ignited a hungry, all-consuming fire without Axel, that made the red-head want to catch and burn until they were both panting, exhausted messes.

Things were still tense between him and Riku, and Axel was pretty sure it was because Riku was voicing the exact thing that Axel was thinking. He hated the reminder that the likelihood of things ending happily for him and Roxas was slim to none, and it made him bitter towards Riku for stating that opinion. Regardless, he and Riku were friends and colleagues, so when the day of the function finally arrived, they awkwardly helped one another with ties, and general presentation issues.

He was being thrown head first into Roxas' world, and Axel was utterly terrified.

oOOo

"Roxas," the Strife patriarch had dragged his son aside early on in the party, and though he was scrutinizing his son intently, he seemed adamant on keeping him close by. "The Lockharts have arrived, and whilst I will be talking business with the head of the family, and your mother with the mother, that leaves us with a slight problem. For obvious reasons, the eldest daughter, Tifa, is not attending, which leaves Xion Lockhart on her own. We cannot allow this, and it's up to you to escort her around this evening."

Nodding because he had very little choice in the matter, Roxas allowed himself to be navigated through a throng of people and into the dining room, which had been ceremonially altered for the occasion.

Roxas spotted Xion immediately, stood in the corner of the room by her father's side, fingers twitching nervously. Her short, silky black hair was pushed to one side in tight, inky curls. She was dressed in a simple fitted royal blue dress, which fell to her knee's, revealing slender calf's. All in all, Roxas thought she looked very pretty, yet there was something out of place about it all. Roxas imagined that the girl would probably look much better if she wasn't preened and primped, and her natural, sweet beauty was allowed to shine through.

Under his fathers guidance, Roxas was led to the young girl, who greeted the blonde with a small, nervous smile, her eyes never quite meeting his.

"Roxas, you remember Xion Lockhart?" His father placed his hand on the small of Roxas' back, pushing him towards the girl.

"Of course I do," Roxas took Xion's hand, bowed and placed an obligatory kiss against the back of her hand. When he straightened he addressed her father, extending a hand to shake his. "Mr Lockhart. It's a pleasure to see you both again."

"Likewise. I trust you can look after my daughter and keep her company whilst your father and I talk?"

"Of course he doesn't mind!" The Strife patriarch cut in, clapping a strong hand on Roxas' shoulder. The way his father's fingers squeezed Roxas' skin bruisingly tight told Roxas that whether he minded or not, he didn't have a choice in the matter, and Roxas bit back the urge to shake free of his father's grasp.

"It would be my pleasure," Roxas said, voice dripping like honey. At this, his father's hand left his shoulder, and Roxas tried to ignore the way his shoulder throbbed. "We'll leave you two be, and don't worry Mr Lockhart, your daughter is in capable hands."

With that, Roxas beamed at the young girl, motioning her to follow him with a little nod of his head. She bit her lip, before following Roxas, and it was only when they were out of earshot from their parents, lost in the throng of guests, that she spoke.

"I'm sorry if I'm burdening or annoying you, Roxas."

Roxas stopped, taken aback by her statement and the genuinely_ sad _way she said it. He looked at her for a moment, really looked at her, and saw something that made his heart twitch painfully. She looked so lost and small, and her eyes, though still directed at the floor, had a look of utter hopelessness and fright that made Roxas want to hug her tightly and never let her go. Her entire being screamed that she was little more than a frightened child - dressed up to be used as a thing of show, and not her own person, and Roxas' stomach twisted.

Although this society had rendered him cynical and bitter, Roxas was not blind. He could see how utterly uncomfortable and broken the young girl seemed, and he quickly realised that this world was as cruel to her as it was to him.

"Don't say that," Roxas said, hand reaching out to take Xion's and squeeze it gently. "I would love your company this evening."

The effect this seemed to have on her entire being was magnificent, and she smile was dazzling. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Roxas smiled, fingers leaving Xion's. "You look very pretty tonight."

Roxas would have noticed the blush that practically illuminated the young girls face, had it not been for the flash of red in his peripheral vision, and the sound of a scoff. His eyes darted to the blur, and sure enough, Axel stood there, lips curled up in an almost-sneer, dressed in a waiters dress shirt and pants, with his hair pulled back. Trying not to both smirk and roll his eyes at Axel's apparent jealousy, Roxas returned his attention to the pretty brunette at his side.

Sora and Kairi were laughing and talking quietly nearby, and gently tugging Xion in their direction, Roxas smiled. "Shall we join them?" He asked, inclining his head at his brother and guest.

Xion looked a little overwhelmed, but nodded regardless, and allowed herself to be gently led in their direction. Once there, the four teens made light conversation, and it wasn't long before the awkward icy barrier had begun to thaw, and they were exchanging jokes and tales.

Sora himself was busy retelling some farfetched tale about a dog, a duck and mouse saving the universe, and his three companions would frequently interrupt the story to chuckle at it's pure ridiculousness. Kairi, in particular seemed amused, and her musical laughter floated across the room. When Sora finally finished his odd tale, the pretty red-head placed a delicate kiss on Sora's cheek and told him that his mind was a beautifully strange place. Whatever Sora might have said in response was swallowed by the clattering of a tray, and Roxas turned to see Riku trembling, face contorted with some unreadable emotion, and the platter he was carrying at his feet. Almost immediately the boy collected himself, horror sweeping over his face, and attempted to clear the mess as best he could. Bowing in an awkward apology, face red and eyebrows knitted together in an odd mixture of mortification and pain, the white-blonde raced off in the direction of the kitchen.

Sora's eyes followed the retreating boy, lips pulled downwards in an expression of pure sympathy, but Roxas was focused entirely on Axel. The red-head seemed torn as to what to do for a moment, alternating his gaze between the kitchen, the spot where Riku had dropped the tray, and Roxas. Apparently deciding to follow his friend, Axel slipped off, casting one long look back in Roxas' direction. Roxas was surprised to find that Axel's gaze swept passed him, and instead locked on his twin, before Axel then too disappeared into the kitchen.

"Do you think he's okay?" Kairi asked quietly, her voice thick with concern. Roxas found himself surprised at her tone, because as far as he could tell the emotion seemed genuine, as though she actually cared for Riku's wellbeing.

"I hope so," Sora said, gnawing his lip. "I don't know why Father insisted that he and Axel wait tonight, he knows they're stable hands, not waiters. He just wanted to save money. Not to mention they're both 'aesthetically pleasing'."

"Do you think he'll get into trouble?" Once again, the concern in Kairi's voice felt too real to be false, and Roxas found himself thinking that perhaps Kairi was not like most of the people in this room, and perhaps she was more similar to Roxas and Sora than he initially thought.

"I hope not," Sora paled considerably, voice rising in pitch. "Riku's done nothing wrong, it was just an accident."

"Don't worry, Sora," Roxas cut in, placing a comforting hand on his twins shoulder. "If Mother and Father say anything, which they_ won't_, I'll just say it was my fault, and that I bumped into him. They wouldn't fire him for something so minor, anyway."

Lifting her pretty head, Xion hazarded a comforting smile. "He'll be fine. And if anything happens, I'll speak to Daddy, and he may be able to change your fathers mind."

Blinking, Sora seemed momentarily taken aback, before a soft smile stole over his face. "Thank you, Xion."

Nodding her head slightly in acknowledgement, Xion's nervous smile grew a little. "You're welcome."

Placing a hand on Sora's shoulder, Kairi looked around the small group. "Everything will be okay, I'm sure. For now let's just enjoy ourselves, okay?"

With a murmur of mutual agreement, Roxas found himself confused as to how an event he was so accustomed to loathing, had someone thrown up so many little character surprises.

oOOo

Cloud cradled a champagne flute in his hand as he watched his brothers with their companions, something strange twisting in his stomach. Whilst Sora's affection for Kairi were obviously genuine and the need to be near her was uninfluenced, for the most part, by their parents, Cloud wasn't so sure when it came to Xion and Roxas. He didn't trust the way that his parents seemed so adamant on making Roxas spend time with her, after all she was Tifa's younger sister, and something about the entire situation just got to Cloud.

"Nice party."

Cloud's thought process was interrupted by a low, smooth and familiar voice behind him. Turning to face Squall, Cloud hazarded a smile.

"Thanks, I did it all myself."

"It's fabulous, really. Just the type of thing that the committee encourages."

"I'm glad, it was all for your benefit. Impressing the committee leader is sure to earn me brownie points, right?"

A low chuckle. "Yes, of course. In fact, I feel like I should make you honorary co-leader."

"Why thank you, Mr Leonhart. I'm sure our parents would be delighted at this alliance."

Leon laughed a little more openly at that, taking a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and leaning against the wall next to Cloud.

The blonde glanced at him before his eyes scanned the room. "No Rinoa tonight?"

"No," Leon took a sip of champagne and let out a little breath. "I think we're over."

"What? Why?"

"She wants no part in the committee, and she wants me to leave. She doesn't see how important this is to me that we make a positive change for the future. The older we've got the more she seems to follow her parents idealistic views. It's sad, but I think it's been a long time coming. I'll always love her a bone deep way, but she's no longer that sweet young girl who'd fight for what is right, instead of just accepting what was easy."

"I'm sorry, that must be tough."

"I guess. I'm at two sides about it all. Deep down I want to believe that she'll return to her sweet former self, but money corrupts. I'm not willing to invest my time into a friendship that's going no-where when I could be using it to do something valuable."

"Regardless, if you need anyone to talk to and take your mind off of things, you know where I am. We are friends now," Cloud paused, eyes drifting over to his brother. "That was a very nice thing you did, calling up Irvine to allow Kairi to hang out with Sora."

"It's nothing. Your brother seems like a nice guy, and he deserves to be happy. Besides, I've known Irvine for a while, so it was nothing major."

"Dammit Leon, just take the thanks, okay?"

Laughing, Squall nodded. "Sure, whatever, Spiky."

Cloud froze, the blood flowing through his veins chilling to ice. "What did you call me?"

Frowning in confusion, Squall motioned to Cloud's hair. "Spiky, you know, with your hair being one of the wildest manes I've seen. It's so...well, spiky. Thus the nickname." Squall paused. "Is something okay? You look like you're going to be sick."

"Zack used to call me Spiky," Cloud said quietly. "It was just a shock, that's all. It sounded so organic coming out of your mouth that it threw me."

"Shit," Squall hissed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay," Cloud swallowed. "It's just so... strange to hear it coming from you. It sounds so natural."

"Cloud, like I said, I'm so sorry."

"No," Cloud said firmly. "Don't be. There's no need. You did nothing wrong. I over-reacted, that's all."

Cloud tried to ignore the dull ache rooted deep in his chest as he swayed Leon onto a different topic. Something about being called a nickname that once belonged to someone so personal to him made Cloud's heart clench painfully, yet at the same time it stunned him how naturally it seemed to spill from Leon's tongue. It should have sounded foreign, coming from someone who wasn't Zack, but instead it sounded right. As though Leon and Zack both shared the rights to that nickname. It frightened Cloud, because the idea that anyone could be similar to Zack seemed impossible.

But he couldn't deny that Squall and Zack were similar. Both came from military backgrounds, both were eager to help others, and both carried this aura of pure, genuine strength.

Cloud couldn't help the anxiety that continued to thread through his veins for the rest of the night.

oOOo

Roxas has spent much of his evening dancing with Xion, whilst Sora waltzed with Kairi. When Xion was eventually summoned to leave, Roxas thanked her for an enjoyable night, and for once in his shallow existence, actually meant it. Even Kairi's company had been nice, and though experience had taught him to be wary, he found himself liking her, and he was glad that she made his twin so happy.

As the night drew on, Roxas found himself almost completely alone. Cloud, for the most part, was chatting with Squall, and Sora was still preoccupied with a pretty young red head. Which left Roxas hankering for his own.

As fate would have it, Axel felt the same, because when he was strolling around the party in search of his lover, Roxas suddenly felt Axel's hot hands grab his wrist, and he was tugged into a nearby walk-in closet, Axel quickly shutting the door behind them.

"I thought I'd never get you alone," Axel breathed, kissing Roxas roughly, teeth nipping at the blonde's lower lip.

A little dazed by the whole thing, Roxas could only splutter out the fragment of a passing thought."How's Riku?"

"Shut the fuck up about Riku."

Roxas gasped as Axel's strong, hot hands found his bottom, lifting him up before pressing the blonde against the wall. Axel's lips left Roxas' mouth then, dipping his head and working at Roxas' neck, grinning when Roxas had to stifle a moan at the contact. Axel bucked his hips a little, and the friction between them was very... _nice._

When Axel began nipping and sucking at Roxas throat, the blonde groaned both in pleasure and irritation. "_Don't leave a mark! _Someone might see."

"Good," Axel's voice was feral, and as if to prove a point he ran a tongue along Roxas skin before biting. "Let them see. Those girls being pushed at you. I want them to know you're _mine._"

The jealousy evident in Axel's voice made Roxas' heart skip in funny, erratic beats, and he cupped Axel's head, pulling him up for a sweet, passionate kiss. "You're the only one I want, Axel."

"Well," Axel thrust his hips a little, grinding them against Roxas' in a way that had them both groaning. The air around them was thick and sultry, and the red-head was quite obviously turned on. It was almost as if a fire that had been smouldering quietly up until this point had suddenly burst to life. "I'm here. If you want me, I'm yours."

"Here?" Roxas squeaked. Despite their compromising position, he didn't think Axel had been serious about going further than perhaps heavy petting and a make-out session. "But the party's going on right outside. Someone could come in! Or hear us, or come looking for me, or-"

"Fine," Axel interjected, pulling away with a smirk, leaving Roxas to sink to the floor with trembling knee's. The blonde seemed lost without the contact between their bodies, twitching uncomfortably with how painfully tight his pants had suddenly become. "If you don't want me..."

"Wait," Roxas growled. He was still kneeling on the floor, but his hand caught Axel's wrist, tugging him around. Roxas pulled Axel closer, eyes suddenly aglow with mischief. Suddenly everything seemed so exciting, knowing they could get caught, and the spark in Axel had caught and ignited in Roxas. He needed to do something - anything - to ease the pressure building in his pants, and suddenly the fear of being found had tumbled from his train of thought. He reached out, untucking Axel's shirt from his dress pants and tugging it up. Roxas leant forward, pressing his lips against Axel's newly exposed stomach and feeling a thrill go down his spine when the red-head gasped and trembled. "I do want you."

"Roxas," Axel's voice was little more than a breathy moan but the edge of arrogance and fire was still there. "You sure? I was teasing. You don't have to.."

"Shut up," Roxas could understand the pleasure Axel seemed to take from being in control now, and he loved it. He loved teasing the man and smirked against milky white skin. "Of course I'm sure. I _want _to."

Roxas tugged down the zipper of Axel's dress pants, pulling them with it, lips trailing down and following suit. Axel's head lolled back, eye's closing and breathing out raggedly when he felt Roxas' lips find just what they'd been looking for and _suck_ . He wondered absently how such a pampered and sheltered little kid could have such a talented mouth, given Roxas' general lack of experience outside of his strict, fake world. He wasn't sure if it was the hot little mouth against his flesh, or the sultry air, but something made Axel's heart squeeze inside his chest, a hand reaching down to tenderly weave itself into Roxas' hair and cradle the blondes skull. He was sure that it was more than _like_, more than lust. In the looming-orgasm fog of Axel's mind, he was sure that he was deeply, passionately and irrevocably in love with Roxas, and neither time or distance would ever change that. It frightened Axel , the idea of loving someone, loving _Roxas_, but it was too real to question its existence. With a talented little flick of Roxas' tongue, it was all Axel could do as he chocked out his orgasm not to tell Roxas right there and then how he truly felt.

Axel wasn't aware of the single tear that rolled down his face until he'd felt it drip from his chin to the hand still gently gripping Roxas' skull.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Thank you all for continuing to read this, it honestly means so much to me. I have rewritten most of the earlier chapters, and though there is nothing new that effects the plot, there are several new 'scenes' (including more interactions between Axel, Zexion, and Demyx) now included. Once again, your reviews and constructive criticism is gladly welcomed. **

**oOOo**

Roxas glanced around the room of the party uneasily, eyes skimming over the other guests to momentarily begin following the tall red head, whose movements were awkward and stiff. Although Axel had gladly reciprocated, something had changed in his attitude following their impromptu fellatio session, and Roxas was crippled by the mortifying fear that he had done _something _wrong. After all, he and Axel had only been getting together for little over a week, and Roxas was still inexperienced as hell. Particularly when it came to men, given the fact that his homosexual desires had not occurred before Axel's appearance in his life.

Every time Roxas dared to glance at his "lover", Axel downright refused to meet his gaze, going so far as to outright ignore him, and there was something sinking in the pit of Roxas' stomach which made the blonde want to rip his hair out from frustration. Axel had already made Roxas question so much, in such a short space of time, that he didn't think he could take much more. After all, just weeks ago Roxas had been little more than the "poor little rich boy", living in a constant state of malcontent. Unhappy with his plastic world. Constantly pretending to be just as fake as the rest of them whilst in reality he was dying. Axel had come along with the scary capability to make Roxas feel something real, yet now it seemed that even Axel was ignoring him. Roxas was pretty sure that this realisation was not supposed to hurt as much as it did, especially considering the short amount of time they'd known each other.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Roxas jumped at the sound of Sora's voice, and pulled from his gloomy thoughts he found his twin smiling warmly at him.

"You okay there, Roxas? You seem sort of ...distracted."

"I'm fine," Roxas said, offering Sora a shaky smile. "Just...daydreaming, I guess."

"Hey, I thought that was my job. You know, dreaming about exploring faraway lands; of my little home on the islands. You're normally the one rooted to reality."

A wry smile forming, Roxas shook his head. "Maybe you're influencing me, Sora."

"Maybe," Sora sobered a little, before taking his brothers hand gently. "Do you think Riku's alright?"

The fragment of a memory. _'Shut the fuck up about Riku' _

"Yes, I suppose he'll be fine. Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, didn't Kairi and Xion both say they'd vouch for him?"

"That is true," Sora squeezed Roxas' hand. "I like Xion, she's nice. Both she and Kairi seem very similar. I think Namine would like them."

"Yeah?" Roxas asked thoughtfully. "I think she might like them too. They seem ... different to the others. Less driven by money. I like Xion too, I think I've misjudged her in the past."

There was something in those words that stirred a realisation of sorts within Roxas' thought process. Since the (albeit too fast) progression of his and Axel's 'relationship', Roxas had failed to let Namine know what was going on. Although Cloud himself had made it clear that he knew what was going on, Namine was Roxas' sole confidant, and he'd been so wrapped up in his own world that he'd completely over looked her. This thought brought on a staggering amount of guilt, because she was _Namine,_ after all, and there was no way that his beloved cousin should have been able to drop so low on his list of priorities'.

He'd call her tonight, he decided, and update her on the goings on of the past week. No doubt she'd have been worrying about him, because that was simply the kind, lovely, and sweet girl she was. Besides, Namine had this brilliant capability of being able to look at things with fresh, wise eyes, and perhaps she could shed light on Axel's sudden, dramatic change in behaviour. After all, he'd gone from groping and petting the blonde, to being distant and aloof in the space of a few hours. Roxas needed some sort of reassurance that he hadn't already lost Axel, and if anyone had the kind of clarity to look and a situation and deduce it's problems, then it was Namine.

oOOo

As the last of the guests made their way to the manor doors, thanking their hosts, but not the staff who had actually worked hard to maintain the evening, Cloud scowled. Beside him, Leon was talking quietly to a fair haired woman who belonged to the Farron family, and her strength was obvious even through her made up facade. Cloud had no doubt in his mind that Leon would try and persuade this woman - Lightning - to join them in their Committee, and it was a smart move, really. The Farron family consisted of two daughters as their heirs; Claire, the woman before him who had changed her name to Lightning in recent years, and her younger sister, Serah. Wherever Lightning would go, Serah would undoubtedly follow, and that meant that the Committee would more than likely also gain the assistance of Serah's fiancée, Snow. It was an unusual relationship for this kind of social circle, because as far as Cloud was aware, the Farron's and the Villier's had no financial agreement. This meant that the couples engagement was not the result of some business deal, and was instead forged with actual feelings.

"I'll consider your offer," Lightning said quietly to Leon, her gaze never wavering. When she was beckoned over by her family, she nodded briefly at Cloud and Leon, before turning on her heal and marching away. Her gait was almost military-like, and Cloud couldn't help but think she'd suit the role of some sort of soldier perfectly.

"Are you just collecting people with weather-type names, and this Restoration Committee is actually little more than your own, personal club?"

Leon blinked at Cloud's remark, before the meaning finally sunk in and he grinned. "It seems that way, doesn't it? Squall, Cloud, Lightning... I never noticed that before."

"And don't forget if the Farron's join up, the Villiers heir's sure to follow."

"Snow..." Leon mumbled. "I think you're right. The Committee's just a rouse. The fact of the matter is that I wanted to make a support group for young people with odd names."

"Ah, I knew it," Cloud's lips twitched and met Leon's gaze carefully. "You're going to have to be the one to tell Yuffie and Cid that they don't belong anymore."

"I don't know," Leon said thoughtfully. "Cid's a Highwind. I suppose that counts, right?"

"Which just leaves Yuffie."

"Crap," Leon muttered, grimacing. "Those ninjutsu lessons she take are the real deal. I caught her playing with actual ninja stars the other day. I think for my own, personal safety, I might have to let her stay."

Cloud rolled his eyes, grinning broadly. "Coward."

"Whatever."

It was an odd sensation - the feeling of brief joy from such a simple exchange. But Cloud had long since forgotten that at his age it was normal to have friends to laugh and joke with, and that he shouldn't have to feel guarded and false all the time. After all, he was only twenty, and it shouldn't have to be his duty to act like a soulless robot at all times. Aside from his brothers, the only other person Cloud had had in his life who he could just act himself with was Zack, and since his passing Cloud had retreated further and further into his shell. He had Sora and Roxas, sure but Roxas had Axel now, and despite Cloud's concern about the speed at which their relationship seemed to progressing, he was happy for them. Sora also had Kairi, and the girl seemed genuine enough. But up until recently, Cloud had no-one. Now, in the space of just a few short weeks, with Leon pushing him to join the Committee, he had friends. He could slope off during the day and help Cid fix up whatever project he happened to be working on, or assist Aerith in weeding the flowerbeds, Yuffie would undoubtedly pester him about something when they were together, but it was a good kind of annoyance. Leon had proven himself to be a good and loyal friend, and Cloud already couldn't imagine life without him.

For the first time in a long time, things seemed to be looking up, and Cloud could only hope that this streak of good luck would continue.

oOOo

"I told you you'd be okay, Riku," Axel mumbled, tidying away any and all bit's and pieces that he and the other staff had used. Aside from Riku's earlier fumble, they'd done a rather fantastic job waiting, especially given they were stable hands, not waiters. It was probably due to this that Riku's 'indiscretion' was overlooked, and the silver haired man had nothing to worry about.

"Thanks, Axel," Riku paused to regard his friend for a moment, before his brows knitted together in a frown. "Are you okay? You seem a little off."

"I'm fine," Axel snapped, and in all honesty that was a God-damned lie. Axel was far from fine, because the realisation that had come from his little tryst with Roxas had destroyed him. He'd been so infuriated to see that little brunette clinging to Roxas' side throughout the evening, that he'd been overcome by the urge to just claim Roxas as his own. But it was more than that. The kid going off with someone else had felt as though someone had poured gasoline into Axel's stomach and then made him swallow a lit match. He'd knew it wasn't normal to feel so overwhelmingly jealous, and when he'd dragged Roxas into the cupboard he'd finally realised just why it had hurt so much. Somehow, in the short amount of time they'd known each other, Axel had already fallen head over heels for him. He felt stupid and childish for doing so; he was twenty-one, no longer a hormonal teenager and he should have known better. However, Axel also knew that, realistically, this was insane. People didn't just fall in love with one another in such small periods of time, yet he knew the emotion was genuine and true.

Which made the fact that there was an almost 0% chance that he and Roxas could ever be together properly, hurt even more.

"If you say so," Riku mumbled. It was obvious that he didn't buy Axel's response, but since letting rip at Axel about Roxas the week before, Riku had made an effort to just go along with and accept Axel's responses. The silver haired boy knew he'd hurt Axel's feelings the previous week, and he didn't want to do it again. "We should head back. We've about finished up here, and I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, me too," Axel rubbed at his tired eyes, inhaling deeply when the door was opened and he and Riku stepped out into the cool, crisp, fresh night air.

"I think you have a visitor," Riku said slowly, inclining his head at the lingering form beside the stables. Axel frowned at the way Roxas was shifting nervously from foot to foot, and he patted Riku's forearm gently.

"I'll be home in a bit, I just need to sort this out, okay?"

Lips turned down only slightly, Riku nodded, and continued on his journey back to the staff living quarters.

"Roxas?" Axel tried hard to suppress the yawn threatening to escape his lips, and when he reached the blonde beside the stables, he propped himself against the wall to support his weary body.

"Is everything okay?"

Roxas sounded so young and scared, that it made Axel want to vomit. That was part of his appeal, Axel guessed. He put on this outward facade of pure magnificence, yet inside he was fragile and young. Axel had been allowed unprecedented access to this delicate side of Roxas; he'd been allowed to see what no-one else could, and it all contributed to the powerful emotions stirring within his chest.

"Everything's fine." Another God-damn lie, but how could Axel tell an eighteen year old kid that he loved him? Especially given the fact that said kid probably had no idea what "true" love was, and had been brought up with material possessions as a substitute for genuine, deep rooted emotions.

"Really?" Roxas paused and bit his lip. "Because I feel like you've been ignoring me, since, you know... and I thought maybe I'd done something wrong. If I have, just say and-"

"You've done nothing wrong, Roxas," Axel snapped, glaring at the ground. Flicking his cigarette to the ground he stamped it out with the heel of his shoe.

A face screwed up in confusion. "Then why were you ignoring me?"

"Because I think I've falling in-fucking-love with you!" The words were out before Axel could stop them. Exasperated and tired, the man ran a finger through his hair, letting out a small huff of displeasure and awkwardness.

Roxas paused in his tracks at the confession, tilting his head in confusion. Although experience had taught Roxas that loving people, be they au pairs or his very own parents, generally left you disappointed, he still knew that love, when it was experienced by real, genuine people, was supposed to be something genuine and brilliant. "And that's... bad?"

"You really are such a little kid," Axel pinched the bridge of nose. "Of_ course_ it's bad, Roxas. We've known each other a matter of _weeks_. This isn't some bullshit teen movie, things like this don't just happen in real life."

Shifting his gazed to the ground, Roxas gnawed on his lip. "Maybe it's not love, maybe it's-"

"Roxas, I do love you," Axel interjected. "You're the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last one I think about at night. You're the person who haunts my dreams when I sleep. It's literally been weeks since we met, but I can't even remember what life was like before you came into it. I am mesmerised by the colour of your eyes, I love the texture of your hair when I run my fingers through it. I adore your bratty attitude. You've turned me into a walking cliché, and it makes me want to tear my own skin off in disgust. When I saw those god-damned girls fawning over you, that's when I realised just why my jealousy was rooted so deeply. I am so enamoured with you, and I barely know you. Don't you realise how terrifying that is for me?"

Lips parting in a silent "o", Roxas tried to make sense of the recent influx of information. Sure, he cared deeply for Axel, but love? Hell, he was eighteen, what did he know about love? Besides, Roxas had grown up knowing from an early age that loving things only ended up getting you hurt. The au pairs, the nannies, his so-called friends - all people he'd once loved, and merely ended up hurting him. Even Cloud had had his heart broken by the man he'd loved, despite it not being Zack's fault, and all of this left Roxas with the brutal fear of love. Axel loving him made butterflies dance in his stomach, but could he really reciprocate? Especially knowing that he'd end up hurt?

"It scares me, too," Roxas admitted quietly. It was all he could offer, really, because he just had no idea what else to say.

"Look, Rox, can we talk about this in the morning?" Axel said, dragging his hand over his face. "I'm honestly exhausted."

Deflated, Roxas nodded. Things has soured far too quickly, and it left Roxas with a bitter, disappointed taste in his mouth. "Okay, goodnight, Axel."

Sensing the drop in Roxas' mood, Axel gave him a tired smile. Quickly glancing down to make sure they were alone, Axel tilted Roxas' chin up with slim fingers, pressing his lips gently to the blondes. The kiss was sweet, if not slightly awkward, but it did dispel some of the unease knotting in Roxas' gut.

"Good night, Roxas. Sweet dreams," running his thumb across Roxas' cheek, Axel gazed at him intently. "We will talk about this tomorrow, okay?'

Still slightly unnerved by Axel's confession, Roxas nodded slowly, uneasily. He could tell that the red head was dead on his feet, and pressing him for an explanation tonight would only prove to be a hopeless endeavour.

With a final parting kiss, Roxas watched as Axel walked away, still shaken by the declaration of love, as well as Axel's tangible change in mood.

oOOo

"Namine?" Roxas breathed into the phone quietly, fingers drumming nervously against his thigh. After the last of the guests had departed, and Cloud and Sora had bid goodbye to their friends, the three of them had all decided to retreat to their respective rooms and sleep the nights exhaustion aware. It was surprising, really, how much several hours of pretending to be someone you're not can both physically and emotionally drain you, and Roxas wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and shut his tired, itchy eyes. However, Axel had thrown him out of loop, and he needed Namine's level wisdom more than ever.

"Roxas, it's like one a.m are you okay?" Namine's voice was little more than an exhausted whisper, and Roxas winced in guilt.

"I know it's late, but I just really needed to talk to you."

"Roxas, I.." Namine trailed off, and Roxas could practically envision the way his cousins sleep pinched face would relax with understanding. "Oh, is this about Axel?"

"Mhmm," Roxas hummed.

"Oh, no, what's happened?"

Roxas rushed through the last week quickly, telling Namine how he'd been the one to push Axel into advancing in their relationship so quickly, and how Cloud was now apparently aware of their "romance". He tried to glide over the details of their physical side, feeling his cheeks heat as he even ghosted around the topic, and he finally ended up spilling his guts about Axel's awkward, exhausted confession.

"Wow, that's pretty heavy," Namine mumbled. "Do you think you love him back?"

Roxas paused, dipping his head. "I don't know. Like, I cannot imagine my life without him, and I obviously like him, but Axel's right; you don't just fall in love within a couple of weeks."

"Have you ever asked yourself why things are progressing so rapidly?"

Roxas blinked, taken aback, and rubbed his jaw in thought. "No, I haven't. Why would I?"

"Well," Namine drew the word out, as if considering how to word her next statement. "Just weeks ago, you all but hated him, right? Then that quickly developed into friendship, and that in turn rapidly turned into a relationship. You have to ask yourself why hate turned to romance so quickly."

"I, I don't know," Roxas confessed.

"You don't?" Namine sounded mildly surprised, as though the answer was obvious.

"No, should I?" Roxas asked warily.

"Maybe someday you'll understand, Roxas," the girl sounded wistful, as though she was smiling. "When you're older."

"When I'm older?" Roxas had to chuckle at that. "I'm already older than you."

"Yes, but you're male, and you mature a lot slower than us girls do. That puts me a good few years ahead of you. And it also gives me an insight to what should be blaringly obvious."

"Wait, what's obvious?"

"Oh, you'll figure it out eventually, Roxas," Namine sighed. "Go to sleep."

Reluctantly, Roxas said his goodbyes and hung up on his cousin. He wanted to mull over Namine's cryptic response, but exhaustion was tugging at the fringes of his mind, and his thoughts were consumed by a comforting darkness and made his eyelids heavy, and body numb. Sleep snatched him, and for the first time in a long time he didn't dream. He merely slumbered on, his troubles melted away, at least for now.

oOOo

"Master Roxas?"

Roxas was disturbed out of his usual morning routine by a slim, dark haired maid, who tapped almost nervously against his oak door. Sighing, he opened the door, and she seemed vaguely surprised to find him fully dressed and gazing at her with a slightly irritated expression.

"Yes?" He asked curtly, not even bothering to keep up with his act, at least for now. Pretending didn't appeal to him today, and after last night's shock confession he was in no mood for anything or anyone.

"Your mother and father have gone out to brunch with the Lockhart's," Roxas raised an eyebrow, but the maid continued on. "Your mother wishes to inform you of this, and has told me to remind you that once you've had your breakfast, you are to work with that new horse they bought you, as they are still unsatisfied with your dedication to it."

Roxas nodded, internally groaning at the prospect of riding Strider. Although Axel had been working hard with the horse, Roxas still had the uneasy feeling that the horse was a piece of work, and would throw him (again) almost immediately.

"Thank you," he sighed, running a hand over his face. He left his plush room and padded downstairs towards the breakfast hall. He could already hear Sora's low grumbles of protest, and the fact that his twin was most definitely not a morning person did something to appease the grumbling frustration budding within Roxas. He blinked in surprise when he entered the room, however, as although Sora was sat in his usual place nursing a cup of coffee and nibbling idly at his plate of syrupy pancakes, it seemed he was not alone. Cloud was sat in his chair, a piece of bacon speared on his fork, and directly beside him Squall sat, fingers curled around a coffee cup, and a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him. Yuffie was chattering inanely from her seat across the table, occasionally pausing to take a bite out of the omelette on her plate, and when she caught sight of Roxas she grinned.

"Hey there, sleepy head!"

"Uh, hey," Roxas mumbled back, eyes still slightly wide in shock as he settled himself down on the table. As usual, the centre of the table was overflowing with an array of hot food that had been made for the breakfast, every single scenario thought of. Undoubtedly a lot of the food would go to waste, but with Squall and Yuffie here at least more of it would be used. Not that he really understood why they were here so early. Stretching out to fill his plate with a mixture of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes and syrup (which earned an odd, slightly disgusted look from Squall), Roxas turned to face his two guests. "No offense, but what are you two doing here?"

"Cloud invited us," Squall said simply, mounting his fork with the fluffy eggs.

"Uhuh," it was all Roxas could offer as a reply, because he was as confused by this arrangement as he was about the situation regarding Axel. Yuffie and Squall had been spending more and more time with Cloud of late, Squall in particular, and the usual paranoia and anxiety that Roxas felt whilst in the company of the upper-class gripped him. Cloud needed friends more than anything, and whilst neither of the suspects had done anything to indicate that they merely hung out with Cloud for financial gain, Roxas could help but worry for his brother. It was the same feeling he had about Sora and Kairi, and although he was starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, not everyone from their social circle was as money grabbing and false as he initially believed, years of thinking that way made it difficult for him to loosen up.

"What's wrong with you?" Cloud asked, fixing his brother with a curious stare.

"Mom and Dad are making me ride Strider today." Roxas grumbled.

When Squall and Yuffie exchanged questioning glances, Cloud sighed. "Strider's a horse our parents bought Roxas. He's temperamental to say the least. Last time he rode that thing it threw him and split his lip. Which our parents blamed him for."

"Ouch," Yuffie said, shaking her head. "Well, try and be safe today, Roxy. I like my boys in one piece!"

"Roxy?" Roxas blinked. "Your boys?"

Ignoring the first part of Roxas' questioning statement, Yuffie grinned. "Yes my boys. You know the Highwind's? Well Cid's one of my boys. As is grumpy gills over there - and I'm referring to Leon, and not to Cloudster with that statement. And you, my dear boy, and Sora, have now also become part of my band of boys."

"Quite the regular little Nancy," Squall cut in dryly.

"Which would make you the Artful Dodger," Yuffie retorted, smile still in place.

"Whatever."

Grinning, and joining in with the exchange, Sora held out his near empty plate, and widening his eyes asked "Please sir, can I have some more."

Roxas could barely comprehend the situation, and his puzzled look went from Sora to Cloud when the older blonde laughed heartily. This whole affair seemed far too normal, and Roxas just wasn't used to it. It felt as though his entire world had changed in the space of a few short weeks, and he wasn't sure how he could handle it.

Suddenly there was a faint buzz, as Squall's phone vibrated against the table. The brunette picked up the cell, and as he read the message his eyes lit up. Eyes flashing Cloud, Squall smiled broadly.

"That was Lightning," Squall breathed. "She said she's in."

"Already?" Cloud said, blinking rapidly.

"Woah, woah, woah," Yuffie raised her hands, and whirled to face Squall. "Are you saying what you think I'm saying? Did you get Lightning Farron to join the Committee?"

"I did," Squall said with a sense of smug satisfaction. "But it gets much, much better. Serah and Snow have agreed to join her, and not only that, but she's convinced Hope Estheim to come along too."

"Jesus Christ, Leon, you are good," Yuffie cackled. "First you get Blondie to sign up, and now you've managed to kill four birds with one stone. Cloudster, take note. This is how it's done."

Sora and Roxas exchanged looks of confusions about the whole situation, but neither made an attempt to voice it. It was as though the twins had made a simultaneous and mutual decision to allow Cloud to explain it to them if that's what he wished. All the same, Cloud was entitled to his own friends, and private lives came with the territory of having friends.

Roxas ate the rest of his breakfast in relative silence, whilst Yuffie, Squall, and Cloud taking excitedly about some sort of "committee." It was the most animated Roxas had seen Cloud since Zack's death, and the teenager was glad to see that his older brother had some of his enthusiasm for life back.

Eventually, as time wore on he made his apologise and departed; darting out of the kitchen to head to the stable block. He hoped that Axel would be there whilst he was with Strider, or at least he'd stumble across the red-head while on his travels. Last night's confession left him feeling awkward and confused, and he just wanted them to settle into normality again - or at least what they called normality.

Axel was leading Strider out when Roxas spotted him, Chocobo close by the red-heads side, but still maintaining a careful distance from the horse. When the bird spotted Roxas is warked loudly in delight, before hobbling towards his owner and pressing his head into Roxas' tummy affectionately. Roxas wrapped his arms around the birds neck, nuzzling his pet in return, and leaning down to place a tender kiss on its feathery head. Raising his head, Roxas found Axel watching him and the bird, expression soft and warm. It made Roxas feel marginally better, and almost instantly a small amount of his anxiety drained away.

"I'll be leading you out today," Axel said as Roxas drew closer, the chocobo still stuck faithfully by his side. "Striders still not the nicest of horses, so I want to be on hand and in control when you're with him."

"O-okay," Roxas stuttered.

They didn't make eye contact as Roxas mounted the creature; the horse puffing in warning, but made no move to throw him this time. Axel kept one hand firmly on the animals bridle as they began to move towards the training paddock, but his other hand rested gently on Chocobo's skull, who was warking happily as he limped by Axel's side.

Axel led Roxas and Strider further out, occasionally making soft clicking noises at the horse, in attempt to keep it calm and steady. When the red-head seemed satisfied that the horse wouldn't throw Roxas, he turned to the blonde with eyes full of uncertainty.

"About what I said last night," Axel began, taking a staggering breath. "I shouldn't have just blurted it out like that. It was selfish of me. I was tired and irritable. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Roxas said quietly. He could almost anticipate Axel telling him that the words were hollow and false, and despite the fact that the idea of Axel loving him was scary, the thought of Axel telling him that he didn't love him seemed even worse. It was all playing havoc with Roxas' insides, and he just wanted it all to be over as quickly as possible.

He was surprised when that didn't come.

"So," Axel said, apparently satisfied that now he'd made his apology, all was said and done. "There's a fair going on at the beach tonight, and I was wondering if you'd want to sneak out and go."

"With you?"

"No, Roxas, I figured you and Riku needed some quality bonding time, and was wondering if you wanted to go with him. Of course with me, you twink."

Roxas couldn't help but smile at the man's sarcasm, and rolled his eyes. "And there's my Axel."

"Your Axel?"

"Yes, mine. Don't you dare question it either, Mr I-took-the-bosses-son's-virginity."

Grinning, Axel chuckled. "And you do have a point there. But an answer would be nice please, Mr bosses-son."

"Oh you know the answer," Roxas laughed. "Of course I'll go with you."

And just like that, in the space of one conversation a nights worth of worrying was lifted. Roxas was still painfully aware that there was still so much left unsaid, but for now, here in the paddock with Axel, what had passed would be enough.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Thank you for both your patience, and your lovely and encouraging reviews. As always, comments and constructive criticism is welcome. I apologise for the month or so gap, but I've been having some health problems and have been in and out of hospital, with very little time to write. Also, due to the recent cull of M stories on , parts of this chapter, as well as future chapters have been changed (a lot), and although the M rating will remain, it will primarily be for language and for (somewhat extreme) violence in an upcoming chapter.**

**_(Painfully unbeta-d chapter, and so if you spot any problems please feel free to PM me and let me know_)**

oOOo

The sky was already melting from a pale blue into orange, and the first glittering stars were beginning to materialise through the late afternoon skyline. As the vestiges of daylight began to sink below the horizon, and the world had taken on a sleepy, peaceful atmosphere. Crickets chirped away noisily, and the birds squawked restlessly, the warking of chocobo's and the soft neighing of horses lending their voices to the unique chorus. The world seemed utterly alive for once, and there was a palpable - if not as of yet nameless - change in the air.

"Ready to go?"

As usual Axel was waiting for Roxas below his bedroom window, dressed casually with his characteristically wild mane thrown back in a pony. It looked odd, seeing Axel's hair tied back for the first time, but it accentuated his thin, pale face; highlighting strong cheeky bones and a brilliant willows peak. It made him look both older and younger at the same time; an odd paradox where, despite the fact that without a mass of red obscuring it, his face appeared more youthful, the general vibe of Axel's casual appearance made him look like a_ real_ twenty-something. Any and all agitation that had built within him throughout the day, and little else in the world mattered. Here was Axel, looking oddly vulnerable, and he was Roxas'. Sure, others had claimed him before, but right now, and for God-knows how far into the future, Axel was his and his alone.

"Yeah, sure," Roxas smiled, tugging self consciously at the hem of his t-shirt. He still had moments when he felt so young and naive in comparison to Axel, and more so he felt as though their two worlds would never completely mesh. He was still so oblivious when it came to things like "regular" dating, and slinking from his high brow upper-class society into Axel's world could at times prove to be a difficult challenge. Yet he did it willingly, not only for Axel but for himself. He didn't want to belong to his world, he craved Axel's. At times more than the air he breathed.

Axel, to Roxas' delight, was wearing the OathKeeper shirt that Roxas had bought him, and when the red-head caught him staring at it, a dopey smile in place, Axel grinned.

"Like the shirt? My_ boyfriend _purchased it for me."

"Oh really? Your_ boyfriend _has excellent taste."

"You'd think so," Axel smirked, hand reaching out to ghost along Roxas' side, down to his hip. Hovering, but not quite touching. "But he didn't even know who OathKeeper were. It's only because I mentioned how much I liked the band, that he bought it. Even despite my protests."

"He sounds lovely," Roxas said, practically purring as he leaned into Axel's touch, his head inching towards Axel's neck so that his lips ghosted over Axel's gloriously exposed throat.

"Holy shit, stop," Axel chuckled breathlessly, pushing Roxas at arms length. "We've got a train to catch, and you're making me want to fuck you against the wall of your God-damned _mansion_."

Ignoring the heat rising to his cheeks, Roxas grinned. "Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me, baby."

Axel groaned in response, his hand reaching up to tug at his pony tail. "You're a little cock tease. I think I've created a monster."

"I think so too," They walked in silence for a while; simply enjoying one another's company as they strolled through the grounds gates, and down the long country path where Roxas had once upon a time initiated their clumsy romance. They stopped at a bus stop, Axel lazily digging for a cigarette and lighting up, before Roxas spoke again. "A train, huh?"

"Yup," Axel said, blowing out a ring of smoke. "The funfair's at the beach, and the trains the quickest way to get there. Not to mention the easiest way."

"I can't remember ever catching the train anywhere," Roxas mused. "I mean, Hayner, Pence, and Olette used to go to the beach all the time, but as we got older it was all chauffeurs and limo rides. Plus we were always accompanied by someone's butler or au pair. It's sad, really."

As the bus pulled up, Axel stubbed out his cigarette before climbing on board and paying the driver - apparently for both himself and Roxas. When they'd taken their seats, he made a small, vague motion with his hands for Roxas to continue. "Hayner, Pence, and Olette? You don't talk about them much."

"No, I don't," Roxas wrung his hands, eyes narrowing. Briefly he glanced up at Axel, but the red-head merely regarded him expectantly; neither forcing him to continue his story, nor end it. He was simply allowing Roxas to open up to him if he felt ready to. "We used to be such good friends, or at least I thought we were. We used to hang out together all the time when we were kids, and Hayner and I would enter professional Struggle tournaments together. Pence was always snapping pictures with whatever expensive, professional camera his parents had bought him, and Olette would pander after us all. Then we started to get older, and I realised that they didn't even hang out with me on their own initiative, but because their parents were using them as pawns to get closer to the Strife family. They didn't really give a shit about me, they only cared about affiliation with my parents company. And it was then that I realised that my best friends couldn't give a damn about me. But it was more than that - none of my friends cared. Selphie, Tidus... They were equally as money grabbing and greedy. But I had to keep fucking pretending everything was fine. Eventually I just stopped making an active effort to associate with people who only saw me as a money making challenge, and I became friendless."

Axel's hand went to Roxas', clutching and squeezing. "You have me now. And Kairi, and_ Xion._" There was no disguising the sneer, and the obvious twang of jealousy as Axel said Xion's name, and Roxas laughed.

"Oh don't get all jealous," the blonde said, prodding Axel's ribs with his free hand. "Xion's no threat. If you haven't noticed she's female, and is clearly lacking certain genitalia that I happen to find attractive in a mate."

Nodding, with an expression of pure amusement, Axel seemed to consider this point. "That is true, and not many people could compare with such an excellent specimen as I." A pause. "So she lacks the genitalia you find attractive, huh? Have you always known you were gay?"

A pause, "...No."

"Anyone before me?"

"...No."

The bus shuddered to a stop outside of the train station before Axel could comment again, and Roxas thanked the Lord for small mercies. He felt faintly humiliated that before Axel he hadn't even been remotely aware of his sexuality. It made him feel like a naive, foolish child, and as Axel led the way from the bus to the inside of the marble train-station, Roxas fought hard to stop his face from turning red.

Axel, ever the leader, manoeuvred Roxas towards the ticket booth, ordering their tickets and navigating them towards the right platform. What felt like one hell of an adventure to Roxas was no doubt something ordinary to Axel, but the prickling excitement nibbled at Roxas' insides none-the-less. The train rumbled towards the platform relatively quickly, and Roxas grinned as he stepped aboard, taking his seat next to Axel and resting his head on the older man's shoulder.

"What's got you grinning like a lunatic?"

"Just doing this, with you. It's fun."

A predatory smirk ghosted across Axel's lips, and his hand went down to Roxas's thigh, fingers squeezing the flesh. "And the other things we do together, they aren't fun?"

"Of course they are," Roxas said, his voice throaty. His eyes scanned the thankfully empty carriage quickly, before he let out a surprised mewl as Axel's fingers brushed further up his thigh. He found himself moving on instinct until he was sprawled across Axel's lap; the red head's hand still firmly in place even as Roxas straddled him. Roxas' fingers went to the hair tie that was holding Axel's hair back, hooking under the band and tugging - not enough to hurt the older man, but enough to jerk Axel's head back slightly; punishment for his wandering hands.

Using that as leverage, and happily taking advantage of the fact that Roxas was young and driven by hormones, Axel's palm crept upwards, rubbing the flesh of Roxas' upper thigh in slow, teasing circles. Roxas was embarrassed to admit that he could already feel an uncomfortable twitch in his pants, and no doubt Axel was aware of the forming bulge. The redhead, seemingly delighting in his effect on the blonde, lunged forward, and latching his lips onto Roxas' throat. Roxas groaned in response, rolling his hips forward, Axel was apparently just as turned on as he was, and returned the hip roll with a shallow thrust of his own, his hand moving up to cup Roxas through his jeans.

Despite having only been together for a short while, being in close proximity to Axel always seemed to have this effect on Roxas, and things usually escalated into this state pretty quickly. He would find himself in some sort of compromising position; usually on his back, or on his hands and knees. Usually they'd tear blindly at each other's clothes, touching, tasting,

It was only when Axel shifted so that Roxas was sprawled on the train seat, and Axel was kneeling between his legs, his face level with a sizable tent in the blondes pants, fingers working on the zip and intentions clear, did Roxas regain his senses. Not only were they on a train, with their stop looming ever closer, but it was all vaguely familiar, and reminiscing of the events of the previous night. Only yesterday in had been Roxas on his knees, and Axel hard and hot. That situation had led to Axel confessing that he_ loved_ Roxas, and suddenly that was the only thing that Roxas could think about.

"S-stop!" By the time Roxas choked out the word Axel already had his hand down Roxas' now unzipped pants, fingers wrapped around the blondes erection and pumping, as his other hand dipped below the band of his own jeans, stroking.

Blinking in apparent confusion, Axel frowned. "What is it?"

"For one, we're on public transport," Roxas said, voice slightly slurred. As if on cue to tannoy system announced that they would be arriving at their stop shortly. Flustered, Roxas crossed his legs a little, unconsciously rocking his hips in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure. "And secondly, we need to talk about... things."

"Why do you have this affect on me?" Axel grumbled, tugging his hands free and collapsing into the seat next to Roxas'. Rebuttoning his jeans the read-head shifted in discomfort, erection still evident. Axel frowned when Roxas gnawed on his lip nervously. "What's wrong? What things?"

"Axel, about last night -"

"So this is what it's about? God, I'm being cockblocked by myself. Just drop it, Roxas, please?" When Roxas' face fell, Axel sighed. "It was a heat of the moment thing, okay? I'm sorry. Just forget about it."

Heat of the moment? The words stung briefly, but Roxas nodded, the statement making sense in his ear. Of course Axel didn't mean it - why would he? Sure, he evidently liked Roxas, but he didn't love him. Last night had been a lust induced fluke. Except... except, no, that explanation didn't quite ring true either. Roxas knew Axel well enough to know that he would lie about such a serious issue. Sure, he was arrogant and sarcastic, and boy did he know how to rile Roxas up, but Axel knew his limits. He would lie about something that could potentially shatter Roxas' heart.

"Alright," The word sounded a lot more petulant than Roxas intended, and as he hung his head with a small scowl in place, he heard Axel chuckle.

"Don't sulk," Axel said quietly. When the train juddered to a stop, Axel tugged them both to their feet, wincing slightly in discomfort. "Maybe we should invent a three seats apart rule. I don't seem to be able to control myself around you."

"Maybe because you're a massive fucking pervert," Roxas grumbled, stepping out of the train. Immediately he was overcome by the pleasant sea air, and an involuntary smile found its way to his lips. He instantly felt less troubled by the whole situation with Axel, and he was overcome by giddiness.

"Says you, the guy who just last night had his pretty little mouth wrapped around my c-"

"That's enough!" Roxas shouted, elbowing Axel sharply when two passing old ladies, attempting to shuffle into the carriage that Axel and Roxas had just departed, tutted and exchanged disgusted looks.

"Embarrassed, Rox?" With a wicked grin, Axel tugged him out of the station. "Come on, prude."

"I'm not a prude," Roxas grouched. "I just don't appreciate you airing our private life in public."

"If you say so, baby."

Axel's fingers interwove gently with Roxas', and they walked side-by-side, interlinking hands swinging between them. Roxas still had a ball of anxiety gnawing at his insides, and he kept replaying Axel's previous confession over and over in his head. Surely Axel didn't love him, hell, the red-head had even admitted that he'd uttered those words in the heat of the moment, but it still_ felt _real. And it was scary as hell. Love was still such a foreign concept to Roxas, and at times he almost felt as though he didn't have a heart, and was merely the shadow of a being. The thought of Axel loving him had is stomach knotting, and heart racing, and Roxas couldn't be sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. After all, he didn't even know if he was capable of reciprocating such a powerful emotion, no matter how much he_ liked_ Axel.

"You okay, Rox?"

"I'm fine," Roxas mumbled in response, head dipping. Truth be told he _was_ sulking, because he wanted his and Axel's separate feelings for one another to align. He wanted them to care for each other equally, but instead Axel cared more, and it made Roxas incredibly guilty. However, when the beach – and the funfair – came into sight, Roxas forgot all about his mood, as well as the cause of it.

The fair was glorious, the sun already almost completely set, and the lights of the carnival casting a pretty, pale glow along the beach. Waves rolled soothingly in the background, and the sand and salt twang of the sea intermingled sweetly with the scent of corn-dogs and cotton candy. The pit of Roxas' stomach suddenly housed a hoard of butterflies, and a nervous energy thrummed through his veins.

"So, what do you want to do first?" Axel smirked, noting the instant change in Roxas' demeanour.

"I want to do it _all_."

oOOo

After riding all of the various coasters and amusement rides, so much so that Roxas' stomach had begun to do somersaults and was on the verge of spilling its contents, Axel had taken him towards the arcades, where the proceeded to feed money into slots in attempt to win tickets, more money, or various stuffed animals. After winning some sort of small, black _thing, _Roxas had handed it to Axel as a sort of present. In response, Axel had sloped off towards the food-cart, stuffed toy in hand, leaving Roxas along to gaze over the edge of the pier.

"Here, ya go" Axel said, reappearing and handing Roxas a hotdog, generously covered in onions, mustard and ketchup. Taking his first bite of the somewhat greasy, unhealthy mess, it was a marked difference from the fine cuisine that Roxas normally dined on. Nonetheless, it was delicious, and Roxas closed his eyes in appreciation, already salivating for the next bite.

"My God, this is incredible."

"What, the fair or the hotdog?"

"Both, but mostly the dog," Roxas paused, and with his free hand dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of notes. "What do I owe you?"

"Nothing, Rox, honestly."

Roxas frowned, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. Money was not an issue for him, but he knew that it was for Axel. Throughout the entirety of their odd, short term relationship Axel seemed reluctant to let Roxas pay for anything, and that really bothered the blonde.

"Axel, just take the God-damn money."

"Roxas, just shut the hell up and finish your God-damn hotdog."

"Axel! Roxas!"

Before their spat could escalate into a full blown argument, the pair were interrupted by a melodic voice calling their name. The two males turned to see Demyx and Zexion, strolling side by side, arms brushing subtly. Though they did not parade their romance obnoxiously, it was clear that both Zexion and Demyx cared very deeply for one another. They maintained constant contact with each other, shifting subtly to accommodate the others movements. It was as though they were connected by some strange, magnetic hold that Roxas' mind was unable to comprehend.

Though Axel had talked about them, Roxas had not seen Zexion or Demyx since the night of his painfully clumsy love confession, but nevertheless, it was a welcome relief to spot them. They were normal people, and perfect representations of the life Roxas had always craved. Plus he'd enjoyed their company a lot, even if they had all been rather drunk, and found them to be interesting and complex people.

"Fancy seeing you here!" Demyx exclaimed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Isn't it way past Roxy's curfew?"

Popping his jaw, Roxas narrowed his eyes. "Nice to see you too, Demyx."

"Don't mind him," Zexion said, smirking. "He's just testy because he couldn't scam the ticket master out of an extra few tickets by claiming one of the machines was faulty."

"It _was_," Demyx protested, regardless of the wicked grin that dominated his features. "Anyway, you two look good."

"Thanks," Axel grinned. "You too. Both of you."

Zexion and Demyx brief looks, making small gestures with their head and eyes at one another, as if wordlessly discussing something. When Zexion raised his eyebrows, inclining his head towards Demyx as if commanding him to go ahead, the mulleted blonde smirked.

"Mind if I borrow Axel for a bit, Roxy?" Demyx asked, throwing his arm lazily over the red-heads shoulder. "You'll get him back in one piece."

"Sure?" Roxas said warily, scratching the back of his head. Although it was supposed to be a statement of acknowledgement, it sounded more like a question, and so Axel flashed him a brief smile to reassure him that he wouldn't leave Roxas for long.

As Demyx and Axel strolled off, with only a backwards glance from the older blonde, Roxas found himself alone with Zexion. He recalled how Axel had once stated that Zexion had not trusted Roxas' intentions, and though the older man had been kind and accommodating the last time they had met, Roxas still had the niggling fear that Zexion mistrusted him.

"So, how are things with you and Axel? He told Demyx and I that you two were somewhat romantically involved." Zexion said quietly, tossing his head to flick his hair out his eyes.

Roxas was taken about by the statements honesty, as well as the way Zexion had seemingly pulled it out of no-where, and he frowned; directing his gaze towards Axel and Demyx. Apparently Demyx was in the middle of a tale of sorts, because he seemed to be chattering inanely whilst Axel added the occasional quip or response, nodding sporadically throughout the exchange. At Roxas' reluctance to open up about the topic, Zexion sighed.

"He cares about you a lot, you know."

"I know," Roxas paused, gnawed on his lips, before adding: "he told me he loved me last night."

Zexion raised a slim eyebrow. "Oh really? I can't say I'm surprised. I've known Axel for a while now, and I've never seen him get so worked up by a single person. Though I will admit, you two hardly met under normal circumstance. It's only fitting that your relationship reflects this."

"Zexion, you love Demyx, right?"

"Well, of course I do, with all my heart," Zexion seemed a little startled by the abruptness of Roxas' question, oblivious to the blondes train of thought.

"How do you know when you're in love? What does it feel like?"

"You just know, because you feel like you're combusting, and the thought of spending a single moment of your life without that person is like having your nails pulled out with pliers. Love is painful and raw, and it smacks you in the face unexpectedly. It's a commitment made without your control or blessing, but it's brilliant."

"Oh," Roxas said quietly. He tried to mull over the words, but the enormity of them swamped him. Given Axel's confession the night before, even if the red-head was brushing it off now, did Roxas reciprocate? Did he feel the emotions that Zexion had just described?

The fact that he even had to ask himself bothered Roxas, because that was sort of definitive proof that his answer wasn't the one he wanted.

He was eighteen - what did he know about love? He had known Axel a matter of weeks, when push came to shove, and love was supposed be this life altering affair that took months to create and nourish. No doubt Axel had changed Roxas' outlook on life dramatically in recent weeks, but that didn't change the fact that love, at this stage should be impossible. His thoughts were beginning to repeat themselves, the same sentiment tripping over itself again and again, reasoning with Roxas as to why he could not love Axel.

"I wouldn't over think it, Roxas," Zexion said, flicking his hair from his eyes. "It's clear that you like Axel, and emotions develop with time. Ax has always been hot-headed and overtly emotional, and so it's no surprise he fell so quickly. But whilst you may not reciprocate yet, you may one day. Don't pressure yourself, though."

"Thanks, Zexion."

"It's no problem." With a wry grin, he added: "Now that that's all said and done, perhaps we should go and rescue Axel. No doubt Demyx is driving him insane with his constant griping and story-telling."

oOOo

When Axel and Roxas were reunited, and Zexion and Demyx had bid their farewells in order to continue their date back at Demyx's, the blonde and red-head found themselves in the far corner of the carnival, pulling faces and laughing about the appealing (or not so, as the case was) sight of Zexion and Demyx's extended date.

"So," Roxas stretched out his hand, searching for Axel's and clasping it tightly when he found it. "What did Demyx want?"

"The devious little bastard actually wanted to get you alone with Zexion. Apparently they both agreed that one of them needed to talk to you about something - and I'm guessing I'm that something - and considering Demyx's previous remarks about your lovely ass, Zexion volunteered to do the job so Dem wouldn't have to. So, really I should be asking you the question - what did Zexion want with you?"

"Huh, they're quite the deceitful pair," Roxas reached up to tap the side of his nose. "Though that being said, what was discussed with Zexion is confidential, and I can't possibly share this information with you."

"You little tease!" Axel growled, poking Roxas' side, eyes gleaming. "I'm leaving, don't expect to see me again."

Axel huffed off, but the moment was marred by the way he was chuckling, and kept throwing backwards glances at the blonde. Roxas poked his tongue out, rocking back on his heels; shaking his head every time Axel turned to face him. Momentarily, Axel disappeared from view, slipping into the crowd. He reappeared seconds later, two gelatinous looking ice creams in hand, and licking his lips.

"What's this?"

"Sea-salt ice-cream," Axel said, handing him a bar.

Roxas wrinkled a nose at the offered treat, but took it nonetheless. Inspecting it carefully, Roxas pulled a face. The ice-cream was neon blue, and Roxas couldn't help but wonder about all the colorants and chemicals that may have gone into it, in order to make it so bright.

"Sea_-salt_ ice-cream?"

"I know it sounds weird, but it tastes great," Axel paused to nibble idly at his own popsicle. "You trust me, right?"

"Of course I do."

"Then try it."

Dubiously, Roxas nibbled on the treat, only to find that Axel was right, and the ice-cream was pleasant. A look that could only be described as smug satisfaction flashed across Axel's face, and Roxas fought the urge to glare at his lover.

"I love it when I'm right," Axel grinned, sucking leisurely at his popsicle.

"You're still the same arrogant twat that infuriated me from the moment we met, I see."

"And you're still the stroppy, petulant little teenager that irked me no end, I see."

"A match made in heaven, no doubt."

The continued to devour the rest of their ice creams, until all that was left was a blue residue dripping down their wrists. They began to stroll away from the main thrum of people, Axel digging into his pocket to pull out his customary cigarette and lighting it, taking his first leisurely drag as they walked.

They found themselves on the furthest end of the strand, away from all the hustle and bustle of the fair. Crushing his cigarette with his boot, Axel blew out one final ring of smoke into the nights sky, before fixing his gaze on Roxas. The previous nights function seemed a life time ago, and all Roxas could concentrate on was how surreal and magical the night had become. The stars blinked and glittered above them, telling stories that had been interpreted and passed on throughout countless societies and generations. The rolling waves created a beautiful symphony, and the entire scene suddenly become much more intense. What was carefree and fun moments before, was suddenly romantic and full of significance,

Wordlessly, the two leaned into each other, mouths brushing gently, as Roxas' arms wound around Axel's neck. Unlike their passionate, almost furious actions earlier in the evening, both Axel and Roxas were moving slowly, and when Roxas opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Axel did not react with anything other than tender affection. Axel tasted like sea-salt ice-cream and smoke, an odd combination, and one that would have ordinarily had Roxas wrinkling his nose if he wasn't so captivated by the red-head. Axel mumbled something into Roxas' mouth, that would have sounded worryingly like "God, I love you," if Roxas hadn't been too preoccupied with the overwhelming sensation of kissing Axel. They'd only been together a matter of weeks - still in the honeymoon stage by most people's standards - but Roxas still couldn't get used to kissing Axel. Even given his entire lack of real experience previously, kissing Axel still felt as exciting and nerve wracking as it did the first time. Absently, as his mouth moved with Axel's, Roxas hoped it would always be like this. Even if it meant Roxas had to continue living two lives, he wished that Axel would stay with him, holding him and kissing him, as long as they both lived.

oOOo

The journey home was entirely different to the outward one. For one thing, time seemed to drag on longer, and minutes suddenly felt like hours. For another, both Roxas and Axel were completely exhausted, and whilst Roxas could barely keep his eyes open as he rested his head on Axel's shoulder, the red-head was trying valiantly not to fall asleep; humming a low tune softly, occasionally mouthing the odd lyric.

"_An empty shell; no heart inside. Shadows of emotions sustained only by make-believe pride. Cast from the world, we'll start anew. This love feels real even if it can't be true_," Axel sang the words quietly, the occasion crack in his voice as a result of exhaustion. As Axel began to hum what was undoubtedly an attempt at a guitar riff, Roxas looked up at him sleepily.

"OathKeeper song?"

"Mhm," Axel's arm around Roxas tightened. "It's called Nobodies. It's about somebody who's literally had their heart stolen from their chest, and they meet someone else who shares the same fate. They both know that they're not real people anymore, and therefore cannot feel love, but they fall into something that almost feels real, even if it's impossible."

Roxas leant further into Axel, cherishing his warm body and the smoke-and-soap scent of his skin. "It sounds sad."

"It is," Axel agreed, running his hand through Roxas' hair. He picked up the song again, voice low. "_Your presence makes me feel like I have a heart; our empty, sweat-soaked promises that we'll never part. But, darling, every twilight has to end, farewell my love, my more-than friend... So if you leave my side, then I'll combust in two, I'll annihilate the world if it means saving you. Floating castles with cold walls of white, let's just play pretend for one last night_."

There was a stabbing sensation deep in Roxas' chest, and though his eyes were dry just moments before, they suddenly prickled with unshed tears. The lyrics struck a chord deep within Roxas, especially with Axel singing them to him. It felt all too real, and Roxas could picture the situation perfectly. Two lovers, so close yet so far. It made Roxas' throat ache in that odd, involuntary way associated with true sadness and the urge to break down, and never before had he been so overwhelmed with the need to never let Axel go again.

Axel, noticing Roxas' silence and apparent drop in mood, let out a small yawn before planting a kiss on Roxas' temple. "It's just a song. Sure, it's one of their sadder ones, but still a song nonetheless."

"But doesn't it resonate with you in some way?" Roxas' voice had an almost begging quality, and his fingers clutched desperately at Axel's shirt.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Axel said up a little, leaning away from the blonde. "Are you crying?"

"It's just -" Roxas broke off, suddenly aware of how stupid he probably sounded. Axel was right, it was just a song, and despite the fact that the lyrics had overwhelmed Roxas, there was no need for them to reduce him to tears. Yet he still couldn't shake the utter hopelessness of them, and on some primal level they felt frighteningly familiar. "Please don't leave me, Axel."

Blinking, Axel tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Leave you? Where did this come from?"

"I don't know. Just promise me?"

"I already did, remember?" Axel said, relaxing a little. "I said I'd never leave you until you walked away from me."

It wasn't perfect, but it was enough. Living a life of pretence, Axel was the only figure of somewhat stability that Roxas had to grasp onto - other than his brothers. Opting to change the subject, Roxas stifled a yawn and pressed himself closer to his lover. "How long till we arrive?"

"I dunno," Axel said, rubbing at his eyes with the heal of his palm. Twenty minutes?"

"Damn, I'll probably fall asleep by then."

"Hmm, me too," Axel agreed. His tie had loosened throughout the evening, and strands of hair were coming loose and framing his thin face. He looked so incredibly tired and young, and Roxas wanted to hold him and never let him go. Now, more than ever, with the lyrics that seemed so heart-wrenching and honest swirling around his mind, the idea of a life without Axel terrified Roxas.

They continued the rest of their train journey in a sleepy silence, Roxas' head on Axel's chest as he tried to convince himself that the migraine-inducing fear of Axel's absence was natural.

oOOo

"I'm sure my parents are up to something," Cloud grumbled down the phone, fingers turning over Zack's dog-tags idly. They seemed to feel lighter lately, for some bizarre reason, and the grief of losing Zack no longer weighed so heavily on his heart whenever he held them.

"What makes you think that?" Leon asked, voice clean down the line. There was the faint rustling of what sounded like the page of a book being turned, and Cloud smiled.

"Their behaviour just seems shadier than usual, and they've been associating with the Lockhart's more than usual lately."

"They may just be trying to re-establish a working relationship with them, given you blew it apart."

Despite the fact that he could all but hear the smirk in Leon's voice, Cloud found that this explanation did not ease the nagging sensation of pure_ wrong-ness_, building and twisting in his gut.

"Maybe," Cloud paused. "I'm like ninety-nine point nine percent sure Roxas and Axel, the stable hand, are romantically involved."

There was a faint sound of a book being closed, and the soft creak of bedsprings as Leon evidently repositioned himself. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, I caught Axel hiding in Roxas' closet recently after spending the night in his room, and then they had to endure the Walk of Shame."

'Jesus Christ, Cloud," the noise Leon made sounded like a mixture of amusement and shock. 'What is it with your family and fucking people they shouldn't? Especially _boys_."

"Apparently we're lacking the straight gene. Sora's our only hope. But fuck, my parents are going to flip out if they ever find out about this."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing, of course. I don't want to draw any unwelcomed attention to the situation, otherwise Roxas could end up getting hurt.

"It may not be the same," Leon said gently. "Roxas is not you, and Axel's not Zack. Fixing them won't change the past."

"I know," Cloud muttered. "But I'm his big brother, I have to at least try to protect him."

"Alright, I trust your judgement." There was a pause. "How are things with you, anyway? In regards to Zack, that is."

"I'm feeling a lot better in the last few weeks than I have for a long time," Cloud admitted. "I think you have a lot to do with it."

There was a slight scuffle, as though the phone had been dropped, and when Leon spoke again his voice was cautious. "Me? How so?"

"Your friendship is nice - Yuffie's too - because I haven't really been close to anyone beyond Sora and Roxas since Zack's death. And being a member of the Committee helps too, even if all we do is plan out how to align business fairly, eradicating the need for arranged marriages and what not. It's a welcome distraction and it makes me feel better. Hell, just talking to you makes me feel better."

"Uh, I'm glad I could help," Leon sounded a little awestruck, and Cloud heard him draw in a ragged breath over the line. "I... I think I'm going to head to bed now, Cloud. Call me in the morning, or something. And thanks for breakfast earlier."

With a small chuckle, Cloud replied. "It's no problem, we should do it more often. Night, Leon."

oOOo

It seemed like an age since the end of Roxas' magical evening with Axel, and the moment the red-head had left his side, Roxas had found himself overwhelmed with a melancholic mood that he could not shift. Despite agonizing most of the night that he did not love Axel, the OathKeeper song had still resonated deeply within the blonde, leaving him with the aching fear that if he and Axel were to one day be separated – which was likely, given their unusual romance and awkward circumstance – he would be unable to function properly.

Roxas paced his room restlessly; nerves jittering and mind active. Despite how tiring the night had been, and how he'd struggled to keep awake on the train ride with Axel, his mind was suddenly active, and he couldn't relax. Eventually he decided on the solution to his problem, and after opening up his laptop and plugging in his headphones, he typed his inquiry into the search engine and hit go. The song 'Nobodies' immediately began to play, and he recognised some of the lyrics from Axel.

"_I may just be a Nobody,  
>But that doesn't mean that I don't feel.<br>So when you leave my side don't you dare say that I won't feel pain.  
>Because the love we shared felt real.<br>A romance that never quite existed,  
>Doomed to fail in a world so dark and twisted,<br>I'd burn us both if it meant we'd be together again_."

Roxas wasn't entirely sure why the song and its lyrics cut him so deep, but he let the tears fall unrepressed, sobbing like a child as he mulled over the words again and again_. Something_ – something he couldn't name or place, was screaming at him that these words were relevant, and all he could see when he heard them were himself and Axel. Two lovers who, due to circumstance, could never quite be together. The stories themselves were being told, and playing out in very different ways, but at their root they were essentially the same. Just as the two creatures

The world was cruel, and, as Roxas collapsed on his bed in exhaustion, words still echoing in his ear, he thought only of Axel, and they life they may never lead together.

**Evidentially I was not born to be a poet or songwriter, and for that I apologise.**


End file.
